New song, pop departure #2.......

Gang,

 

Ok, this is a song that I wrote 2 years ago, and have been recording ever since I wrote it.... On and off..

 

To me, it's the strongest song I've written even though it is a country-pop ballad, my least favorite style of music save hip-hop..

 

Now, my performance of the song might not be 'strong', but I do think the song itself is.

 

I finished the vocals today, and did a mix and rough mastering job this evening. So, if things sound a little fishy, it's because my ears were a bit tired....

 

The idea for the song came when I asked myself "Well, what has HE got that I don't have??", after losing a girlfriend to another guy - 20 some years ago. (I'm long since happily married, and don't need girlfriends)

 

Sometimes, the answer to that question is like REALLY difficult.... and other times, no - not so much.

 

Anyway...

 

Equipment list;

 

Computer

Makie Tracktion.

Ovation acoustic guitar.

Jackson dinky electric.

MXL 990

Alesis M1 monitors.

Peavy CS400 amp.

Various free VST/VSTi plug-ins.

Samples from around the internet.

 

This post is long, 'cause I'm waiting for the song to upload on dialup.....

 

But, I'm running out of things to type....

 

Here is the song;

 

http://www.skyrippersystems.com/MP3/DHHA_Sister.mp3

 

Thanks for listening!

 

Here are the lyrics;

-----------------------------------------

Does he have a sister?

G C D C

when I met her in the drive way, her bags were packed, I just got home from work

G C D C

she was leavin', with a guy named Steven, who she met on a trip to New York

Em D/F# G C

she said 'hon I'm going away today, I love somebody else

G C D C

He's got good looks a nice house a fast car and a job with high pay

G C D C

and a good sense of humor a pleasure boat, and a 401K

 

 

Prechorus;

Em D/F# C

I said let me ask you this before you leave me.....

 

 

Chorus

G Em

Does he have a sister?, I'd like to meet her,

Am7 D

she must be a nice gal, to have a brother like that.

G Em

Is she pretty, and would she like me?

Am7 D

Could she love a boy with a broken heart?

Am7 B7 C Cm

I'm gonna need someone to fill the space you leave me dear

G C Cm7

Have her call me, if you should meet her, please tell her I'm lonely here

 

G C Cm G

Second Verse

 

The night you called me, from the city, in the club that he'd taken you to

 

You were just friends, for the weekend, at least what I was hearin' from you

 

He took you to down to Broadway, and the ballpark, and the Zoo

 

to his townhouse, on the terrace, where you drank wine and talked about art

 

He made you feel special, beautiful, and later that night, he stold your heart

 

 

But let me ask you this before you go.

 

Chorus

 

Bridge

 

G D/F#

 

Bm C G D

I'm gonna miss you as your take your love away

 

Am7 Bm C C#7

But I just cant, compete with him, to make you want to stay

 

Chorus +1 Step Modulation...

 

 

A F#m

Does he have a sister?, I'd like to meet her,

Bm7 E

she must be a nice gal, to have a brother like that.

A F#m

Is she pretty, and would she like me?

Bm7 E

Could she love a boy with a broken heart?

Bm7 C#7 D Dm

I'm gonna need someone to fill the space you leave me dear

A D Dm7

Have her call me, if you should meet her, please tell her I'm lonely here

Excellent songwriting tamoore.....more complex than a typical three chord country song. That makes it fun to play and equally enjoyable for the listener. Good story behind this too. It reminds me a bit of George Strait...

 

You may not favor it for your writing but you do a marvellous job at it so I would encourage you to write more like this.....

 

Nice touch posting the lyrics/chords - thanks!

 

ido1957

 

Originally posted by tamoore To me, it's the strongest song I've written even though it is a country-pop ballad, my least favorite style of music save hip-hop..

 

 

This is a great song. I really enjoyed it even though I hate country-pop ballads on principle (and the Elvis moment at the end totally cracked me up).

 

This is a great song. I really enjoyed it even though I hate country-pop ballads on principle

 

 

+1

 

I like the chord progressions, keeps the song from getting boring and repetitive. And your vocals are great, definetely nothing wrong with them. Also good harmonies in there, subtle but effective. Ultimately I have no suggestions to add to this. Well done, and I don't really know much about this style of music. I wonder how this song would sound with an alternative rock feel. I could certainly see the chord progression working for that.

This is great. Really clever lyrics in the chorus. Like you, I don't usually go for this style either, but you did a bang-up job with it.

 

EDIT: Great vocals too, BTW.

 

Thanks for the listens and the comments, guys.

 

 

I was hoping that this song was as solid as I thought it was, and that I wasn't just making it better than it was in my head.

 

It's the only one I've written that could have real commercial success, I think.

 

 

Thanks for the encouragement on the vocal thing too.

 

Rasdasiv: my wife hates the 'Elvis' thing on the end - do you think it's too corn ball? Country is 'corn ball' a lot of the time, but I don't want to go over-board.

 

Thanks again.

Your wife is right. I personally enjoyed it, but this is basically a straight song. Plus, you've gotta live with her...

I like your song. Good job!

 

I want to find a rich girlfriend too.....

i purposefully didn't read the lyrics before i heard the tune. "does he have a sister" - i laughed out loud - and loudly. very clever.

 

there's such a departure from that corny country ballad thing - there's humor in it, but then i like how it revisits the loss theme as the tune goes on. the 'sister' thing can be taken tongue-in-cheek at first, and then it gets more serious. there's a cool sense of irony in between the two concepts. again, very clever

 

i'm going to just mention how 'sparkly' i think the recording was, but i've made a concerted decision that i'm going to stop talking about production in this forum when i listen to tunes UNLESS (1)the production REALLY KILLS the tune's intended effect; (2) i think a low-fi vibe is helping the song along OR (3) the songwriter specifically asks for production ears. IMHO, there are enough production-related forums out there that give really great advice.

 

so, this is the last time: it's a bit too bright all around. this is probably something you could remedy relatively quickly with a quick-fix EQing before you mixdown, OR by bumping the mixdown you already have into a new project and using the internal EQ in Tracktion (how is that, btw?) to cut the highs a bit.

I liked the tune as well. Its got a good swingin feel and the lyrics are pure country.

 

One thing I didn't like was the sound of the lead guitar parts, too saturated, I would make them more open or tweed sounding.

The execution was fine tho.

 

All in all a very well written song.

 

 

 

Toasted Head

 

Originally posted by bluesway i purposefully didn't read the lyrics before i heard the tune. "does he have a sister" - i laughed out loud - and loudly. very clever. there's such a departure from that corny country ballad thing - there's humor in it, but then i like how it revisits the loss theme as the tune goes on. the 'sister' thing can be taken tongue-in-cheek at first, and then it gets more serious. there's a cool sense of irony in between the two concepts. again, very clever i'm going to just mention how 'sparkly' i think the recording was, but i've made a concerted decision that i'm going to stop talking about production in this forum when i listen to tunes UNLESS (1)the production REALLY KILLS the tune's intended effect; (2) i think a low-fi vibe is helping the song along OR (3) the songwriter specifically asks for production ears. IMHO, there are enough production-related forums out there that give really great advice. so, this is the last time: it's a bit too bright all around. this is probably something you could remedy relatively quickly with a quick-fix EQing before you mixdown, OR by bumping the mixdown you already have into a new project and using the internal EQ in Tracktion (how is that, btw?) to cut the highs a bit.

 

 

Thanks for the words, Bluesway - always feel free to comment on my production, as I want to create the best total presentation that I can, and I really value everyone's input in all phases of music, from writing, through mastering...

 

That was the first mixdown of the song, and I used a multi-band compressor that really punched up the upper end, I think..

 

I've since 'remastered' it with only just a limiter and some pre-limit EQ, and that version is a lot better.

 

Traction is great. After using Cubase a little, I can't see how I'd ever go back.

 

Traction is great, IMO, for guys who are trying to simultaneously engineer and perform their own material. It's really easy to use and manipulate, and doesn't bog you down with the details.

 

However, it still does have enough of the details so that you can get pretty good results, IMO....

 

I like that it doesn't use a traditional windows interface...

 

It's direct-X, and programmed like a game, so the way you work is more ergonomic and intuitive than even windows itself tries to be. I was literally recording keeper tracks within a few moments of getting it installed.

Originally posted by fender64 I liked the tune as well. Its got a good swingin feel and the lyrics are pure country. One thing I didn't like was the sound of the lead guitar parts, too saturated, I would make them more open or tweed sounding. The execution was fine tho. All in all a very well written song. Toasted Head

 

Thanks f64..

 

The demo version I did had like heavy metal sounding leads, so I thought I did tone them down a bit.......

Definitely a wish-I'd-thought-of-that song idea. The chorus is a keeper. It sounds like you split the verse vocals into two parts, and are alternating or punching-in every line, almost like they overlap. Is that right? The verse sounds cluttered, either as cause or effect of this phenomenon.

Tamoore....that was {censored}ing EXCELLENT!!!!! :cool: :cool: :cool:

Originally posted by 44deluxe Tamoore....that was {censored}ing EXCELLENT!!!!! :cool: :cool: :cool:

 

Seconded!

 

Not my kind of music, but I really dig the song. Beautiful. Great lyrics, too.

 

Tamoore, you're one talented mofo.

44D & Boons;

 

It means a lot to hear the love from my OJ home boys! :love:

 

Thanks for listening guys....

 

I just finished tracking the last song on my CD yesterday... I'll let you know when its mixed and all mastered and ready to go.. There are some ok rock type songs on it that you might like

 

Thanks again.

man, that was excellent.

 

awesome lyrics.

The style isn't really my bag but that is pretty darn awesome man Superb production - those harmonies are great and I really like the simple yet effective approach to the arrangement. Key change is a nice touch too. Great stuff