Members The dman Posted February 26, 2010 Members Share Posted February 26, 2010 Here's a song I just got done writing it's kind of a story/tribute to my fathers and grandfathers generation. This is stripped with down acoustic bass vocal only http://www.reverbnation.com/tunepak/2412816 Man Out Of Time He don Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jersey Jack Posted February 27, 2010 Members Share Posted February 27, 2010 Nice! Well-written, -played, and -recorded! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members The dman Posted February 27, 2010 Author Members Share Posted February 27, 2010 Nice! Well-written, -played, and -recorded! Thanks I still have a few lyric edits here and there but am ready to call it done soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeonardScaper Posted February 28, 2010 Members Share Posted February 28, 2010 Well....... You rhymed 'meat and potatoes' with 'food on the table'. I really like that. And then you went on to bring in some very poignant and memorable images. Your bridge could use a bit more focus, but when you brought back that guitar motif I breathed a sigh of relief. And then, just when I was getting to know him.....you ended the tune. Nice. Made me play it again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nearthemusic Posted February 28, 2010 Members Share Posted February 28, 2010 Very nice! I really like the lyric "man out of time". At face value it gives the impression that he's nearing the end of his life, but as the song goes on you can see that he's also "out" of place in time--a member of a dying generation. I would echo Leonard's criticism of the bridge. It definitely needs some work, but I do love the way you end the song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lisa1981 Posted February 28, 2010 Members Share Posted February 28, 2010 Hi mate, I only just discovered these forums, GOD DAMMM that is very impressive, do you have a recording contract ? im nt sure what i was expecting to find/hear on here but you have certainly set the benchmark very high. Thanks for the listen and Best of luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members The dman Posted February 28, 2010 Author Members Share Posted February 28, 2010 Hi mate,I only just discovered these forums, GOD DAMMM that is very impressive, do you have a recording contract ? Thanks for the listen and Best of luck lol thanks but I just do my thing. I don't see record companies beating down the doors of a 50 year old man house Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted February 28, 2010 Members Share Posted February 28, 2010 I kind of understand the portrait you are trying to paint of this protagonist, but it is a very static portrait. You say "He's seen so many things" but what has he seen, and more importantly, what does HE think of what he's seen? "Nobody means what they say" isn't a very concrete beef with the modern world - what was said, who said it, and why does the protagonist care? In the coda, what does he pray for? Music, performance and production are fine. Just as an aside, there is a fairly well known Elvis Costello song with the same title. [YOUTUBE]ftzOFm1NXwY[/YOUTUBE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Marshal Posted March 1, 2010 Members Share Posted March 1, 2010 It's very good. But i feel like it's missing something to bring it home a little more strongly. I don't know what. I guess maybe the chorus doesn't explain things enough. There are mixed metaphors; "Nowhere to go" & "crime"; and; "Fish out of water" and "end of the line"; that are just adding confusion instead of giving clarity. It's quite good, though. Feel free to ignore what I say. Most intelligent people do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members annamaria Posted March 1, 2010 Members Share Posted March 1, 2010 Great sound thanks for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members samtrips Posted March 1, 2010 Members Share Posted March 1, 2010 Nice tune, agree a little bit with the above posters quibbling with the lyrics - some of it seems very specific - the battlefield and the wounds, for example - and others are vague or mixed. It still works, but I think it could go 'one louder' in the lyrical dimension. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members The dman Posted March 1, 2010 Author Members Share Posted March 1, 2010 Thanks for all your replies guys and you've given me some food for thought. I guess my intent was to brush with a broad stroke and almost have a kind of flashing montage of this guys life. I have shown it to the general public and they seem to be getting it better than I thought but I know what you guys are saying What specific line or set of lines are you guys talking about? suggestions? I guess the only part that I questioned was going into the "but now the world has changed so much" verse it almost seems like too much of a 180 after the war lines but I really like that verse too...maybe if I completely change "But now the world has changed so much..Seems nobody means what they say" lines and try to fit in something that will transition the war and his wife that could help. I will say it's a little incomplete without the proper bridge, a missing piece And about the Elvis Costello song I've only heard that song a few times and didn't even think of his song. The title actually it came from a show I saw about Tesla. I always thought it was a cool title so that doesn't really concern me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nickynitro Posted March 5, 2010 Members Share Posted March 5, 2010 i think its a damn good song. love the lyrics and hook.. excellent! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members annamaria Posted March 5, 2010 Members Share Posted March 5, 2010 simply super Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members corellia_guitar Posted March 6, 2010 Members Share Posted March 6, 2010 NIce, I really like the lyrics:thu: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SnowAngel Posted March 6, 2010 Members Share Posted March 6, 2010 If the portrait of the protagonist is static, I think that's what it needs to be. He's a simple -- but honorable -- man. It's not what he's done that's important, it's how he lives, his morals, that are the story. Maybe a few tweaks of the lyrics, but it's really a beautiful song. Thank you for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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