Members Oswlek Posted October 1, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 1, 2014 http://www.reverbnation.com/justinos...d-camera-demo5 Alright, I've spent some time with this one and think I'm getting close to the structure I want. I added some vamping at the end of the chorus (in my head I hear it as a round between two sets of backing vocals) and ended on "die for me", leaving the last "to be good" unsaid. Hopefully the grand finale concept is clear enough. The F-bomb was sung a tad too exuberantly. That will be brought in line with the rest when tracked. Anyone want to listen to this and let me know if anything feels off? Should I just fade after the lift off or is the bit of closure at the end a good thing? FWIW, what is going to happen there is everything is going to drop off except a single voice and the acoustic. http://www.reverbnation.com/justinos...d-camera-demo5 V1 Early Sunday morning Parishioners still pouring in For weekly mass It used to hold such meaning I'm running out of reasons To keep up the act Tell me how these burdens Threats of endless burning Make a better man C I don't need God to be good I don't need this holy book I can't believe It takes a man to bleed And die for me To be good V2 Now I'm free to make mistakes I make 'em every day It's just who I am I don't have to be forgiven Or worry if I'm livin' By some fvcking plan C I don't need God to be good I don't need this holy book I can't believe It takes a man to bleed And die for me... B Yeah, I'm afraid to die But I don't have to lie to myself Or hide from a hell That He built C I don't need God to be good I don't need this holy book... I can't believe It takes a man to bleed And die for me... -------------------------- EDIT: Forgot to add that I stumbled on a great band yesterday, and I'm going to be mining liberally from one of their songs for the arrangement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted October 1, 2014 Members Share Posted October 1, 2014 This is exceptional. I have some super minor stuff... mostly chords, can send tonight. Great work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted October 2, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 2, 2014 Thanks Martin! (Hopefully you are talking about my crappy demo and not the great YT tune ) I'm unsure what you mean about the chords you can send. Are you thinking about collabing on this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted October 3, 2014 Members Share Posted October 3, 2014 Thanks Martin! (Hopefully you are talking about my crappy demo and not the great YT tune ) I'm unsure what you mean about the chords you can send. Are you thinking about collabing on this? Oh, very much your crappy demo! Just small stuff, all subjective: * Consider changing up the chords in your 3rd stanza and make it a proper pre-chorus, you already sense it's getting old by mixing up the melody. (You just skip it in v2, which makes for a nice little misdirection.) * I'd go straight to the dominant (F) on 'better MAN' and holding it vs. going to Bb first. * I would sing the last line of the chorus straight through 'and die for me to be good' the first 2 choruses...save the dramatic pause for the last one. (So I wouldn't skip the last 'to be good' on ch2.) Again, all subjective. Great stuff - would love to play piano or whatever on the final, let me know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted October 3, 2014 Author Members Share Posted October 3, 2014 Hey Martin, I LOVE going right to F as a chorus lead in. That's great! I like it so much that I'm finding it impossible to write a different chord progression for the 3rd stanza of V1. The only fresh piece that makes sense is F, but I want to save it for maximum impact. I think I can get away with just introducing an electric guitar there. You'd probably be surprised to know that I played the end of the first chorus about 100 times looking for the best path. I have tried running straight through, and also shortening the pause, but this way consistently feels best to me. Particularly when you consider that the second chorus leaves the tag off and the last chorus does as well (which I'm keeping. If I add the tag it only works if I run through the verse progression again, all of which costs me ~30 seconds). But man, I LOVE that held F. Dynamite! Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mbfrancis Posted October 3, 2014 Members Share Posted October 3, 2014 Cool, whatever works best for you, it's great as is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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