Members stickboymusic Posted December 13, 2014 Members Share Posted December 13, 2014 Hello again Just sat in front of the mic and this one popped out - it's only the start so far but i think its got legs..... just verse and chorus so far.... what do you say?? EDIT: FLESHED IT OUT A BIT Already Made. https://soundcloud.com/stickboy/alre...t-of-a-new-one Well I sunk to the bottomI was drunk and forgottenIf you wanna get me outThen you gotta let me knowYeh you gotta let it showThat you're thinking about meAs i sit here surroundedBy the only thing i knowI was i could only showHow i feel Show me a love that's not tarred with regretMake me a part of your silhouetteBlow me a kiss that don't fall to the groundI'll be there if you want me aroundShake me and break me and rattle bonesGive me a truth i can call my ownI'm lying in a bed that I've already madeI'm lying in a bed that I've already madeI'm lying in a bed that I've already made If you wait for the warningIll be gone come the morningYou could watch me disappearOr keep your conscience clearEither way I won't be hereTonight Show me a love that's not tarred with regretMake me a part of your silhouetteBlow me a kiss that don't fall to the groundI'll be there if you want me aroundShake me and break me and rattle bonesGive me a truth i can call my ownI'm lying in a bed that I've already madeI'm lying in a bed that I've already madeI'm lying in a bed that I've already made Oh won't you save mePlease save meFrom myself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted December 13, 2014 Members Share Posted December 13, 2014 Really nice song. It's got some elements that feel familiar to the ear but that are still original. That's not an easy thing to pull off. I remember the first time I heard "I Get Around" by the Beach Boys, it felt both unique and familiar at the same time. The chorus is fabulous. These are some truly great lines: Show me a love that's not tarred with regretMake me a part of your silhouetteBlow me a kiss that don't fall to the groundI'll be there if you want me around I mean, that's top-knotch songwriting right there. I can't wait to hear it fleshed out, instrumentally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DonnaMarilyn Posted December 13, 2014 Members Share Posted December 13, 2014 You're on a roll. A few quick, random thoughts. I'm with LCK. Good lines/imagery, SBM. In fact, I'm wondering whether lines 3-4 might serve best as a riveting & memorable bridge - which as you know, can carry as much weight as a chorus, sometimes even more). As a chorus, I can envisage something simple - maybe 3-5 lines - that includes the repeated lines 'I'm lying in a bed I've already made'. Lines 4 & 5 in the present chorus don't feel connected to the context. (I can imagine them in another lyric.) I don't know how open you are though to restructuring the format. Couple of suggestions for V1. Well I 'VE sunk to the bottom Drunk and forgotten If you wanna get me out Then you gotta let me know Yeh you gotta let it show That you're thinking about me As i LIE here surrounded By the only thing i know I only WISH i could show How i feel Keep or sweep, of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted December 13, 2014 Moderators Share Posted December 13, 2014 Stop it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted December 13, 2014 Moderators Share Posted December 13, 2014 Ok.. Don't. I love this. Yeah the silhouette line and the blown kiss line are freaking fantastic. It's funny, in the chorus you're singing the line lying in the bed I've already made and you repeated it identically and then you have that variation on the third line. When I heard the variation on the third I so wanted you to keep going and pounding the insistence of that line over and over again. :-) And then you did! Great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted December 13, 2014 Moderators Share Posted December 13, 2014 I don't mean to side line here but... Can you please detail how you recorded this? One mic? Two? It's perfect and I can't seem to manage that guitar and voice live thing very well my recordings. And your guitar is fabulous. Is that the Gibson? Wonderfully dark and intimate sounding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted December 13, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 13, 2014 I don't mean to side line here but... Can you please detail how you recorded this? One mic? Two? It's perfect and I can't seem to manage that guitar and voice live thing very well my recordings. And your guitar is fabulous. Is that the Gibson? Wonderfully dark and intimate sounding. thanks guys - hopefully this will turn out a good one. I kept the mic fairly low and just sung it whilst playing the guitar into one mic......i say fairly low... maybe so the mic is still above the guitar but not too far but so i could still sing whilst sat down....and yeh the gibson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted December 13, 2014 Moderators Share Posted December 13, 2014 Okay, no the input. The line, won't you save me from myself. I'm not suggesting you even consider changing it but... It was the one thing that struck me as perhaps calling for a little imagery and dancing around the cliché. But thing is I know that's exactly what you want to say. So changing it might be comparable to effing it up. However, because it did cross my mind I'll throw it out there. Something like MJ's image of the man in the mirror... Oh won't you save me from the man who wears my shoes? Won't you save me from the boy who sings these blues? Won't you save me from a heart that will never melt, and from myself. Naa... It's perfect as is, really fantastic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted December 13, 2014 Moderators Share Posted December 13, 2014 One mic and done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted December 13, 2014 Moderators Share Posted December 13, 2014 Tyler agrees. You're going to have to be killed. You're too good she says. And... "I'll buy all his albums and hang them on the wall and one day years from now I'll find my kids listening to one and they'll ask who it is and I'll say oh yeah that's a Stickboy classic and I'll say 'I can't believe you kids are listening to the same stuff I listened to when I was 17. Cool" That's what she said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted December 13, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 13, 2014 That girl rocks AND she sings great too You got yourself a good one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted December 13, 2014 Members Share Posted December 13, 2014 I don't mean to side line here but... Can you please detail how you recorded this? One mic? Two? It's perfect and I can't seem to manage that guitar and voice live thing very well my recordings. And your guitar is fabulous. Is that the Gibson? Wonderfully dark and intimate sounding. Thanks for asking that...I don't mean to drift off this great little bit of songwriting either but dang that sounds clean, so clean not a string squeak at all. Very good vocals, one mic! Dang, I won't attempt to offer a suggestion...sweet bit of writing and playing...I hope someone is paying you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 13, 2014 Members Share Posted December 13, 2014 Another one!!! - now you're just showing off Stick……..png.197c47f720636f02390cc2b0a33804da.png' alt='smiley-veryhappy'> …..but that's all right - we love what you do. I know everyone is taken with the technical recording purity of what you have posted, but as a song, I hope that you will add some more instrumentation to shift it up a notch from a personal ballad in Am. I think it needs that bit more to make it a shiny thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted December 14, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 14, 2014 Another one!!! - now you're just showing off Stick……..png.197c47f720636f02390cc2b0a33804da.png' alt='smiley-veryhappy'> …..but that's all right - we love what you do. I know everyone is taken with the technical recording purity of what you have posted' date=' but as a song, I hope that you will add some more instrumentation to shift it up a notch from a personal ballad in Am. I think it needs that bit more to make it a shiny thing.[/quote'] Oh of course this is no where near finished. It's as basic as it can be.... for a ballad....In Dm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 14, 2014 Members Share Posted December 14, 2014 I know already that I don't have perfect pitch……….but I'm pleased at least that I can hear the difference between a major and a minor key………. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted December 14, 2014 Moderators Share Posted December 14, 2014 One mic and done. sorry OGP, I didn't mean that literally. I just like that that particular demo is a piece of MUSIC and not just a sketch pad note. It's a rare thing, even for Stick, to have it all click like it is here. Sure there's work ahead... But this is a hell of a jump start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 14, 2014 Members Share Posted December 14, 2014 ^^^^ It was my fault - I had my attention set at -10dB……... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted December 15, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 15, 2014 Ok here is a basic tracking - not a great deal going on yet.... do you think its working? https://soundcloud.com/stickboy/already-made-in-progress Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted December 15, 2014 Moderators Share Posted December 15, 2014 Nice. I like the "porting over" to a drum feel. One thing you might want to look out for is losing the vibe and feel of your demo on those "lying in a bed that I already made" sections. There's a certain attitude that you conveyed on those sections that is missing here. I think if you were to cut back the kick on those sections to just the 1 and build (1) Lying in a bed that I already made(1) Lying in a bed that I (3) already made(1) Lying in a (2) bed that I (3) already made That might open up that those sections to convey that mood push your demo has there. To be clear, I'm only talking those "lying in a bed that I already made" sections. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted December 15, 2014 Moderators Share Posted December 15, 2014 And maybe cut the snare to just 4? or the + of 4? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted December 15, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 15, 2014 When you say cut back the kick...are suggesting to cut back to only kick... then start to build up? Yeh that should work.... I'm hoping I thing instruments will also build that section Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted December 15, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 15, 2014 Grrr phone. I thing = other Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted December 15, 2014 Moderators Share Posted December 15, 2014 Maybe cut back to just kick or maybe just cut your kick pattern back. But I think for it to build it needs to drop some how right there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted December 16, 2014 Author Members Share Posted December 16, 2014 So..... it got a bit noisy. https://soundcloud.com/stickboy/already-made-in-progress Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted December 16, 2014 Members Share Posted December 16, 2014 But it's good noise.I love the high-pitched single note behind the opening lines and the reverse instrumentation at the end. To my ears it's done. The only question I ask is whether the vocal volume of the chorus could be raised a tad, as the vocal has become a bit overpowered and the lyric is hard to hear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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