Shed Some Light (Original)

[Leon1242]

Hey hey everyone! I was hoping to get some feedback on this song I wrote about the current situation of our world. I'm not the greatest singer nor do I really know what i'm doing when it comes to vocals so if anybody has any advice or criticism let me hear it! Stay healthy everybody. Hope this is enjoyable

[kickingtone]

Hi Leon, I had a listen.

I'd definitely put it in the "has something special" category. You've chosen your chords for the song really well. You've used repetition and simplicity to great effect, and that is not easy at all.

But I would say it needs arranging and polishing. That's just my preference.

I am hearing a good and interesting balance between optimism and a sombre undertone in the chords, which is perfect for the lyrics. The rhythm is doing the same thing, too -- the repetition acting as positive forward march, but also as a relentless background warning. Very good. You can really play with that. The subtlest change can shift the emphasis between the two (Paul Simon was great a producing that sort of effect). It's one of those situations that has a great dynamic that seems to come almost from nowhere -- on one level the thing is repeating, but on another it is switching.

I think that the base needs a touch more depth and "throb" to it, but it has to be subtle -- just to bring out that sombre/heartbeat effect a bit more. Dunno how to describe it or how you can produce it, but I don't think a guitar is going to carry that bit. So some other instrument/production technique needs to be in the mix?

Vocals are ok. It's gonna take practice! 

One thing -- I think you have tried to take on too much of the role of the rhythmic emphasis. I think that that is better left to the instrument(s), in this song. Your vocals would even be better off acting as a counter, imo, easing off the emphasis and bring out the freer side of the mix. That differentiation would make both the rhythm and the vocals stand out more. Perhaps you were instinctively adding in that final umph to the rhythm, which I think is best achieved with a subtle base enhancement.

Your vocal tone fits the song. Diction and clarity need some work, I think, without destroying the nature and spontaneity of your voice.

Good stuff!

[Leon1242]

40 minutes ago, kickingtone said:

Hi Leon, I had a listen.

I'd definitely put it in the "has something special" category. You've chosen your chords for the song really well. You've used repetition and simplicity to great effect, and that is not easy at all.

But I would say it needs arranging and polishing. That's just my preference.

I am hearing a good and interesting balance between optimism and a sombre undertone in the chords, which is perfect for the lyrics. The rhythm is doing the same thing, too -- the repetition acting as positive forward march, but also as a relentless background warning. Very good. You can really play with that. The subtlest change can shift the emphasis between the two (Paul Simon was great a producing that sort of effect). It's one of those situations that has a great dynamic that seems to come almost from nowhere -- on one level the thing is repeating, but on another it is switching.

I think that the base needs a touch more depth and "throb" to it, but it has to be subtle -- just to bring out that sombre/heartbeat effect a bit more. Dunno how to describe it or how you can produce it, but I don't think a guitar is going to carry that bit. So some other instrument/production technique needs to be in the mix?

Vocals are ok. It's gonna take practice! 

One thing -- I think you have tried to take on too much of the role of the rhythmic emphasis. I think that that is better left to the instrument(s), in this song. Your vocals would even be better off acting as a counter, imo, easing off the emphasis and bring out the freer side of the mix. That differentiation would make both the rhythm and the vocals stand out more. Perhaps you were instinctively adding in that final umph to the rhythm, which I think is best achieved with a subtle base enhancement.

Your vocal tone fits the song. Diction and clarity need some work, I think, without destroying the nature and spontaneity of your voice.

Good stuff!

Thanks kickintone! I am thinking what you mean by "heartbeat" effect is maybe some percussive instruments? Like a slapbox or something to that extent? I do plan on adding some lead guitar parts to the instrumental pieces between the verses so hopefully that will balance the song out some more. I'll keep your advice in mind man. Much appreciated!

[kickingtone]

1 hour ago, Leon1242 said:

Thanks kickintone! I am thinking what you mean by "heartbeat" effect is maybe some percussive instruments?

Yes! That would work, I think!

1 hour ago, Leon1242 said:

Like a slapbox or something to that extent?

It's so difficult to say. A good example is 0:23 to 0:30 where your words are very percussive. I can see why you have done that. It does fit AND produce emphasis!

On the other hand 1:26 (for example) I think that it is your tone with the slight distortion effect that is doing the legwork on the emphasis at that point. A vocal technique is to use cry, call or distortion for emphasis.

Now what I am thinking is more of that 1:26 stuff at vocal emphasis points, and moving the percussive emphasis (in the 0:23 vocal) to a percussion instrument. For me, what would work well is an actual gentle, low throbbing heartbeat sound -- with the same basic rhythm as the guitar, but able to bring out a touch of syncopation and that characteristic heartbeat bounce -- all in the background. (I dunno, maybe you'd need a synth), but not too forward or obvious -- just at the level that you'd have to kinda look for it to really pick it out. Yeah, a carefully recorded slapbox could do the trick, actually, with maybe a little distortion added to it to get that throb sound.

I dunno how you could manage it though, without taking away from what you already have. I think that the production doesn't need much added. It is so nearly all there, and your voice does fit very well. You definitely don't want to crowd the production, having got that amount of synergy out of a minimalist arrangement.

[davie]

Great to hear you singing again, Jordan.

I always like hearing new and original music. Your vocals kinda remind me of the singer from the band Silverchair.

Who are some of your influences?

What kinda mic are you recording into?

Any plans to develop this song any further?

[Leon1242]

Thanks davie!

I just looked up Silverchair and it's definitely my style of rock. I think I do hear the resemblance actually. My biggest influences are Tim Mcllrath of Rise Against for his lyric writing, John Rzeznik of the Goo Goo Dolls because of the many wonky tunings he puts his guitars in. Sonething that I adopted from him because it's really the only way I can my voice to sound decently. Last but not least David Gilmour of Pink Floyd for his guitar capabilities and sound. The guy is the real reason why I even picked up guitar. For mics to record the guitar i'm using a sennheiser md421 and a couple of pedals for tone purposes and for vocals i'm using a Shure Super 55. I do plan on adding some guitar solos on the istrumental parts of the song as well as some sort of percussion eventually, sometime in the near future.

[davie]

On 4/23/2020 at 12:36 PM, Leon1242 said:

For mics to record the guitar i'm using a sennheiser md421 and a couple of pedals for tone purposes and for vocals i'm using a Shure Super 55.

Very nice. Those are some nice classic mics. Is there a way to get your vocal mic closer? I feel like it might help with the recording overall.

On 4/23/2020 at 12:36 PM, Leon1242 said:

I do plan on adding some guitar solos on the istrumental parts of the song as well as some sort of percussion eventually, sometime in the near future.

Awesome. Looking forward to it!