Members aymanbinmoshi Posted March 10, 2012 Members Share Posted March 10, 2012 I am not a depressed person. I not to be broken, but my heart is hollow. I am not to be stopped, but sometimes taken aback. I have not lost something of my entity, but I have lost some thing greater than my existence. I feel her every moment, but I cant write a single word. I don't cry. I cant laugh too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 10, 2012 Members Share Posted March 10, 2012 Put it in a song man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Pitar Posted March 10, 2012 Members Share Posted March 10, 2012 It was a bit after the initial shock and confusion but it pretty much captured the moment. I have a few of these dedicated to the same event covering every emotion experienced. You Took Me Down V-1I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted March 10, 2012 Moderators Share Posted March 10, 2012 Basic materials: "I lost her, I lost everythingI not to be broken, but my heart is hollowI am not to be stopped, but sometimes taken abackI have not lost something of my entity, but I have lost some thing greater than my existence.I don't cry. I cant laugh too. " 1 draft with structure: I am not to be broken, but my heart is hollowWords unspoken, they wouldn't followI am not to be stopped, but sometimes taken abackI lost her, in the cracks I haven't lost anything of me, I've lost something moreI don't cry, I cant laugh, I can't leave the front doorI feel her every moment, I can still hear her singI lost her, I lost everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members animalwithin Posted March 10, 2012 Members Share Posted March 10, 2012 ayman, you have everything available at this time to compose a powerful song. We've all been there, its a tough exeperience but it takes time to recover from that, writing definetely helps. Lee pieced your words together beautifully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted March 11, 2012 Members Share Posted March 11, 2012 Let your heart's blood write this song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted March 12, 2012 Members Share Posted March 12, 2012 Basic materials:"I lost her, I lost everythingI not to be broken, but my heart is hollowI am not to be stopped, but sometimes taken abackI have not lost something of my entity, but I have lost some thing greater than my existence.I don't cry. I cant laugh too. "1 draft with structure:I am not to be broken, but my heart is hollowWords unspoken, they wouldn't followI am not to be stopped, but sometimes taken abackI lost her, in the cracks I haven't lost anything of me, I've lost something moreI don't cry, I cant laugh, I can't leave the front doorI feel her every moment, I can still hear her singI lost her, I lost everything. yep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RickBeall Posted March 13, 2012 Members Share Posted March 13, 2012 I lost her, I lost everything, I lost my passwords,I can't log in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aymanbinmoshi Posted March 15, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 15, 2012 Should I laugh? after a long time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aymanbinmoshi Posted March 19, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 19, 2012 Thanks every body for reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aymanbinmoshi Posted March 19, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 19, 2012 Thank you so much. You are really genius. Basic materials:"I lost her, I lost everythingI not to be broken, but my heart is hollowI am not to be stopped, but sometimes taken abackI have not lost something of my entity, but I have lost some thing greater than my existence.I don't cry. I cant laugh too. "1 draft with structure:I am not to be broken, but my heart is hollowWords unspoken, they wouldn't followI am not to be stopped, but sometimes taken abackI lost her, in the cracks I haven't lost anything of me, I've lost something moreI don't cry, I cant laugh, I can't leave the front doorI feel her every moment, I can still hear her singI lost her, I lost everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted March 19, 2012 Moderators Share Posted March 19, 2012 Thank you so much. You are really genius. No way. Of course my point should be obvious. If you got my point, feel free to ignore the following. All I did was take your purge of words and emotions and looked for what struck me as song material. Then I looked for rhythmic patterns that might form the backbone for some basic structure. Then... what's the title? What seems to stand out as an obvious label for this? "I lost her, I lost everything" OK, how do I want to p[resent my title. There a lots of ways that titles are used in pop songs. I chose one. The title will be revealed at the end. OK, so I put the title away for now. Then I looked for rhyme words to the key words already in place. 1. I am not to be broken, but my heart is hollow (seems like a good first line, let's rhyme it and see what happens. And why not use internal rhyme since both words are easy rhymers. Broken and hollow.) 2. Words unspoken, they wouldn't follow (I didn't quote this bit "but I cant write a single word" but you said it and I took that intent to create a line that rhymes with line 1) 3. I am not to be stopped, but sometimes taken aback (direct quote, I love that line) 4. I lost her, in the cracks (here, it seemed like it would be cool if we could use the title, but it'd be too much having that same rhyme from the last stanza here too. So, maybe the song's called "I Lost Her"? And I love the taken aback, so, we needed a rhyme to complete this. aback. I lost her. in the CRACKS. I lost her in the cracks implies some sort of responsibility. When we lose something in the cracks it's because we're not paying attention. I liked that and it rhymed well. So the idea is, for me, to purge first. And you did. You need basic materials. So you have an emotional puke session. You get it out on the page and look at it. Look for patterns in your Pollack-esque splatter of words and ideas on the page. What are good rhyme words? What are repeating rhythm motifs suggested by the words. Then you start editing together your basic materials into a structure. But you can't do any of that without basic materials. That's why they say, the best way to write is to start writing. It's a cycle of purge, refine. Purge again, refine. It's sound complicated but it very simple once you start doing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.