A humorous strip club song

True story.

10 Bucks

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=933115&songID=7420652

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blue2blue

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And now, on to your song...

I have to admit, I wasn't really that hopeful upon seeing the title of the thread -- but the folky/jazzy major 7 driven music won me over and seems to draw a lot more out of the first couple of verses than is evident on the lyric sheet... by the time we get to the last verse, the light, drily droll tone has set us up and the couple of gentle grin lines in there seem almost zinger-like... a perfect example of a light touch and good pacing making the most of what under the microscope might look like fairly modest material.

Good job. I definitely enjoyed myself.

I liked the song a lot. Didn't like your orchestration. But you've got talent kid.

I listened to "Didn't Have a Clue". Liked that too. Like the first song,

you throw in a Thurberesque zinger at the end.

It's a better arrangement. Your voice makes me think of Daniel Powter.

UPDATE:

I liked your stuff so much, I listened to the third song.

"I sound like everybody else on the radio now,"

Wow! You are really good! The best thing you have is

your light touch. You have a clever sense of humor.

And you definitely have your own lyrical identity.

Of the three, I like song 2 the best. But it's really close

to the radio song. They're both great Pop. They're the kind

of songs my college students listen to. If you're not in a Boy Band,

you should get in one fast. You have the musical, vocal and

songwriting chops down.

Excellent work. Some of the best I've heard in this forum.

DON'T LOSE your light touch. It's a rare gift.

Thank you guys so much! You gave really in depth reviews ( i actually had to use the dictionary for Thurberesque - hehe) and I really appreciate that! I hope to help out on the forum any way I can. Thank you again blue2blue and marcellis for your detailed feedback. Cheers!

I am not lying. Millions of college kids in Asia would have songs 2 & 3 on their I-Pods if they knew about it.

You make the kind of music they listen to over here.

I've listened to "Didn't Have A Clue" about 5 times in a row. I like it more each time.

I'm a fan.

Very laid back, airy sound. Nice song to relax to and get a kick out of. Everything sounds great. The vocals; the guitar tracks; the bass; the drums. Did you play all of the instruments?

Thank you marcellis for checking out my other songs! I've wanted to visit Asia for a long time. At Drumas funk - thank you very much and yeah i played the guitar through various amp sims on my laptop and I midi programmed the drums and bass.

The music is catchy and nice. The playing is good and the same goes for hte actual recording. I like your voice too.

But it didn't work for me because of the lyrics. I mean, you're singing about a stripper giving you a discount. That's a great idea. The concept is humerous. The delivery isn't. I mean, you gotta go over the top if you're gonna go with a loaded topic like that, dude.

There's a great novelty song in here. But the narrative is weak: I was walking along. A girl asked to give me a dance. She said I owed her money afterwards. It's just not a very good story. I'd scrap that whole backstory stuff and go to town on the stripping. And the discount. Right now it doesn't add up - if she was gonna knock it down to $10, why wouldn't she go a dollar shorter? What was the original price. And tell me about this broad. Was she busty? Lithe? Her tits- were they real or some butchered tit job? Did she have stripper stench? What about those greasy dollar bills in her thong? Was she pretending to like you or did she really? Would you care anyway? And what about that dance? Did you get a semi? Was it even worht $10? And then there's the whole "hooker with the heart of gold" cliche to play against. You don't even have to work that hard for it. There's a goldmine of stuff here. Dig a little more.

This is a TRUE story of what actually happened to me. I'm writing from my actual point of view and I don't think you get it. This is what actually happened - I got up and started to leave after the lap dance without even thinking of paying her. She came after me and I got excited and thought she would want to meet up later, get my number, whatever (didn't think about the money) So when she said said "Hey, you owe me ten bucks" it was awkward and I was like "oh.....uh ok". I looked down in my wallet and I only had 9 dollars. Thank you for your input though but did you even think about it this way?

No. I didn't. And I agree with you - I don't get it. I've been to dozens of strip clubs. I couldn't imagine walking into one by accident or getting a discount. I believe you, though.

I also now understand why you didn't get more imaginative with the lyrics: you're hinging closely to real life. That can be a hindrence.

I didn't walk into it by accident, however, it was my first time going to one. And 10 bucks wasn't a discount. It's what she wanted to begin with but I only had nine. When you listen to the lyrics try picturing a music video going along with everything that's happening, maybe it will make more sense then.

Okay. Listened again. The discount was $9 cause that's all you had. I thought $10 was the discount. You were in the Cabaret already. First time I heard it I thought you were walking by - but it was the girl who was walking by you at the Cabaret and rooked you into a dance. You just forgot to pay. Okay.

Maybe it's not that confusing and I was just too busy wondering about her tits to listen for the nuances in the lyrics...

Nice jam, by the way.

I think the strip club song is the weakest on his page.

This one absolutely blows me away. The orchestration, the lyrics,

the back-up vx, the concept, everything about it.

Didn't Have A Clue

How in the Hell did you do that? Studio?

The only suggestion I can make on "Didn't Have a Clue" is to

ditch the two-bar piano intro. It adds nothing. It's been used.

Come right in with your voice. Or use the refrain riff at the beginning

for two bars.

This one is killer. It reminds me of Steely Dan's "The Fez".

The lyrical irony is lighter. The social satire is more spot-on though.

Heard it on the Radio