New song...

[WattsUrizen]

Ok, I've finally caved in and did some recording. It's fairly poor quality, since I just recorded using the mic for my computer. As to the song, well, it's just acoustic guitar and vocals; at times the guitarwork gets a tad sloppy, and the vocals a little off key, but I couldn't really be bothered doing another take.

 

So here you go:

 

Betrayal Of Purity

 

Winter, won't you let me in,

To Dragonss Bane, to Demon's Wrath and Fire's Cage.

Where Shadows dance to quench the fiery Heavens.

A soothing cold and ice to numb the pain

 

Winter, won't you let me in,

A frozen Purity to nurse my Soul.

To stand tall upon your crystal spires,

And see all the world of ages taint.

 

But Summer has seduced me

With burning blood and sensual Delight.

 

I still taste sweet wine on my lips

I still feel warm breath on my neck

I still need to drown in this golden Doom

Winter's just a painting on some wall

 

Winter, won't you let me in,

Forgive my Lust and lies, and hollow Heart.

Let me bathe in diamond lakes once more,

And hope your love is still waiting for me.

 

 

http://www.mp3.com/anomandaris

[Greenshoe]

On Betrayal of Purity, I'm not sure what happened when you're recording, but I'm getting these 'boom' sounds in the background. I'm not sure if that is from the guitar track or the vocal track - something seems to either be bumping around in the background while you're recording, you're mouth is too close to the mic, or your breath control needs work when you're singing (hence the 'booms' when you breathe). In any case, the boom sound is very distracting. Even if these things are not the case, either re-record it or try a limiter on the existing track to get rid of that low frequency boom.

 

I liked the tracking on the guitars - nice clean sound.

 

On the vocals, you sound like you don't have a lot of confidence in your voice - I sense some hesitation and nervousness in your voice. I won't worry too much about being on-key (you were pretty much there), but work on the breath control to even out your tone. A good way to do this is to practice humming the melody until the tone is even and smooth. The vocals should really project more (more pressure from your diaphram to bring the tone out) - again, a breath control issue or is it vocal range - maybe the register is too low for you? I don't know. Transpose the key 4 or 5 steps, or singing an octave higher. EQing the vocals will help as well.

 

I can't really comment specifically on the lyrics - the language is overly figurative for me (I like plain language). For me, I like to use figures of speech more subtly, and the lyrics I like / I write tend to be more conversational. I guess its a matter of taste. Keep at it!

[Brian Marshall]

let me start by saying the guitar work is great. although there is a break towards the end that seems a little unnatural. I gotta say that the vocals really bothered me though. not that they were sung poorly, but the register seemed a little too low, and there seemed to be a lot of vibrato in your voice, which usually work when you are singing really soft and breathy. Works better when you're at full volume. When you did get to full volume in the bridge it sounded pretty good, and anything that didnt sound good was probably just a matter of production, and the fact that the song is brand new.

 

Brian

[WattsUrizen]

I'm not particularly concerned with it, since it was mostly a bit of fun, and I thought I'd share it with you all... I'm also not really a vocalist, more the sort of guy who just sings along to 'that song on the radio'.

 

But thanks for the advice, especially on the vocals. Hopefully they will turn out better next time. (I'm about to make another recording, this time I've put some of Blake's early poetry to music).

 

I thought the guitar came out fairly well, I just put on some reverb to give it that ambient effect.

[flat_earth]

This really reminded me of Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds. Especially The Boatman's Call . It's tough to pull off the ambient vibe, but you do a fair job of it on this song. The vocals were a little thick on the reverb. The song is pretty haunting as it is, so you could ease up on the effects without losing the dreamy feeling. I kind of liked those random "booms" in the background. It sounded like something was collapsing over your shoulder from time to time, adding to the tension. Overall, I really liked it. Good job!

[WattsUrizen]

Just on the lyrics... I suppose you could call it a 'love' song.

 

It's (supposed to) symbolise a man who doesn't know what he has in his relationship, and when someone else who seems very attractive comes along, he can't resist. However, he soon realises the error of his ways, and returns to his original love, who is - while somewhat austere - purely beautiful.

 

In a way, it is not only a criticism of people who are indulgent, and place their love in superficial and material things; but an affirmation of the profound emotional and psychological bonds that can form between people.