No Train 'Til Morning

[VladM]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6M6SiyR5AHY

 

What are you waiting for Darling?

It's not me you're looking for

When the dawn soon comes darling

You'll see all that you're worth

 

When the night starts falling calmly

There's nobody at your door

If you knew what you'd wanted from me

You wouldn't be asking for more

 

I looked up the address with a blank stare on my face

Your cigarette was almost out, ashed on your pretty lace

I don't believe in anything that you have said before

But there's no train til morning so make yourself at home

 

I've got business on the north side

Can't expect that you'd feel the same

You can nurse all the fine wine

But you've only got yourself to blame

 

Broken hearts will always come full circle

Once you feel a stranger's pain

I don't want to be a bother

But you shouldn't ever lose that name

 

The morning came swiftly and nothing was resolved

You've only left one lover, I thought you'd left them all

I don't believe in anything that you will say again

If you want somebody closer, you'll have to find a friend

 

The train left far too slowly

It pulled away and nothing remained

If your next one answers boldly

Make sure he's got an honest face

 

So on our sepereate ways again, repeating what was done

The sunlight danced exquisetly, there's battles to be won

I don't believe in anything that you will say once more

Keep chasing new pet lovers until you find them bored

[rhino55]

this is great.

 

I see 3 phrases that could use some tweaking:

 

When the dawn soon comes darling

 

say once more

 

until you find them bored

[Lee Knight]

Great line:

 

If you knew what you'd wanted from me

You wouldn't be asking for more

[IllinoisJack]

Some nice images in there, but kinda vague.

 

I get that this is about a woman leaving - and the man's mixed feelings, but it took me two or three readings to get that. I think, IMHO, that you were trying too hard to write a "deep" song. Just tell the truth and be honest - you have the skills to do that. If this has happened to you, tell us about it - truthfully - we will understand and empathize.

 

If this is just a "story" you dreamed up in your head - than write a novel - not a song.

 

I mean all this constructively - I really think you can be good - I hope I didn't come off as "mean" or discouraging - I really just want to help you be as good as you can be.

[RickDieffenbach]

I'd have to disagree with Jack, I found the lyrics enticing straight out of the box. The whole song is sort of echos of Paul Simon and Bob Dillon and Al Stewart, like if they had had a child together. :-

 

And I like that.

 

The were pieces of the melody that did not not sit well with my ears. It may have been a singing issue. Not sure.

 

But the story itself, and the emotion in playing it, I liked much.

 

Rick