Criticism on a song please

[Cerpin T]

Before listening I would like to remind everybody that we're only 16-18 years old so cut us some slack but with also giving honest criticism. Also this is an older version and since then we've picked up a vocalist (vocals on the song are bad, I was volunteered to sing them. hmph.) And we have picked up a keyboardist. Quality is not the best either because it was my first experience with recording/mixing Pro Tools.

 

The song had to be split up into two parts because it exceed the 10mb limit. There are mistakes here and there, but im just seeing what people think of the ideas. Thanks in advance.

 

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=527161

[Jakamundo]

Very nice at such a young age. Good mixing and mastering, too. Unique sound.

 

One thing that strikes me is that the song may be a little too disjointed. Some more liquid transitions would help. But I know the disjointed sound works for a lot of progressive rock. Just not my taste.

 

The vocals could use a little help too - I'd suggest lessons. It sounds like you're using your chest voice most of the time, causing higher notes to sound forced.

 

Overall nice job.

[Cerpin T]

Thank you very much. Yeah I'm defineitely not a singer, but I was closer than anybody else at the time, but since we have a real vocalist now its much better and I can focus more on whats going on behind the drums. My mixing/mastering can use some work I think yet, but for a first experience with my new setup it was alright.

[orourke]

When you finally stopped noodling with all those goofy parts I liked the song. Like Jakamundo, I'm not much of a prog fan, but I used to be into some of the early prog bands back the seventies like Yes and Genesis. And I think if you want to do lots of different parts in a song, you have to make sure that each one is really catchy and listenable on it's own. It's kind of like writing ten songs in one. Otherwise the listener is going to loose interest before it gets good.

 

That said, I'm impressed with you musicianship and ambitious vision. The drums where recorded beautifully for a first attempt. Keep it up.

[Cerpin T]

Thank you, I didn't really expect any positive feedback. And funny people should comment my mixing because it was a first attempt. And even more funny that you comment my drums because it was only done with four mics on one stereo track, but after many hours of equalization I got them sounding alright. Perhaps I'm just overly modest about all of my work, but Thank you very much for the feedback guys.

[Jakamundo]

Lol... don't get a big head now...

[Cerpin T]

I'm not. I'm just always afraid that people will think it completely sucks.

 

Also, If you would again consider my age, most people I know don't know much about music so when I do get credible input, its a little more rewarding than "Yeah dude, sounds good."

[Chicken Monkey]

Yeah, I'd cut the intro stuff. That's a good way to start your fourth album, but in the meantime, who has the time to listen to spacey intros?

[Cerpin T]

I'm a big fan of Omar Rodriguez. It's part of the music, and its part the sound. It may bore some people because all people want are the orgasms of music, instead of respecting every second of the song.

 

Kind of like when someone buys a cd for the one song that's being played on the radio and instead of listening to the whole cd, they skip to the track they bought the cd for. I dunno, thats how I see it.

[Chicken Monkey]

You have to EARN the right to put a bloated intro on the beginning of a song. You're right--people want the orgasms of the song, and don't respect every second. You're giving yourself and your theoretical audience too much credit if you think people are going to listen through the noddy, noodly stuff to get to "the song".

 

There are 5 gazillion (approx.) bands on soundclick, and probably twice that on myspace. I have an above-average attention space, musically speaking, but I am not going to give Jeremiah Jerkoff three and a half minutes of my time if he's going to get precious on me. There are a gazillion (minus one) other bands out there that want to earn my respect, not demand it.

 

I can only give this sermon this boldly because I've given it to myself weekly for the past five years.

[Jakamundo]

Yeah, of course the route you should take depends on what you want to do with your music. As mentioned, this industry is viciously competitive. Couple that with the age of instant gratification, and people aren't going to give you a chance if you don't wow them right off the bat. If you want any kind of a chance to do this for a living (which is a damn small one no matter how you approach it), you gotta tailor your stuff for acceptance at least a little bit.

 

If, however, you're making music for your own pleasure, you should in no way sacrifice your truest artistic vision. (Duh.)

[Cerpin T]

I'm sorry for wasting 3 (1:07) min of your time while I was noodling around. If it bothers people that much, they'll skip through it and it'll be their loss that they aren't recieving the entire vibe. You need to foreplay the orgasm and thats how we did it, with 1 min of a build up of 'noodling' and then bust into the the most explosive phase of the song. If you build up to an explosion it will make the explosion more dramatic rather than if we just started with that part. We aren't exactly playing pop music either, which in pop you may listen to a good song that has a good catchy groove that will keep you occupied for 2 and a half or 3 minutes, but in the music we're trying to do we're looking to really make an impact. Maybe it wont be the same crowd as what the pop music would impact, but the more musically open-minded crowd.

 

But don't get me wrong, when I first was introduced with the Mars Volta, I skipped through their noodling, but now I respect every second of it and don't dare press the skip button. And if that's what people have to do with our stuff, then thats how its going to happen, and if they don't make it that far, then its their loss.

 

I hope I didn't ruin the good, honest vibe we had going prior to my post, but thats just how I feel.

[Jakamundo]

Right on dude. You should keep doing exactly what you're doing, then. As long as you're thinking about it in the right way and realize that you cut out potential audience by doing it true to your own vision, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

[Chicken Monkey]

 

I hope I didn't ruin the good, honest vibe we had going prior to my post, but thats just how I feel.

 

 

It sounds to me like you were being pretty honest.

 

I didn't intend to make a personal attack, like I said, I have to give myself the same sermon on a regular basis.

 

Here's the question--why did you keep listening to the Mars Volta if you had to skip through their CD?

 

But yeah, if you don't care if people listen to the music or not, you can slap on whatever kind of intro you want. You can put a badger in a blender if you want.

[Cerpin T]

 

Originally posted by Chicken Monkey Here's the question--why did you keep listening to the Mars Volta if you had to skip through their CD?

 

Have you ever listened to them? Even if you're not into the wierd abience, 'noodling' if you will, they are still amazing with their skill and diversity among their music. Influences from everywhere to latin, jazz, salsa, on top of odd meters and unique guitar playing of Omar: pretty much everything you would ever want to hear all in one band. They have never ceased to amaze me even from my first listen.

 

But among all of the godly music, theres a lot of trail off ambient jams that can annoy the everyday listener, such as the intro the song Frances the Mute, theres a 4 min intro of nothing but the sound of a clanging metal type deal.

[Cerpin T]

 

Originally posted by Chicken Monkey But yeah, if you don't care if people listen to the music or not, you can slap on whatever kind of intro you want. You can put a badger in a blender if you want.

 

 

Yeah, I don't know. Think of it as a buffet. Its all you can eat, but nobody ever eats the whole buffet even though they could if you wanted to. So as long as the people are getting something out of it, thats good enough for me. And it won't bother me either if someone didn't like any of it, because theres music out there that I don't like; I can't expect everyone to like it.

 

But most importantly, its about us, not what people like.

[bluesway]

HUH? the mars volta is great until they start trying to touch latin feels. let's be honest. it sounds like white guys playing latin. (funny thing is two or three of them are from PR, right?) they blow at that. jazz, too - really. they can't do that either. i still like them, but that was a pretty overly-stated compliment. if you really think that's true, i suggest buying some fania records and some of miles' electric band stuff. (try live evil-you sound like you'd be a fan) no insult, i'm just trying to keep you here on earth, that's all. i remember the idolatry i was prone to in my teenage years.

 

 

i kind of see the correlation between your music and that of the mars volta, but not as much as i think you would like it to be.

 

i did kind of like your tune, though. there definitely was some superflousness to the intro, i felt. i'm with chicken monkey on that one.

 

i dug the melody and the change, too.

 

okay, i'm done

[Cerpin T]

They aren't trying to play latin or jazz, they're applying ideas from latin and jazz into their music. The drummer used to play for a salsa band and he uses salsa ideas with his drumming which is why his drumming is so unique. And if you want to hear what Omar (from PR) is really capable of, pick up his A Manual Dexterity cd and you'll see that he doesn't 'suck' either.

 

 

Originally posted by bluesway i kind of see the correlation between your music and that of the mars volta, but not as much as i think you would like it to be.

 

 

GOOD! We're not trying to be the Mars Volta, we're trying to do our own thing, but much like they do with latin and jazz, we're taking ideas from their music and applying it to ours. As well as many many other bands and genres.

 

Other than that, I'm glad you liked the song for the most part, even if when you listen to it you skim through the first minute.

[bluesway]

i know manual dexterity. i also know at the drive in and de facto - very tasteful player (ahem). i don't think i can be too objective here with you, so i'm off. luck