New Song---- X-Wing

[Still.ill]

http://hc.bloodyvelvet.com/files/270/X-Wing.mp3

 

 

X-Wing

 

Verse 1

You know the things I've left behind

They're always somewhat hard to find

Although its up to me not you

I don't know what I'm gonna do

 

Prechorus

Tell me what i found

Yeah is it on the ground

Tell me where its at

yeah i don't have anything more to say

 

Chorus

Now love is free and all i want is I feel so down and take a bow and I touch her face and tried to tell her that all my secrets are out there now aw yeah

 

Guitar break/solo

Bridge

But I say I liked your hair oh so long

But i say i will a little bit I'll try

Get high to cry in your room always always

 

Chorus

Guitar Outro

[Folder]

The song is really good. But why do you have so much reverb on everything?

I would try to follow the guitar on the chorus a little more with a few words in the choruses like take, tried, and out. I would arrange and produce this in a 1970's classic rock style. It has a good feel and I wouldn't want to take it in a heavy metal direction if I were you..

[blue2blue]

I like the guitar parts and the sort of tweaked out 60s folkie style of the vocals quite a bit, your voice is quirky but has a lot of character. I don't get the reverb. I know that reverb was 'back' a couple years ago and the lo fi kids seem to think buckets of it makes their stuff sound more to their liking -- but, really, this could feel like the singer-guitarist is right there in front of you, lots of impact, exciting. As it is, it's more like something heard at the end of a long hallway. There's a huge distance between the listener and the artist and I don't think the song is well served by using so much reverb. (Also, that shallow, metallic quality of the reverb makes it sound like a guitar amp 'verb; maybe it's a lo fi thing, too, but I'd nonetheless suggest experimenting with other treatments.) But, anyhow, production's not really a songwriting issue.

 

On the latter front, the AABB rhyme scheme combined with a few lines where the content seems more rhyme-driven than story driven, makes those rhymes seem a bit awkward and predictable in the first verse. Also, phrases like "love is free" have been so often used that they lose their emotional and intellectual power. Often the listener's brain will just sort of skip over an overly familiar phrase that just seems to be there to fill a gap. The typical pop/rock song only has a couple verses and maybe a refrain and bridge... it's not a lot of space to get done what you need to get done, as a songwriter. So 'wasting' some of that space on a phrase that gets us from point A to point C but doesn't advance the song and add to its emotional or intellectual momentum may be something you would want to reconsider.

 

 

Also... maybe it's deja vu, but I swear you or someone had a song or set of lyrics in here with the same name. (I'm kind of thinking maybe it was an early version of this one?)

[RickDieffenbach]

Fresh out of the gate, the rising melody on the chorus is sensational. A big surprise and a very enjoyable listen for that.

 

Verse wise - from a lyrical perspective - I felt the word rhymes were just a bit too simple. I'm not saying throw them a way, I just think make them a little less predictable. mix it up a bit. For example:

 

Although its up to me not you

I don't know what I'm gonna do

 

....

 

Although its up to me not you

It's not what's lost at issue

 

Incidentally, I love this rhyming site:

 

http://wikirhymer.com/

 

(I know I know... if you have read any of my lyrics... I probably rhyme even simpler... but I am trying to climb out of that hole myself.)

 

 

... pause... excuse me... here comes that chorus again.... yes... chills up my spine.... oh ah... fantastic....

 

Rick

[gubu]

Great song! I completely agree with the previous comments about the reverb - it needs to be cut a lot from the vocals and I'd go for a different sound altogether on the guitars. Let the natural bass and dynamics of that rhythm guitar come thru and drive the song. You don't need to add percussion or drums - the rhythm guitar takes care of that end of things, it just needs to be waaaaay drier, with more natural sonics.

 

I love your vocal - it has a kind of Bobby Gillespie/Ian Brown/Billy Corgan feel that is full of charm. It's just a pity that it's drowned in so much reverb.

 

Otherwise, I really like the feel and flow of this. Good job!

[Still.ill]

Thanks guys I agree i do tend to use reverb too much

[Uh_Me]

Sounds cool. The melody is quirky. It reminds of Syd Barrett. One of my favorite artists.

 

As far as the rhyming goes, I tend to think about the first songs I wrote. Namely, I think of certain phrases and rhyming words that I used A LOT. As a novice writer, I tended to use a bunch of words and phrases that 6 year old kids could come up with. Overly simple rhymes and common phrases make your hard work seem generic. Of course, you don't want the listener to need a dictionary to understand the song. I did that, too.

 

The hardest part of writing lyrics is thinking about each word as a separate thing. Something that can be individual and have its own meaning outside of the context you've placed it. Wrapping the song in those individual meanings can be hard as hell, but makes for a swell piece of lyric. Good news is, this already being implemented into the song More good news, I'm done being a know it all now. Feel free to ignore me.

[Oswlek]

I like the rising melody in the chorus, but I was left with the feeling that it wanted to launch off it. The first two times around I was bracing for the surge but when it passed through a 3rd time I was thinking, "Oh, I guess that's all there is" with a twinge of disappointment.

 

Otherwise I enjoyed it very much.