Members IllinoisJack Posted August 19, 2012 Members Share Posted August 19, 2012 Me again. Punched this one out this morning. First draft. Have at it. I know not many country fans here, but the older I get, it seems that sappy country ballads are all I can write anymore. Whatever. Maybe one of you geniuses can do something with it. If not, it just goes into the pile. edited 8-20-12 Well Answered Prayer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LeonardScaper Posted August 19, 2012 Members Share Posted August 19, 2012 Hey...I like it. ....but then I'm a sucker for a sappy country ballad right from the get-go. It's got some pretty good hooks... you wonder if pity brings lies I don Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members IllinoisJack Posted August 19, 2012 Author Members Share Posted August 19, 2012 No music, Lenny. I don't have that talent. I get it about the hook....hmmm....thinking about it. Also - considering a bridge somewhere. Still a WIP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monkey Uncle Posted August 19, 2012 Members Share Posted August 19, 2012 No music, Lenny. I don't have that talent. Hey, I never let that stop me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Marshal Posted August 19, 2012 Members Share Posted August 19, 2012 Very nice. But the last two lines of the first verse aren't working as well for me. You wish for the smoothness that you could replaceThat drifted on life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Monkey Uncle Posted August 20, 2012 Members Share Posted August 20, 2012 For me, the title line doesn't quite click. I've heard of answered prayers and unanswered prayers, but well answered prayers? Is there such a thing as a poorly answered prayer? How about "you are my best answered prayer"? Maybe not. Or how about "you are my one answered prayer"? I would also pick out the same two lines Marshall identified as needing a re-write. Actually, just the "drifted on life's turning wheel" line is the one that seems strained to me. Maybe "roll back life's turning wheel"? "As coffee is cooled" also struck me as a bit awkward. Looks like you were going for a perfect rhyme with "fooled," but I think you would be better served by fudging the rhyme a bit to make the line less grammatically clumsy: "each quiet morning as the coffee cools." Other than those few spots, I think the lyric is quite good. I especially like the two lines that Lenny picked out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members grace_slick Posted August 20, 2012 Members Share Posted August 20, 2012 Very nice. But the last two lines of the first verse aren't working as well for me. You wish for the smoothness that you could replaceThat drifted on life Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted August 20, 2012 Members Share Posted August 20, 2012 I have nothing to add except to echo what has already been written. A few of the lines seem written specifically to get a rhyme and the hook line needs tightening up. "One Answered Prayer" seems stronger to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted August 20, 2012 Members Share Posted August 20, 2012 Great sentiment. "Coffee cooled" into the "you're not fooled" was weird. Why would this person be fooled? They don't think you're really happy? I wouldn't think you could fake a "from the heart smile." Also in the chorus, "life's not fair" feels like filler. I'd combine the two that you have into one like this My love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RickDieffenbach Posted August 20, 2012 Members Share Posted August 20, 2012 Feel free to ignore everything. I liked the lyric overall very much, I wanted to put my own spin on it, just for the exercise of doing so. Rick bold = me thinkssmall = removed Well Answered Prayer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 20, 2012 Moderators Share Posted August 20, 2012 My loveI don Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted August 20, 2012 Members Share Posted August 20, 2012 I like Rick's idea for "life's turning wheel." The smoothness line doesn't quite work. After looking at it a few times I realize it's about wrinkles, and wishing they'd just disappear. But the fact that I didn't get that at first suggests that it might be worth rewriting. The title also seems a little awkward to me. It seems to me that prayers are either answered or they're not. Some religious types will say that all prayers are answered: "Oh, God answered your prayer all right. He just said no..." Anyway, that's off topic. The title seems awkward to me. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members IllinoisJack Posted August 20, 2012 Author Members Share Posted August 20, 2012 Thanks for all the good input. Overall, I agree with a lot of what was said - not everything of course - but a lot. I will re-write a few lines and see if it sit's any smoother. See bold lyrics once I've done them. RE: WELL answered prayer. I understand the comments, but to me it is like a "well run race" or a "well cooked fish". Yes, the prayer was answered, but it was answered with uncommon perfection. Unless the concensus is an outright clamoring for change - I would rather keep it. I felt it sets it apart from the common statement. Arrogant of me? Perhaps. But I think it's something you will remember, even if for the unusual use of the phrase. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 20, 2012 Moderators Share Posted August 20, 2012 Thanks for all the good input. Overall, I agree with a lot of what was said - not everything of course - but a lot. I will re-write a few lines and see if it sit's any smoother. See bold lyrics once I've done them.RE: WELL answered prayer. I understand the comments, but to me it is like a "well run race" or a "well cooked fish". Yes, the prayer was answered, but it was answered with uncommon perfection. Unless the concensus is an outright clamoring for change - I would rather keep it. I felt it sets it apart from the common statement. Arrogant of me? Perhaps. But I think it's something you will remember, even if for the unusual use of the phrase. I liked the title myself. It's a nice twist on the phrase. for me at least Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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