I'll Come Running (Now with bridge that incorporates "Guilty Pleasure" maybe)

[rhino55]

 

Here is my entry for the guilty pleasure song.  It doesn't actually use that phrase, but thematically that's what it's about.  If anyone has any ideas how to work it in, I'm open.

This is my first demo with the reso, vocal level is a little quite, but I'll get that figured out at some point.

EDIT: Now with bridge... maybe

I'll Come Running (with bridge)

I keep trying to forget you

It hadn't happened yet

Everywhere that I go

I'm just wondering where you're at

Are you ok

Cause I'll come running

Just call me and see

When I said that I do

I didn't intened to quit

and now I don't know how to stop

even though you split

Are you ok

Do you need me

Cause I'll come running

Just call me and see

Like ice cream in the freezer at 3 am

you're always on my mind

or that open bottle on the counter

I'll drink you till I'm blind

We didn't quite make forever

You'll always be my guilty pleasure

We're probably better off not together

You'll always be my guilty pleasure

Can't help but love you

It's all I know to do

Not a habit I want to break

even though we're through

Tell me are you ok

cause I'll come running 

Just call me and see

I'll Come Running

I keep trying to forget you

It hadn't happened yet

Everywhere that I go

I'm just wondering where you're at

Are you ok

Cause I'll come running

Just call me and see

When I said that I do

I didn't intened to quit

and now I don't know how to stop

even though you split

Are you ok

Do you need me

Cause I'll come running

Just call me and see

 

Can't help but love you

It's all I know to do

Not a habit I want to break

even though we're through

Tell me are you ok

cause I'll come running 

Just call me and see

[Lee Knight]

I love the dobro. Nice playing and tone. I'm envious. Ummm I like the tune a lot. As a matter of fact I think it could be improved by bringing the guilty pleasure thing into it. It would give an additional layer.  Something like this for a bridge?

 

You're like ice cream in the freezer, at 3 am

Layin' in bed can't get you off my mind

You're that open bottle of Jack on the counter

I'll drink you till I'm blind

These things I know I shouldn't but I do

It's a guilty pleasure that I'm still in love with you

[LCK]

[Oswlek]

Fantastic.  You have a wonderfully engaging and compelling verse a tag going, nearly perfect on a first write.  The song is pining for a chorus between the stanzas, though.  The tag isn't nearly enough to solidify the theme and break the same-same feeling throughout.  As closure and a lead in to the chorus, though, it is dynamite.

 

A couple lines to think about:

Everywhere that I go

Are you ok - prosody is off, isn't coming across naturally.

[rhino55]

Thanks fellas.

 

LK, that's great.

[mbfrancis]

 

---

rhino55 wrote:

 

 

Here is my entry for the guilty pleasure song.  It doesn't actually use that phrase, but thematically that's what it's about.  If anyone has any ideas how to work it in, I'm open.

 

This is my first demo with the reso, vocal level is a little quite, but I'll get that figured out at some point.

 

 

I'll Come Running

 

I keep trying to forget you

 

It hadn't happened yet

 

Everywhere that I go

 

I'm just wondering where you're at

 

Are you ok

 

Cause I'll come running

 

Just call me and see

 

When I said that I do

 

I didn't intened to quit

 

and now I don't know how to stop

 

even though you split

 

Are you ok

 

Do you need me

 

Cause I'll come running

 

Just call me and see

 

 

 

Can't help but love you

 

It's all I know to do

 

Not a habit I want to break

 

even though we're through

 

Tell me are you ok

 

cause I'll come running 

 

Just call me and see

---

 

 

What a great handling of a tough subject.  Yeah, needs a hook, but a great start:

When I said that I do

I didn't intened to quit

and now I don't know how to stop

even though you split

Just great.

[bee3]

Beautiful Ryan.  I think it's fine just the way it is... and that guitar...  awesomeness.

[rhino55]

Possible bridge/chorus/hook type thing relying heavily on LK's idea:

 

Like ice cream in the freezer at 3 am

when lying in bed you're on my mind

or that bottle on the counter

I'll drink you till I'm blind

We didn't quite make forever

You'll always be my guilty pleasure

We're probably better off not together

You'll always be my guilty pleasure

[oldgitplayer]

 

There are a couple of observations I have. They may not be relevant because nobody else has mentioned them.

---

rhino55 wrote: 

I'll Come Running

 

I keep trying to forget you

 

It hadn't happened yet

 

Everywhere that I go

 

I'm just wondering

where you're at

......Does anybody still use this very 60's expression?

 

Are you ok

 

Cause I'll come running

 

Just call me and see

 

 

 

The moment I read Just call  and I'll come running, linked together, I was immediately reminded of Carole King's,

Just call out my name

And you know wherever I am

I'll come running

To see you again 

 

Maybe I'm being too picky - it has been known to happen.

[rhino55]

 

I kind of fumbled the vocal but this gives a good idea of where it is.  I'm not sold on the bridge.  Thoughts?  If I keep it, which I'm leaning towards, I'm thinking it might be long now.  Anyone think I should cut the last verse and have it end after the bridge or maybe go skip the first half of the verse and just return to the "Are you ok" part?

I'll Come Running (with Bridge)

I keep trying to forget you

It hadn't happened yet

Everywhere that I go

I'm just wondering where you're at

Are you ok

Cause I'll come running

Just call me and see

When I said that I do

I didn't intened to quit

and now I don't know how to stop

even though you split

Are you ok

Do you need me

Cause I'll come running

Just call me and see

Like ice cream in the freezer at 3 am

you're always on my mind

or that open bottle on the counter

I'll drink you till I'm blind

We didn't quite make forever

You'll always be my guilty pleasure

We're probably better off not together

You'll always be my guilty pleasure

Can't help but love you

It's all I know to do

Not a habit I want to break

even though we're through

Tell me are you ok

cause I'll come running 

Just call me and see

[Foose31]

 

Like that ice cream in my freezer at 3 am

you're always on my mind

or that open bottle of Captain Morgan

I'll drink you till I'm blind

Yeah we didn't quite make it to forever

We're probably better apart than together

But you'll always be my finest guilty pleasure

____________

Maybe try the above.

[rhino55]

Gigged it for the first time last night with two guitars and a fiddle. It was very well received.

You guys were right about it needing a hook. Three people came up to me after the set and said something to the effect of they really enjoyed "that guilty pleasure song." That is the part they're remembering.

I could see peoples eyes light up with the ice cream line and that just continued on through the rest of the verse. Big thanks to all you guys but especially LK for that one.

The way I'm doing it now is

I keep trying to forget you

It hadn't happened yet

Everywhere that I go

I'm just wondering where you're at

Are you ok

Cause I'll come running

Just call me and see

When I said that I do

I didn't intened to quit

and now I don't know how to stop

even though you split

Like ice cream in the freezer at 3 am

you're always on my mind

or that open bottle on the counter

I'll drink you till I'm blind

We didn't quite make forever

You'll always be my guilty pleasure

We're better off apart not together

You'll always be my favorite guilty pleasure

Can't help but love you

It's all I know to do

Not a habit I want to break

even though we're through

Tell me are you ok

cause I'll come running

Just call me and see

Like ice cream in the freezer at 3 am

you're always on my mind

or that open bottle on the counter

I'll drink you till I'm blind

We didn't quite make forever

You'll always be my guilty pleasure

We're better off apart not together

You'll always be my favorite guilty pleasure

 

[Lee Knight]

Ice cream... good