Members digitalsnipe Posted December 16, 2005 Members Share Posted December 16, 2005 Protest? Lament? I write plenty love songs but this one somehow came out of me over a couple of days. Very weird for me... Looking for answersLooking for trustThe mourning dove's callingThrough concrete and dust A madman is wagingA terrible fightHis sheep are all gatheredBut stay out of sight He calls to his childrenThroughout every landTo die for his causeThough he hides in the sand And people of hopeMust take up their steelTo bring back the peaceIn a world turned surreal So, once more in turnsFree nation's sonsMust carry to battleTheir father's guns Chorus- But war is a bistroOf beer bought in roundsOr lattes on iceWith talking-head sounds The word at their tablesNight after nightPeace would disruptTheir lucrative fight And the rose on the tableAnd dove in the treeEach tell a storyOne captive, one free 2nd verse- When one man's religionWorships the knifeThe devils' his masterNo true god takes life For all of the poisonDeep in his soulHe must feed on deathTo keep his heart cold His words are deceptionAnd, murder his toolLike warlords before himHis goal is to rule Reason elludes himHis mind is a swampHis lessons in doctrineThe words in Mein Kampf Chorus - End. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alatrace Posted December 17, 2005 Members Share Posted December 17, 2005 hmm.. not much of a George Bush fan are ya? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted December 17, 2005 Members Share Posted December 17, 2005 I can't really tell you why you wrote those lines -- but it sometimes feels a little bit as though a couple of them are there mostly just to rhyme. Of course, anyone writing rhyming verse can fall prey to "settling" for a rhyme. One comment I do have is that having a rhyme every 8 syllables (every 4 feet, in poetry talk) really accentuates the rhymes -- to the potential detriment of the meaning and momentum of the song, I think. Anyhow, sometimes a song just spills out of you and it's hard to know why you made the choices you made. But I don't think there's anything wrong with thinking about them afterward and fooling around to see if some changes might make a given song tighter and more focused -- and therefore, more powerful. And, of course, sometimes you just feel like leaving them the way they came out. It's all about what you're trying to do, I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members digitalsnipe Posted December 17, 2005 Author Members Share Posted December 17, 2005 Actually, I'm politically indifferent at this point. And, you can pick any world leader with designs beyond his own national borders and plug him into this song. The intended target of this song is Bin Laden. However, I see now that it lends itself to the perceptions of the reader. I agree about the rhyming (ad nauseum). It does present an odd defeat of the freedom of poetic license - to rhyme or not to rhyme - when the phrases are so short. I guess it's pretty obvious to those in-the-know. Thanks for the critique. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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