Members stickboymusic Posted March 3, 2012 Members Share Posted March 3, 2012 Hello - just got this finished (?) today. I have to say, unusually, i havent really taken anyones advice onboard and i apologise for this.... i liked the word "permenantly" too much and I liked the repeat chorus at the end too much as well! I hope it has come together enough now? If anything is "really" bothering people then I may make some changes at this stage.....I have to say... im pretty happy with how its turned out though. Right the wrong. If you're dying to becaught by the windcaught by the seathen i'll be permanentlyat your side We will set our sails highraise the anchor wave goodbyeto all the people left behindI guess you tried You've been running for too longI'll right the wrongI'll right the wrongBe steady and be strongI'll right the wrong We'll start again on foreign landbury your secrets in the sandone day im sure they'll understandand we'll go home You've been running for too longI'll right the wrongI'll right the wrongBe steady and be strongI'll right the wrong I'll sing to you this songthen right the wrong [video=youtube;UlQTZAnAFS4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlQTZAnAFS4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted March 3, 2012 Moderators Share Posted March 3, 2012 Perfect. I love it. A great example of hearing it right in your head and making it so. Perfect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ontological Posted March 3, 2012 Members Share Posted March 3, 2012 Brilliant dude! Love the voice on this one especially. :thu: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 3, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 3, 2012 Thanks guys - I guess its finished then Funny you should mention the voice, this is not my usual style.... i dont usually go for higher notes but it seems to work on this song thank you again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted March 4, 2012 Members Share Posted March 4, 2012 Very, very good.I couldn't make one suggestion for improvement. The feel of the song and the fingerpicking takes me back to the folk clubs and coffee bars of the late 60's where often there were unknown names playing superbly, but I never heard them again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 4, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 4, 2012 The feel of the song and the fingerpicking takes me back to the folk clubs and coffee bars of the late 60's where often there were unknown names playing superbly, but I never heard them again. Im sure there is a compliment in there somewhere Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted March 4, 2012 Members Share Posted March 4, 2012 Im sure there is a compliment in there somewhere Yep - there's one in there, and the one that preceded it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rickidoo Posted March 4, 2012 Members Share Posted March 4, 2012 I'd like to write one song as beautifully crafted before I leave planet earth. Beautiful, simply, beautiful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 4, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 4, 2012 I'd like to write one song as beautifully crafted before I leave planet earth. Beautiful, simply, beautiful. I'm sure you will, I think you probably already have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members animalwithin Posted March 4, 2012 Members Share Posted March 4, 2012 stickyboy, this is beautiful and inspiring! I need to spend more time on this part of the forum lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 4, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 4, 2012 stickyboy, this is beautiful and inspiring! I need to spend more time on this part of the forum lol. Thank you! Yeh do join in.... post some songs and give some advice if you have some. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 4, 2012 Members Share Posted March 4, 2012 No need to apologize... that should be a rule here... no butt-hurtyness if advice not taken. In fact, it probably is... I still haven't read the rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 Very nicely done. I don't think the lyric is quite finished though. to all the people left behindI guess you tried These hit me as "place-holder" lines. The lead up to them is so beautiful and perfect, then there's a bit of a letdown, particularly on that last line. Also "people left behind" feels a bit generic to me. And since the music and lyric are so perfectly polished otherwise, I think rhyming "behind" with "sky" and "goodbye" feels a bit jarring. (Behind adds not one, but two consonants to an open "i" sound.) And I think this line, "one day im sure they'll understand" might work better like this, one day perhaps they'll understand... I think that fits better than saying you're certain about the outcome. Beautifully written and beautifully sung tune, though. Very, very nice. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 5, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 Very nicely done.I don't think the lyric is quite finished though.to all the people left behindI guess you triedThese hit me as "place-holder" lines. The lead up to them is so beautiful and perfect, then there's a bit of a letdown, particularly on that last line. Also "people left behind" feels a bit generic to me. And since the music and lyric are so perfectly polished otherwise, I think rhyming "behind" with "sky" and "goodbye" feels a bit jarring. (Behind adds not one, but two consonants to an open "i" sound.)And I think this line,"one day im sure they'll understand"might work better like this,one day perhaps they'll understand...I think that fits better than saying you're certain about the outcome.Beautifully written and beautifully sung tune, though. Very, very nice.LCK These points were raised before i went and recorded properly and i dunno...for me they work? I like the first thing as it works in two ways To all the people left behind, i guess you tried (meaning they tried)ORwave goodbye to all the people left behind. I guess you tried (meaning she tried) And i like this, doesn't give too much away as for the other thing.... i think a positive remark (whether true or not) is just what this person wants to hear.... and that is the ONLY reason we would go home. I have taken your comments on board..... but its not bothering me enough to change it and just and get in the same vocal mood/position to drop a line in without notice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 Hey look! You're near water in the picture in the video. This is really amazing. I love it. I can easily hear this in a movie. And I don't remember what my comment was... probably about keeping it sparse. To me, this still is sparse... Sounds great. Edit: You took my "I'll sing this song" advice but put it at the end... where, I think, makes perfect sense and works really well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 5, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 You took my "I'll sing this song" advice but put it at the end... where, I think, makes perfect sense and works really well. Ohh yes of course! Thank you for that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 Great. I still think that ending earlier was a better way to go in the earlier incarnation, but with this one coming back around (and adding Bee's "sing the song") comes off really well. Truth be told, I think if I wrote and recorded this exact song, it wouldn't have come off nearly as well. There is something truly endearing about your delivery that makes anything palatable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 Another observation: I really like how the fingerpicking parts really stand out in the mix... And a question: What reverb do you use on the vocals? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 5, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 Another observation: I really like how the fingerpicking parts really stand out in the mix... And a question: What reverb do you use on the vocals? I did this on adobe audition...its fairly basic but like i said on another post, it doesnt really do midi so i just focus on playing it all properly and naturally, no grid or anything. I just used one of the in built reverbs that came with it..... quite a lot of it on the vocals to fills some gaps and not too much on other stuff.... nice long tail and lots of early reflections on voice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted March 5, 2012 Author Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 oh and the think that makes it for me, sound wise, is i scrapped the acoustic and used my nylon strung which is so much more mellow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 I wouldn't change anything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 I have taken your comments on board..... but its not bothering me enough to change it and just and get in the same vocal mood/position to drop a line in without notice. I guess that's where we differ. For me, making sure the song is 100% there is always the first priority. That said, the song probably has enough strength as is to override the flaws I see in the lyric. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 I guess that's where we differ. For me, making sure the song is 100% there is always the first priority.That said, the song probably has enough strength as is to override the flaws I see in the lyric.LCK BAD PUN ALERT!!! Do I detect a case of one man's flaws being another man's ceiling? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted March 5, 2012 Members Share Posted March 5, 2012 BAD PUN ALERT!!!Do I detect a case of one man's flaws being another man's ceiling? I didn't get it until I remembered you speak English without fully pronouncing your "r's". Hint for the rest of you Americans who didn't get it either: one man's floors is another man's ceiling... LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted March 6, 2012 Moderators Share Posted March 6, 2012 I guess that's where we differ. For me, making sure the song is 100% there is always the first priority.That said, the song probably has enough strength as is to override the flaws I see in the lyric.LCK He's saying he doesn't really agree with you 100%. And the real logistics of working a commercial track prohibit him from backtracking at this point on a mild hunch. I do believe if he were agreeing with your assessment in a big way he'd go back and do it. I've seen him do it. But as time goes on in any sort of endeavor, the balance shifts from doable to not doable. All based on perceived merit. It's project management as much as anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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