Members bnelly428 Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 As many of you know, I am the BL for my band. In the last couple months I've gone through a lot both personally and professionally. I started a new job in February, GF and I broke up so I had to move back in with my parents. Some other little things that have happened here and there, and now my life is at a crossroads. Over the past three years (with this band) and 2 before that, I had lived my life around the band. I postponed moving closer to work, moving in general because we practiced in the basement of the house I was living, and basically postponed all social life to be available for the band. I was thrust into the leadership role two summers ago when no one else stepped up. So I did. And I think I did a pretty good job. We went from 12 shows in '09 to 35 in '10, 53 in '11 and on pace for around 45 for '12. We went from a $2-300 band a night 4-piece to just booking our first $1000 gig and a 5piece focused on top40 etc. I am proud of our accomplishments both as musicians and personally. These people are family. Nothing showed that more when we lost our friend and drummer last summer (RIP DD). I still think of him on the way to every show. But we rallied as musicians because that's what he would have wanted us to do. We brought on a younger and very talented drummer with a style that fit better. When one of us went through a divorce I took them in. We are family. Our bass player works every other weekend so we had to use a fill-in every other weekend if we booked shows. Our recent fill in doesn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vito Corleone Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 Best of luck with your future. Hope to still see you around! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members musicmanmu Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 That's a tough crossroads indeed. I can relate. I've had to slow down my gigging significantly as my career has progressed. I'm now working on my Ph.D., working full time, married and hoping to have a child soon. That being said, even though I rarely play band gigs anymore, I still try to do 2 or 3 acoustic show a month, and that keeps me happy. But you've gotta look after your bread and butter first. You'll find your way back to music when the time is right. Best of luck with the Master's man! And with the commute to Boston...ugh. The one thing I don't miss about MA is driving... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jeff42 Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 good luck but most of all do NOT lose touch with your band mates... they are friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members n9ne Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 Congratulations on recognizing that you couldn't do both, and being intelligent enough to put real life ahead of the band. An awful lot of musicians would have refused to compromise on the band thing, and either would have lost what sounds like a great opportunity, or they would have spread themselves too thin, creating a bad situation for themselves personally and for the band as a whole. I also commend you for handling the situation in a professional manner, putting everything on the table and giving them plenty of time to find a replacement and figure out how to handle things going forward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members guitarguy19 Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 Best of luck to you on your career and life in every aspect man. You know it's funny, sometimes you almost don't realize some of the sacrifices you've made in terms of time and other things until you look back on things. Not that one should have regrets, moreover just take the time and think about priorities once in a while. I know I have in my own personal life. And, a second best of luck on what I imagine to be a real bitch of a commute! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bnelly428 Posted April 13, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 Yes I forgot to mention that I am moving to Boston in the fall (updated OP). It would be way too much with traffic and commuting time. It makes more sense. It's a heck of a lot cheaper living with Mom and Dad that's for sure... but for a single 28/m it's probably not the best situation Also thank you for the kind words thus far. I know I made the right decision, but reassurance always helps! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stratotastic Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 Best of luck. I have always enjoyed reading your stuff. And you will love Boston! (Lived there for 12 years after growing up on Cape Cod.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MartinC Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 You handled it very well IMO. Basically handed over a band in much better shape than you received it-really a gift to your bandmates. Do your thing, and when your ready to play in a band again, you'll have that much more life experience to express. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members chevybusa Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 As many of you know, I am the BL for my band. In the last couple months I've gone through a lot both personally and professionally. I started a new job in February, GF and I broke up so I had to move back in with my parents. Some other little things that have happened here and there, and now my life is at a crossroads. Over the past three years (with this band) and 2 before that, I had lived my life around the band. I postponed moving closer to work, moving in general because we practiced in the basement of the house I was living, and basically postponed all social life to be available for the band. I was thrust into the leadership role two summers ago when no one else stepped up. So I did. And I think I did a pretty good job. We went from 12 shows in '09 to 35 in '10, 53 in '11 and on pace for around 45 for '12. We went from a $2-300 band a night 4-piece to just booking our first $1000 gig and a 5piece focused on top40 etc. I am proud of our accomplishments both as musicians and personally. These people are family. Nothing showed that more when we lost our friend and drummer last summer (RIP DD). I still think of him on the way to every show. But we rallied as musicians because that's what he would have wanted us to do. We brought on a younger and very talented drummer with a style that fit better. When one of us went through a divorce I took them in. We are family. Our bass player works every other weekend so we had to use a fill-in every other weekend if we booked shows. Our recent fill in doesn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bnelly428 Posted April 13, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 FOA, my condolences on your situation, that really sucks man, and I'm sorry to hear it. In the same breath though, congrats on such a great opportunity...I know it sucks now but trust me you will gain IMMEASURABLY from doing what you are doing, and you're definitely making the right decision...Best of luck man!!!! That's the toughest part, especially with the break up, you know it's for the best but it still sucks. I KNOW this is the right thing for my life and my career, but it does feel a little like leaving 4 people in the dust (I know I am not, but you know). I think me leaving with strengthen them. I already saw it after the announcement. They will be fine without me. /tear Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JailTime Posted April 13, 2012 Members Share Posted April 13, 2012 Good luck, but you'll be back to a band before to long. I'm just finishing my mba - stayed with the band throughout, but it took me 4 years, and only about 10 -15 shows a year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members StratGuy22 Posted April 16, 2012 Members Share Posted April 16, 2012 Good luck, it will all work out for the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bnelly428 Posted April 16, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 16, 2012 Good luck, it will all work out for the best. Thank you, and everyone. It was a bit different this weekend playing shows. I have been training/transitioning everyone to their new roles and giving them as much responsibility while I'm still around in case they need help. And I haven't been able to truly just enjoy playing guitar in a long time. I have always had something else on my mind. It was nice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wheresgrant3 Posted April 16, 2012 Members Share Posted April 16, 2012 That's the toughest part, especially with the break up, you know it's for the best but it still sucks. I KNOW this is the right thing for my life and my career, but it does feel a little like leaving 4 people in the dust (I know I am not, but you know).I think me leaving with strengthen them. I already saw it after the announcement. They will be fine without me. /tear Sorry to hear your in this position (someone with superhuman ambition would want it all) but I think you are making the right decision. In a year, two years or five, you'll have every opportunity to commit to another project like this. Perhaps the same. Stick around here though. You'll be missed if you don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stratotastic Posted April 16, 2012 Members Share Posted April 16, 2012 Forgot to add, you're probably aware already, but Boston is one of the best music towns in the country. With all the colleges, music schools (Conservatory, Berklee, etc), emphasis on the arts, and the young population, there is no shortage of really great folks to jam with. That's one of the biggest reasons I miss living there. There's someone to musically kick your ass at every turn, like running a gauntlet at every jam session. My playing grew exponentially during that time. I've lived in Minneapolis and Philly since, and...well...I really miss Boston. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bnelly428 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 17, 2012 Sorry to hear your in this position (someone with superhuman ambition would want it all) but I think you are making the right decision. In a year, two years or five, you'll have every opportunity to commit to another project like this. Perhaps the same. Stick around here though. You'll be missed if you don't. I'll do my best. I've been in the flip flopping between deactivating FB altogether because its a time sink and I don't connect with anyone that I wouldn't do IRL. I figure I won't have a ton of time, but it's always a nice break during the work day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bnelly428 Posted April 17, 2012 Author Members Share Posted April 17, 2012 Forgot to add, you're probably aware already, but Boston is one of the best music towns in the country. With all the colleges, music schools (Conservatory, Berklee, etc), emphasis on the arts, and the young population, there is no shortage of really great folks to jam with. That's one of the biggest reasons I miss living there. There's someone to musically kick your ass at every turn, like running a gauntlet at every jam session. My playing grew exponentially during that time. I've lived in Minneapolis and Philly since, and...well...I really miss Boston. Yeah you never know. Would I like to get better? Absolutely. Do I think I'll have the time to practice enough to get better? I haven't up until now for the most part haha. After I quit WoW (recovering geek) I played guitar when I got the urge to Raid. I improved A LOT in that 6 months. We'll see. Maybe I can give up some other recreational activities and play guitar more. I will need to get a powered speaker though because I don't have an amp anymore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mstreck Posted April 17, 2012 Members Share Posted April 17, 2012 Best of luck to you! I am planning on starting my masters in the fall. I really hope that I don't need to make the same choice that you did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bnelly428 Posted June 1, 2012 Author Members Share Posted June 1, 2012 UPDATE: So last Friday was my last show... Not because it was planned, but because the guy who took over (the one I took in when he was going through his divorce) threw in the towel. I won't go into details, but the way he approached it was immature, condesending, manipulative and extremely unprofessional. He "announced" he was quiting while we were taking the stage for set 3. Then he got in my face.... No physical altercation, however, I will never speak to him again. We changed the locks on the practice space early Saturday morning before he tried to get in. He then tried to berate me through text (after deleting everyone from facebook etc) to which I said it wasn't my problem, I'm not in the band anymore. So when "he" went to go pick up his equipment at the practice space, he sent his GF. You learn a lot about people in this business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members nchangin Posted June 1, 2012 Members Share Posted June 1, 2012 Best of luck on the Masters. Having been through it, remember nothing less than an A is unacceptable once you reach that level of eduction. The really cool part is you get to research something you enjoy or want to research! Good luck in your endeavors! Education comes and goes but your soul never changes and someday you will be back to the music. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wheresgrant3 Posted June 1, 2012 Members Share Posted June 1, 2012 UPDATE: So last Friday was my last show... Not because it was planned, but because the guy who took over (the one I took in when he was going through his divorce) threw in the towel. I won't go into details, but the way he approached it was immature, condesending, manipulative and extremely unprofessional. He "announced" he was quiting while we were taking the stage for set 3. Then he got in my face.... No physical altercation, however, I will never speak to him again. We changed the locks on the practice space early Saturday morning before he tried to get in. He then tried to berate me through text (after deleting everyone from facebook etc) to which I said it wasn't my problem, I'm not in the band anymore. So when "he" went to go pick up his equipment at the practice space, he sent his GF. You learn a lot about people in this business. Wow! Really? I've had those moments. But never on stage. Did he do it on the mic or just between the band. Terrible! Is the band still playing though? I got an FB update and someone is promoting the show tonight at Effins Pub. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jeff42 Posted June 1, 2012 Members Share Posted June 1, 2012 Wow! Really? I've had those moments. But never on stage. Did he do it on the mic or just between the band. Terrible! Wow... what a way to end it all huh? I've had it happen to me back in the early 90s. I remember it well. Our singer and bassist were starting to get VERY wild with their partying and our guitar player was at that point living a very clean life style. yeah those two lifestyles just don't match... Well, our singer's voice wasn't up to par that night because of all the heavy drinking so our guitar player calmly said "I quit." This was 5 minutes before our 3rd set at a packed club. He did play the rest of the show, but packed up in silence and walked out. The band tried to find a new guitar player but the momentum was gone and the band ended. Pity too. It was a really good band that could have done some great things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bnelly428 Posted June 1, 2012 Author Members Share Posted June 1, 2012 Wow! Really? I've had those moments. But never on stage. Did he do it on the mic or just between the band. Terrible! Is the band still playing though? I got an FB update and someone is promoting the show tonight at Effins Pub. The remaining 3 members and my replacement are going to be a 4-piece from now on. We toyed with the idea of playing a 5 piece so I could have a proper "last show" but at this point, it doesn't make sense to me. Yes they are playing tomorrow night. I'll be in Boston on a date at the Beer Fest thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members FitchFY Posted June 1, 2012 Members Share Posted June 1, 2012 1.) Congrats on the Masters and move, man. I'm still up in Boston (work downtown and live in Watertown), and I dig it. I'm moving to Metrowest in September, but I'll still be around a lot, and if you need a head's up on some good bands to check out or places to hang, feel free to drop me a PM. Ooh, and come see my band. 2.) Regarding Friday.... that's just bush league. Very sorry to hear it fizzled like that due to one person's foolishness, but at least "it's not your problem." Hopefully it helps solidify your bond with the rest of the band mates. And hey, when you've got your bad-ass degree and a life back in 2 years, you'll be in prime position to get in with a new band! I took a year or almost two off from the drums in the mid-2000s and came back stronger than ever. Best wishes, best of luck, and welcome to friggin' Boston, guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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