Never fall in love oldie never finished Classic Rock vibe

I can't remember what year I was working on this one. Can't find on any Back-up disk anywhere . I will have to start from scratch. First and foremost I really am aware that there needs to be quite a bit of work on the lyrics. However I think a few lines here and there that are usable. I didn't record a second verse, though I will provide some of what I had which is pretty iffy. I really hope I get some suggestions for those lyrics. I don't think the Guitar work is bad. Vocoder parts will probably not be vocoded.

I am not a drummer as you can tell. I used a Roland V-drum brain and a mesh kit.

Mesa Single Rectro( see they can sound like something other than Metal)

I know this tune is pretty dated. And I need to trim most of the Guitar outro, just pick

several bars of the best licks

[soundcloud]http://soundcloud.com/mahuska/never-fall-in-love]/soundcloud]

if this doesn't embed(not showing up in preview post) I would suggest opening the SC url in another tab while reading the lyrics here.

SC

http://soundcloud.com/mahuska/never-fall-in-love

Lyrics

Never fall in love

Verse 1-

Does this cost more than I want to give?

Is it wrong(never fall in love)

When I know it can not last?

Keep playing that song

casual(While?) the moments slip away.

As I roam(never fall in Love)

(maybe this line instead)-

I begin to roam because I never find

the right words to say...

Pre-Chorus-

While I'll just forget it like the some others could

Thats the way to play it safe.

I'll just neglect it the and take the time

to feel(heal?).

Such a lonely life.

Chorus-

When I feel abused, I'll play that little Martyr.

When I'm amused, I'll try a little harder.

When I'm confused, I'll dig a little farther.

When I'm refused, I'll find a way to barter.

Verse 2-(not recorded and shaky lyrics as well

Have I lost all my feelings all my give(Grammer?)

Is it wrong(never fall in Love)

When I know of our checkered past.

But I keep playing our song,

while the moments slip away.

Is there someone else that can steal my heart today?

I'd cut the 2nd verse. Come out of the chorus with a guitar solo, then do another chorus, and more guitar.

Your guitar work is so good, so strong. You really nail things when you're playing.

LCK

I'm not sure I agree. I think what might be happening is the arrangement is confusing things. When the lead guitar dropped off on the third line of the chorus it felt like the second verse began right there. When the real verse began and the guitar dropped off, it sounds strange because the song was giving up too much of the momentum it had gained.

What I'd do is drop the 3rd and 4th lines of the first chorus, and build the second verse around the music arrangement you have at 1:30. It sounds like it is the same chords as the verse, just with an additional strummed guitar (or perhaps just gained up). To my ears, you need to keep that guitar track rolling throughout V2 and retain that momentum. Maybe drop it off once at the end of the verse just prior to the pre-chorus, as a brief twist before the PC kickstarts the song again.

I agree that the guitar work is terrific, I particularly like the low guitar stuff that opens the song and the solo. Great harmonized licks. I'm envious of your skills.

Sometimes I listen to old records, and hear the verse lyric in a song for the 1st time.

I say to myself now as an apprentice songwriter, "I've always liked that song, and heard it many, many times. Why have I never taken aboard the verse lyrics?"

The answer could be straight out of the R&R songwriter's manual : With R&R, then a good title, a hook, a good Chorus, expressive singing, expressive playing, the verse lyric becomes a garnish to the main course.

This song of yours has got a strong title / hook, and a great chorus in lyric and melody, and your guitar playing is worth listening to. i.e. you are expressive in your playing - I feel you talking with your instrument. So I'm with LCK, forget the 2nd verse and give us another serving of the chorus. It's tasty.

You guys are ganging up on me!

You guys are ganging up on me!

No ganging up happening here - we are humbly obedient to your wish - 'Don't listen to Justin'......

You guys are ganging up on me!

Pile on?!?!?

Again as about re long time for my reply. I like your ideas just as much as LCK. You are so right about the drop out guitar work in the verse. I will work on that perhaps with different licks. I have some good phrases for a second verse about 75% done. I think I'll do two versions one w/o 2n'd verse(LCK) and one with a second chorus. Thank you guys

Thanks for your reply and I really appreciate getting your positive feedback. Especially comments on some of the lyrics. I remember you suggesting that I finding someone else to write my lyrics. I think I got off to a bad start posting song/ideas where there was little effort in the lyric department so I guess you had some valid points. HOWEVER that only made me want to try harder and that incentive you gave me I appreciate.

My only thought is sometimes the lead guitar work is too up front. I would pan it away from center some and maybe move it back some. Sometimes you already do it, but sometimes it is too "right up front and center".

Just my 2 cents.

Thanks for the listen and reply. Yeah I agree that in places the Gtrs are in your face a tad too much. When I redo it I'll either use automation or ducking where the vox are. Usually when I double track I pan them pretty far apart. I guess I could listen to it closely next time to see if what you are saying is the problem in this case

As a listener....I like this very much!! -Tom

Catching up on my listening......

As the wordsmiths are already weighing in, I'll comment on structure. It started slowly for me. You might want to consider starting off somehow with that excellent guitar riff that you have going at 1:12. That would definitely catch your listener's attention. Then bringing it back in where you already have it would nail it down as the hook riff.

Then I wanted to hear your vocals....at :17.

The songs feels like it wants to end at 3:37, but you have more excellent things to say on the guitar. Consider starting that fadeout much earlier and letting it be a long one. If we know the song is ending we'll hang in there to hear you play right to the end.

I love the chorus.

Funny, that opening riff at 0:10 was my favorite part of the entire song, I'd rather you open with it than drop it. I agree that the vocals should start by 0:17.

See? This is why nobody ever listens to you.

Seriously, though....I also love that riff at :10. I was suggesting putting that 1:12 riff in front of it as an opener.