Members bee3 Posted June 26, 2012 Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 Here's a new one I'm working on... I've really been struggling with the verses. I have a few different ideas, but haven't really been happy with any of them. Last night, I came up with this idea... it's out of my normal realm... and I don't know that it's working. Frustrated, I laid this down quickly... I know the cadence is a bit wonky. Interested to see if you think the idea works. http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11729664 Play It Slow VerseThe funny thing about inhibitionIt exacberates your conditionThey don't know that your ambitionIs not to write a hit song The genius hides under the coversIgnores the pleas of his loverTurns his back on his brothersEven though he knows that its wrong ChorusWell its hard you knowTo live so fast and learn to play it slowYou've got to be the one who leads the showYou should be the last to say good night VerseForty years have passed since whenHe used his mind and not his penTo change the state of rock againIn six part harmony God gave us this fragile soulWho gave his mind for rock and rollThe only thing he could controlWas music... thankfully ChorusWell its hard you knowTo live so fast and learn to play it slowYou've got to be the one who leads the showYou should be the last to say good night Bridge (not developed yet) ChorusWell its hard you knowTo live so fast and learn to play it slowYou've got to be the one who leads the showYou should be the last to say good night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 26, 2012 Moderators Share Posted June 26, 2012 Bri? I think this sounds very cool. Nice chords in the chorus! Yeah! How about some more backups? Well its hard you knowTo live so fast and learn to play it slow (play it slow)You've got to be the one who leads the show (play it slow)You should be the last to say good night (play it slow)(play it slow) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted June 26, 2012 Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 God ONLY KNOWS this fragile soulWho gave his mind for rock and rollThe only thing he could controlWas music... thankfully Love this song - cool as F$!K!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 So you guys think the verse is working? Not too hokey? Too wordy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted June 26, 2012 Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 Yeh totally working.... its different and interesting. Go with it, it's awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted June 26, 2012 Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 Cool. Not exactly my bag, but it is growing on me. I'm not sure if it is just general pitchyness, but I don't like the note sung on "your" in line 2 (and repeated a few other times). Sounds like it should be a 1/2 step higher. The guitar at the end of each verse is excellent, and the chorus is also great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted June 26, 2012 Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 Bri? That is where my brain went, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 That is where my brain went, too. I saw the Beach Boys with Brian Wilson last week... and I'm reading his autobiography at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted June 26, 2012 Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 Love the groove. Love the subject matter. The lyric is wordy, but in a good way. The only thing with this kind of lyric is that you've really got to nail the cadences. But it's a really good start. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 Love the groove. Love the subject matter. The lyric is wordy, but in a good way. The only thing with this kind of lyric is that you've really got to nail the cadences.But it's a really good start.LCK Agree... I'll work on that. Although, I hear in my head someone else singing the verses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted June 26, 2012 Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 Agree... I'll work on that. Although, I hear in my head someone else singing the verses. There is a joke in there somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 Ouch! I won't tell my boy Bri that you said that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted June 26, 2012 Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 There is a disconnect between the first stanza and the rest of the verses because of the use of your. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 There is a disconnect between the first stanza and the rest of the verses because of the use of your. Simple fix for the verses... change the 'you' to 'his'. But the chorus is still from the 'you' perspective... which is why I thought it might be cool to have someone else sing the verses... so it's conversational - they're talking about Brian, then someone addressing Brian directly in the choruses (like Dr. Eugene Landy). Kind of disjointed... but hey, so is Brian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 26, 2012 Moderators Share Posted June 26, 2012 "The first therapist I ended up with was the late Dr. Eugene Landy, the psychologist who eventually surrendered his license in California due to a controversial relationship with Beach Boy Brian Wilson. He was not a good man. He put me on so many drugs I didn't know if I was coming or going."--Maureen Mccormick, aka Marcia Brady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 From what Brian says, Landy saved his life. He was on a death march straight to hell before Landy stepped in... Maybe Marcia wasn't quite as psychotic as Brian... so she probably didn't need such controversial treatment. Edit: Woh! From Wikipedia: Landy's depiction in glowing terms in the second half of Wilson's autobiography Wouldn't It Be Nice: My Own Story, published that year, would, were it a legitimate autobiography, indicate Wilson's approval of his methods; in an unrelated court case, however, Wilson testified that he had never even read the final draft of the manuscript, much less written any of it. Oh well... still a good read. I'm not even finished yet! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted June 26, 2012 Moderators Share Posted June 26, 2012 Yeah, I'm not real up on the whole Landy thing but it seems like a good idea for you to be aware of some of that controversy surrounding the relationship considereing you are adding to that legacy now with this tune. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted June 26, 2012 Author Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 Holy smokes... doing some research. Crazy stuff. Let's just say it's Carl talking to Brian in the choruses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted June 26, 2012 Members Share Posted June 26, 2012 [video=youtube;OOCVGFfVdHc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOCVGFfVdHc&feature=related LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Members Share Posted July 9, 2012 Tidying up the words... I'm having a friend come over tomorrow to take a stab at singing the verses. Please let me know if you see anywhere for improvement. (Sorry for my silence the past week... I've been on vacation). Play It Slow VerseIt's funny how his inhibitionSeems to worsen his conditionThey don't know that his ambitionIs not to write a hit song Genius hides beneath the coversIgnores the pleas of his loverTurns his back on his brothersEven though he knows that its wrong ChorusWell its hard you knowTo live so fast and learn to play it slowYou've got to be the one who leads the showYou should be the last to say good night VerseMany years have passed since whenHe used his mind and not his penTo change the state of rock againIn six part harmony God only knows this fragile soulWho gave his mind for rock and rollThe only thing he could controlWas music... thankfully ChorusWell its hard you knowTo live so fast and learn to play it slowYou've got to be the one who leads the showYou should be the last to say good night Bridge (not developed yet) ChorusWell its hard you knowTo live so fast and learn to play it slowYou've got to be the one who leads the showYou should be the last to say good night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 9, 2012 Moderators Share Posted July 9, 2012 Sorry for my silence the past week... I've been on vacation Damn you bastard!!!! Uh.... sorry. That looks really good. I particularly like the 2nd stanza with the ignored lover/brothers stuff. Very cool. This is a little confusing though: He used his mind and not his pen Pitting the mind against the pen makes my head hurt a bit. Wouldn't it be He used his mind and his pen? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted July 9, 2012 Members Share Posted July 9, 2012 Damn you bastard!!!! Uh.... sorry.That looks really good. I particularly like the 2nd stanza with the ignored lover/brothers stuff. Very cool. This is a little confusing though:He used his mind and not his pen Pitting the mind against the pen makes my head hurt a bit. Wouldn't it beHe used his mind and his pen? That sits better with me too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 9, 2012 Author Members Share Posted July 9, 2012 So, I was going for the idea that he had all the music and orchestration in his head. Not sure if he actually scored things out on paper... but I thought the idea was cool that he kept it all in his head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 9, 2012 Moderators Share Posted July 9, 2012 So, I was going for the idea that he had all the music and orchestration in his head. Not sure if he actually scored things out on paper... but I thought the idea was cool that he kept it all in his head. Yeah, I'm hearing that. I mentioned it being a little confusing though, but I don't know. I like what you're going for, but it sounds more like pen and mind are two opposites. But then the pen is an extension of the minds imagination and... hmmm... And that's a little sticky to pick up. It just comes off, at least to me, as a little, "what?". As a matter a fact I love the way it sounds and bounces. It just doesn't have a focus in its meaning. It's a little unclear. To me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted July 14, 2012 Author Members Share Posted July 14, 2012 Nevermind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.