OT: The joke thread.

[baracuda2004]

The virgin girl is on the phone and asks her boyfriend to come

 

over and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

 

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

 

after dinner, she would like to go out and make love

 

for the first time.

 

* * * * * * * * *

 

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

 

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

 

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

 

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

 

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and

 

sex.

 

* * * * * * * * *

 

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

 

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

 

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

 

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

 

* * * * * * * * *

 

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

 

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

 

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

 

* * * * * * * * *

 

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

 

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

 

offers to say grace and bows his head.

 

* * * * * * * * *

 

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

 

with his head down.

 

* * * * * * * * *

 

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

 

* * * * * * * * *

 

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

 

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

 

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

 

* * * * * * * *

 

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your

 

father was a pharmacist."

[bassman1964]

A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two

kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

 

The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart.

Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

 

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't."

 

"The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're

twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

 

"I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just

couldn't believe you got laid twice."

 

"Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart

[zachoff]

Preacher and a Rabbi are walking down the street. Preacher turns to the Rabbi, points at a little boy, and says, "Hey, Rabbi... What do you say we go try to screw that little boy?!" and the Rabbi says, "Outta what?"

[baracuda2004]

Preacher and a Rabbi are walking down the street. Preacher turns to the Rabbi, points at a little boy, and says, "Hey, Rabbi... What do you say we go try to screw that little boy?!" and the Rabbi says, "Outta what?"

 

I LOL'd

[dragon9666]

A blind man walks into an all girl's biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter "hey anybody want to hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediatly falls absolutely silent.

 

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "You know what, mister, since you're blind, I'm gonna tell you five things I think you ought to know before you tell that joke...

1. The bartender is a blonde woman and is standing there with a baseball bat in her hands

2. The bouncer is a six-four two hundred pound blonde woman and she's standing right behind you

3. I'm a six foot hundred eighty pound blonde and have a black beltin karate

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter

5. The lady to your right is a blonde and a professional wrestler

 

Now think abou ti mister - do you still think you should tell that blonde joke!?"

 

The blind man thinks it over for a few seconds, shakes his head, and mutters "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times"

[Anesthesia]

Preacher and a Rabbi are walking down the street. Preacher turns to the Rabbi, points at a little boy, and says, "Hey, Rabbi... What do you say we go try to screw that little boy?!" and the Rabbi says, "Outta what?"

 

Probably the same Jewish guy that drove his van to a primary school and asked the kids if they wanted to buy some candy

[DaveAronow]

:freak:Not a joke, but a bit of advice........... I...............uhm..................might have learned the hard way: If Jack helps you off the horse, never but never, offer to help jack off the horse!

[xdamagexx]

:freak:Not a joke, but a bit of advice........... I...............uhm!

 

 

DUDE thats sick......

[Taustin Powers]

Q: Why do women fake orgasms?

 

 

 

 

 

 

A: Because they think we give a {censored}!

[ranjaman]

A guy walks into a dentist's office.

He says to the dentist: "I've got a big problem, I think I'm a moth."

Dentist:"You think you're a moth ?"

Guy:"Yes, I think I'm a moth."

Dentist:"Then what the hell are you doing at a dentist's ?"

Guy:"The light was on."

[SA Rios]

Q. Where do Mexican Quarterbacks come from?

 

 

 

A. El Paso.

[SA Rios]

Q. Where do Indians go when they run out of apples?

 

 

 

A. Indianapolis.

[Bonoman]

Q: Why did Bono fall off of the stage?

 

A: He was dancing too close to The Edge.

 

[PaulyWally]

Kenny G walks into an elevator and says, "This place is REALLY happening!"

[chris-dax]

A man lying on his deathbed called to him, his lawyer, his doctor, and his pastor. "I am going to die tonight," and I want to prove that when you go to heaven you can take it all with you.

 

So to my three most trusted friends, you three of course, I am leaving 50,000 dollars in these envelopes. When I die you must come to my funeral and put the envelopes in my coffin with me." The man handed the three men identical envelopes.

 

A day later they each received news that, that night the old man had died . So each knew they must go to his funeral and fulfill his death wish.

 

Standing over the coffin one week later the pastor confessed, " I can't hide what I've done. I took 10,000 dollars from the envelope because the church needed to be painted."

 

Then as he did so the doctor also started to fidget then finally confessed

[Zon5string]

Q: What has three legs and one asshole?

 

A: Drum throne.

[Bonoman]

Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?

 

A: Drool.

[mrcrow]

a persons dog is really sick

the vet says..its the end of the line i am afraid

how much to do the business

 

[baracuda2004]

 

 

nuff said^