Critique my band bio...

[thriftyshirt]

I just wrote a new band bio recently, because the last one was horribly outdated. I've seen some people post theirs and get some decent advice, so I'd like to hear what you guys have to say about this.

 

Here you go:

 

The Freakin Hott

 

 

 

The Freakin Hott began forging their sexually-charged edgy brand of rock and roll in 2002 when guitarist Aaron Gentry met singer Mary-Margaret. They immediately bonded over their love of glam-rock, Bon Jovi, and profanity, and set about recording a number of lo-fi EPs in various bedrooms after midnight. They began playing shows as a duo soon after, quickly garnering a sizeable fan base with their anti-folk songs about drug use, promiscuity, and other good time topics.

 

The band really took off when they added a drummer to provide the dance beats to their already swinging folk rock sound. However, after sifting through the detritus that is the drummer pool of South Florida, they found reprieve in the experienced sticks of Jon Wilkins, current drummer of two years.

 

With Wilkins’ Bonham-like thundering, the band had no choice but to evolve further into the realm of “electric rock and roll”. Gentry began experimenting with alternative and multiple sources of amplification, while Mary-Margaret transformed her cute come hither whispers into a rabid sexual howl. The resulting complex and heavy sound puts many 4 and 5 piece bands to shame.

 

Lyrically, The Freakin Hott deals in rich metaphor and pointed lines that cut right to the bone. Influenced as much by the southern gothic of Faulkner as the glam rock of Sweet and T-Rex, their lyrics sizzle with sexuality, excess, and old time religion.

Drawing comparisons to the Pixies, X, and Joan Jett due to the stripped down instrumentation, call and answer male-female vocals and harmonies, and edgy presence The Freakin Hott have made quite a wave in the South Florida music scene. They were named “best new band” by the Sun-Sentinel in 2003, “readers choice: best rock band” by the New Times in 2004 (an award which they have been nominated for again in 2005), featured in a cover story by City Link in the summer of 2004 (who called them “South Florida’s sexiest musical couple”), and defeated 5 other select local acts in the 2005 “Champions of Rock” battle of the bands hosted by the National Production Group. They have also opened for national acts such as Travis Morrison (of The Dismemberment Plan), Saturday Looks Good To Me, The Legends of Rodeo, and Troubled Hubble.

 

These accolades will no doubt continue to roll in as the band plans to release their first full length, titled “Slip on the Lips”, at the end of May. The Freakin Hott intends to continue blazing a trail of sex-and-sweat drenched rock and roll throughout the region as they plan a summer tour in support of the album.

[BlueStrat]

Not bad, but not great. As a pro, you want to avoid building yourself up by tearing others down. That simply is not cool.

 

Get rid of snobby lines like these:

 

"

However, after sifting through the detritus that is the drummer pool of South Florida, they found reprieve in the experienced sticks of Jon Wilkins, current drummer of two years."

 

"The resulting complex and heavy sound puts many 4 and 5 piece bands to shame."

 

" and defeated 5 other select local acts in the 2005 “Champions of Rock” battle of the bands hosted by the National Production Group. "

 

Furthermore, if you're going to drop names as opening for national acts, they ought to be well known and beyond cult status. This isn't so bad, and I realize I'm a geezer, so I asked my kids and their friends (17-18 years old) if they've ever heard of any of these guys and they all said no. I went to some of their web sites and see that they're just indie bar bands on tour playing mostly bars. If I were a promoter, or a club owner, and I knew you were a band who had opened for another bar band, I'd be inclined to say, "well, big deal. Somebody had to do it." Now, if it was at a sold-out theater or concert hall, that would be another matter.

 

 

In the last paragraph, the band is releasing their first full length...?

 

And finally, no one cares what the band intends to do. Every band intends to do that. Make it sound like you already are.

 

All of this is merely my opinion. Take what you can use and forget about the rest. It's all good in the end.

[chump5150]

Originally posted by thriftyshirt The band really took off when they added a drummer to provide the dance beats to their already swinging folk rock sound. However, after sifting through the detritus that is the drummer pool of South Florida, they found reprieve in the experienced sticks of Jon Wilkins, current drummer of two years. With Wilkins’ Bonham-like thundering, the band had no choice but to evolve further into the realm of “electric rock and roll”. Gentry began experimenting with alternative and multiple sources of amplification, while Mary-Margaret transformed her cute come hither whispers into a rabid sexual howl. The resulting complex and heavy sound puts many 4 and 5 piece bands to shame.

 

I agree with the first response 100%. To get you jump-started on your next draft, here's how I would revise and combine the second and third paragraphs that I've quoted above:

 

_____________

In 2003, The Freakin Hott’s swinging folk-rock sound evolved into a genre-bending electric Rock ‘n’ Roll experience after current drummer Jon Wilkins joined the band. Wilkins brought with him a Bonham-like thunder that shook the ground under singer Mary-Margaret and made her cute come-hither whisper more insistent. When Gentry added multiple amplifier stacks to his arsenal, Mary-Margaret could resist no more, and she transformed her come-hither whisper into a rabid sexual howl. The resulting heavy sound turned The Freakin Hott’s sonic complexity into an undeniable force that rocks with the power of bands twice their size.

____________

 

One thing though... I'm not sure of this, but will your target audience get the John Bonham reference? I love Led Zeppelin, so I get it, and I'm sure plenty of others on this forum do, but it's been so long since their heyday that their songs have been used to sell Cadillacs...

 

One other thing separate from the bio... I would change your sig so it builds up and goes out with a bang instead of a whimper As it reads now, when I see twice, then 3 times, then half, it's kind of a letdown. IMHO, I think it would read better if it started with -- half the guitars, then went to twice the sex, and then to 3 times the amps.

 

My two pennies. HTH.

[HighKing]

While I can see the points of the other posters, I'll also add that nothing horrible will happen by keeping it as is.

 

It's a great bio. It's got balls...yes, you generally should avoid slagging others, but if that's what you're about, then go for it.

 

I agree about the "opening acts" thing, though.

[HighKing]

I should also add---I checked out your music and I really dig it!

[michael.e]

Aaron, I have sent you two emails regarding this faulty gear. Please email me back. I have not received your refund check yet. M.E.