Members rickidoo Posted February 10, 2012 Members Share Posted February 10, 2012 THANKS TO ALL WHO COMMENTED ON THIS THREAD. IT IS NOW OBE. Rick New song I am working on. Love any lyrical thoughts especially. No production comments requested. The lyrics here are ever so slightly different from the sung demo. mp3 The Empty Side of the Bed© 2012 Rick Dieffenbach V1: Woke up in the morning Sat on the bedit came with no warningalone in my head I turned around to see youBut you were not there C: The empty side of the bed... V2: Flowers in the gardenand sun in my eyesall that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted February 11, 2012 Members Share Posted February 11, 2012 It's a really nice start, Rick. I love the harmonies on the (still incipient) chorus. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted February 11, 2012 Members Share Posted February 11, 2012 Its great but the chorus feels unresolved it feels like it needs to rhyme AND pause in a different place for example I turned around to see youBut what i found instead ............1........2......3...4...5...6...7...8C: The empty side...........................of the bed.. if that makes ANY sense? (try tapping it out if it helps) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeonardScaper Posted February 11, 2012 Members Share Posted February 11, 2012 Hmmmm........Listening to the teaser (without reading) I was at first struck by the classic nature of the lyrics as they were somewhat predictable. But then when you went to the hook I felt like I had been set up. Now, reading stickboy's suggestion, I am torn. I like the flow that he suggests, but I also like the way you surprised me with that hook line and that might not work as well with the suggested pause. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted February 11, 2012 Members Share Posted February 11, 2012 Hmmmm........Listening to the teaser (without reading) I was at first struck by the classic nature of the lyrics as they were somewhat predictable. But then when you went to the hook I felt like I had been set up. Now, reading stickboy's suggestion, I am torn. I like the flow that he suggests, but I also like the way you surprised me with that hook line and that might not work as well with the suggested pause. yeh i guess that could also be true i think the surprise could still come from the sudden burst of harmony on "of the bed" i think my suggestion would make it a more general likeable song however it would probably take away some of the quirkiness which may be working to the songs strengths Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted February 11, 2012 Author Members Share Posted February 11, 2012 @LCK - thanks! The whole song started with that on the keyboard. @Stick - I'll play with that. I think I see what you are saying. @Leonard - thank you for your comments! 'appreciate all taking the time to give it a look. Rick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted February 11, 2012 Moderators Share Posted February 11, 2012 Cool. I like this a lot. I love this bit: Flowers in the gardenand sun in my eyesall that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted February 11, 2012 Author Members Share Posted February 11, 2012 Lee - thanks for the cliche flag - will change it. You know, V1 came when I was first playing around with the song, but V2 and V3, came post-steely dan re-listening - I thought - how would Fagan write these lyrics? And when I did that, I felt less constrained to piece together words in strict logic, and V2 and v3 just fell together in minutes. I'll have to listen to some more steely dan... I'm liking the freedom that gives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted February 11, 2012 Moderators Share Posted February 11, 2012 I thought - how would Fagan write these lyrics? And when I did that, I felt less constrained to piece together words in strict logic, and V2 and v3 just fell together in minutes. That's very cool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted February 12, 2012 Members Share Posted February 12, 2012 Without reading any comments, my thoughts were that this: V2: Flowers in the gardenand sun in my eyesall that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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