"It's Always Summer in My Mind" -- October Challenge

[LCK]

I'm not 100% sure about any of this, but here's a first draft.

 

Sorry about my parched-sounding voice...

 

 

 

 

It

[oldgitplayer]

I like draft 3 - and I'm hard to please. I really think it has been improving steadily.

Only one small consideration :

 

I watch the softly falling autumn leaves,

their colors perfectly designed

they match the red and gold: her lips, her hair.

And yet it's summer in my mind.

[stickboymusic]

Really like this (I really want to do a cover of it!)

 

On this bit , I naturally wanted to double up the last line (maybe not these lyrics but see if you get me)

 

 

Now spring is here and everything is green,

and skylarks sing just to unwind.

lilacs and cherry blossoms THEY DON'T COMPARE TO NOTHING

WHEN IT'S STILL summer in my mind.

[Monkey Uncle]

I agree with OGP. This is the best of the three drafts. Only one line gave me pause: "We reached the moon in mid-July." The metaphor seems a bit strained. But that's a small issue, and this is a great song.

[bee3]

Nicely done LCK! Beautiful.

[Lee Knight]

Oh yeah! Really great. You nailed it. I had a thought about arrangement and groove... this woudl be cool to do an up feel to. Like Neil Hefti's Cute. Like this:

 

[video=youtube;V53tjPcBNic]

 

 

Anyway, it was fun to watch you work this one. Well done!

[LCK]

Thanks all. I'm still polishing the lyric.

 

Here's the latest.

 

I walk through softly falling autumn leaves,

their colors perfectly designed

to match her lipstick kiss, her golden hair,

and yet it's summer in my mind.

 

I sit beside a quiet winter fire

till glowing coals are left behind.

A mist comes rising from a pond somewhere,

yet it's still summer in my mind.

 

I found the perfect girl one year, one June.

We reached the moon by mid-July.

But when September sang her lonely tune

it was time to say goodbye.

 

Now spring is here; the world is turning green.

The birds all sing just to unwind.

But larks and cherry blossoms can't compare

to the summer in my mind.

 

LCK

 

PS: Stick, I have no idea what you have in mind for the last verse. But it's a huge compliment that you want to do a cover version!

[stickboymusic]

 

Thanks all. I'm still polishing the lyric. Here's the latest. I walk through softly falling autumn leaves, their colors perfectly designed to match her lipstick kiss, her golden hair, and yet it's summer in my mind. I sit beside a quiet winter fire till glowing coals are left behind. A mist comes rising from a pond somewhere, yet it's still summer in my mind. I found the perfect girl one year, one June. We reached the moon by mid-July. But when September sang her lonely tune it was time to say goodbye. Now spring is here; the world is turning green. The birds all sing just to unwind. But larks and cherry blossoms can't compare to the summer in my mind. LCK PS: Stick, I have no idea what you have in mind for the last verse. But it's a huge compliment that you want to do a cover version!

 

 

Ha its very hard to explian an idea of melody with just words - I will see if I can have a go at a cover

[LCK]

Okay, stick, have at it.

 

The chords I'm using are

 

Verses;

 

CMaj7, CMaj9, D-7, G6

 

CMaj7, E-7, A7(#5), A7

 

D-7, G7(b9), E-7, A7,

 

D-7...............G7(b9) (first verse only)

 

D-7...............G7(b9) C (intro, second and last verse) (on intro end on G11?)

 

Bridge:

 

D-7, G7, CMaj7, C#dim,

D-7, G7, CMaj7

B-, F#7, B-, F#7,

D-, D-/Db, D-7, G7(b9)

 

I'm a bit trepidatious about the lyric change; but I'm excited to hear how it sounds!

 

LCK

[Mahuska]

Sorry I can't give any feedback other than I enjoyed listening to it. Set my mind wandering into a performance setting, like I wasn't sitting in front of the computer

[stickboymusic]

Lee

 

Here is a quick, rough and somewhat simplified cover - I wont spend any more time on it, at least until you are happy you have finished the song! It may give you an idea of what I was trying to say for that line at the end.

 

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=977998&songID=11154718

[LCK]

Okay, this is very exciting. But I'm still a little apprehensive about it.

 

Anyway, here's the (mostly)* finished version.

 

As you'll note, Stick, I've picked up on your musical idea for the last verse, with a lyrical twist.

 

I hope you like it.

 

It

[Monkey Uncle]

But April

[LCK]

 

Nicely done.

 

 

Thanks.

 

I've listened to stickboy's version numerous times. It's quite lovely, and very catchy.

 

Here's the "final version" of the lyric.

 

It's Always Summer in My Mind

 

I walk through softly falling autumn leaves,

their colors perfectly designed

to match the red and gold, her lips, her hair.

And yet it

[Lee Knight]

Very frustrating. I'm at a coffee bar with a suspect wifi and can't get the Stick rendition to stream. I get the first line of singing the... freeze. I'll listen when I can, sounds very interesting so far.

 

But Lee, this verse below sure is good.

 

 

Now spring is here and all the world is green.

And skylarks sing just to unwind.

But April

[Lee Knight]

There we go! Yeah Stick. It's cool to hear the Lee's parlor jazz sort of feel then hear your more modern folk slant. That was fun. I like the way you focused the melody a bit, Stick. I'm sure that is going to act as nice feedback for Lee.

 

So Lee, that first line. It doesn't bug me, but it is a little awkward with its adverb. It just flirts with being precious, when the rest of the tune avoids that nicely.

 

I walk through softly falling autumn leaves

 

Why not go adjective there?

 

I walk through withered falling autumn leaves

 

I walk through dried out falling autumn leaves

 

I walk through burnt orange falling autumn leaves

 

I walk through deep red falling autumn leaves

[LCK]

 

that first line. It doesn't bug me, but it is a little awkward with its adverb. It just flirts with being precious, when the rest of the tune avoids that nicely. I walk through softly falling autumn leaves Why not go adjective there?

 

 

Three adjectives? I've already put two adjectives together: falling/autumn.

 

However, a four syllable adjective -- if it sounds organic enough -- might work...

 

Photogenic?

 

Yeh, I don't think so either.

 

LCK

[Lee Knight]

Good point OK! I have another idea. Subtract:

 

I walk through falling autumn leaves

 

 

Or maybe subtract and find a more colorful replacement for walk.

 

 

I'm dodging falling autumn leaves

 

A stroll through falling autumn leaves

 

Walking through falling autumn leaves

[oldgitplayer]

When I walk through autumn leaves, I enjoy the sound underfoot.

Is there an opportunity for assonance in the 1st line?

[LCK]

 

When I walk through autumn leaves, I enjoy the sound underfoot. Is there an opportunity for assonance in the 1st line?

 

 

I'm not sure what you mean. The first line is already full of assonance.

 

The vowels in walk, fall, soft and the first syllable of au-tumn are all essentially the same.

 

The vowel in fall is slightly different, but only very slightly.

 

LCK

 

Did you mean onomatopoeia?

[oldgitplayer]

Sorry - it's early morning here and the neurons aren't firing sequentially as yet.

I meant onomatopoeia. I hear the crunch and rattle as I walk and kick my way through drifts of leaves. (neither word would be useful)

[LCK]

 

Sorry - it's early morning here and the neurons aren't firing sequentially as yet. I meant onomatopoeia. I hear the crunch and rattle as I walk and kick my way through drifts of leaves. (neither word would be useful)

 

 

You know, at one point I did think, "How could I put the word crunch or crunching into that first line?"

 

I just couldn't find a way to do it that felt natural.

 

I also had originally used the phrase "crackling fire" in the first line of the second verse, but opted for a different emotional tone with that line.

 

LCK

[LeonardScaper]

Can't properly listen until tomorrow, but I'll tell you what is so cool for me.......

 

......just reading the lyrics I can already hear you singing it.

 

You do have a serious way with words.

[LCK]

Can't properly listen until tomorrow, but I'll tell you what is so cool for me....... ......just reading the lyrics I can already hear you singing it. You do have a serious way with words.

 

Thanks, Lenny. It comes from a lifetime of practice more than anything else.

 

I've been thinking about what ogp said, and I think some onomatopoeia might bring more immediacy to the lyric. It's a very reflective kind of song, and too much of that can make the mind wander.

 

So here's a possible new version.

 

It's Always Summer in My Mind

 

I walk through softly crunching autumn leaves,

their colors perfectly designed

to catch the red and gold, her lips, her hair.

And yet it's summer in my mind.

 

I sit alone beside a crackling fire

till glowing coals are left behind.

A mist comes rising through the wintry air

yet it's summer in my mind.

 

I found the perfect girl one year, one June,

we reached the moon by mid-July.

Then sad September sang a lonely tune

and it was time to say goodbye.

 

Now spring is here and all the world is green.

And skylarks sing just to unwind.

But April's fineries can't compare to these

scraps of summer in my mind.

 

It's always summer in my mind.

Sweet, sweet summer in my mind.

It's always summer in my mind.

 

Words & Music

[Monkey Uncle]

For what it's worth, I think "softly falling" sounds better than "softly crunching." It doesn't have anything to do with the meaning of the words; it's the actual sound of the words themselves. "Crunching" is a harsh-sounding word that has a slightly jarring effect in what is otherwise a very relaxing song.