Members guitardude24 Posted May 11, 2006 Members Share Posted May 11, 2006 I'll get right to the point. I wrote this song a matter of months ago, had an acoustic version of it with just vocals and acoustic guitar...but now i've added drums and bass and re-done all the guitar parts because they were pretty bad first time around. Please listen to it, it's called "Never Ever" and can be heard at my soundclick! www.soundclick.com/erikhanson Let me also try to link directly to that song... http://www.soundclick.com/util/getplayer.m3u?id=3707113&q=hi Thank you in advance! I'm looking for any comments on anything, whether it's the lyrics, song writting, or even production...keep in mind I recorded this all in my bedroom using $100 software, one $70 mic and Fruity Loops for the drums/bass! Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bluesway Posted May 11, 2006 Members Share Posted May 11, 2006 man, this place is starting to piss me off; no one's offering many critiques lately. okay, i listened to never ever: a sweet little song. a bit predictable in the verses and the changes, but that's a moot point, i guess, considering where the songwriting business is right now. i would take a look at some of the lyrics, though, but that's me. okay, now for performance: for me, the vox are kind of out, man. i know people call that stylistic sometimes, but i'm not feeling it for this song. the groove is kind of nice, really and the melody feels well-crafted, despite a "what could be stronger" vocal performance. i also dig (despite tuning issues again) the pedaled higher second voice approach. crafting:i found the song lacking a bit in the distinctions between sections, except for that bridge after the guit solo. that was a good section, but after, it just ended; the song didn't really have an ending. it's just a fadeout. honestly, fadeouts are so beat, man. try and get out of the fadeout habit. it basically just tells a listener that you didn't write an out or have any finality - at least in this demo stage of the game. this song needs some real work from the crafting and performance perspective, but it's definitely worth it; there's something here, it's just hidden within some other issues for the moment. work it, bro. this will turn out to be a nice project. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted May 11, 2006 Members Share Posted May 11, 2006 The recording is pretty good. You're really taking a risk here, with the balls-out emotion--one false move and you'll end up sounding like Richard Marx. I'm w/ Bluesway on the back-up vocals--very cool, even if they're a little out of tune. They make the chorus fun to listen to. The lyrics are trouble. I know that everybody says that lyrics should sound like something you could say, rather than using elaborate and cumbersome language. You have taken that point a little too far. The lyrics are bland, bland, bland. It sounds like a voice-over monologue from Boy Meets World. I'd focus on the "Show, Don't Tell" rule for songwriting. Don't just tell me she lives in a different town, SHOW me. How long does it take to get there? How is that town different from yours? What do you mean she's beautiful? There's no beautiful girls in your own damn town? Show me? If you can convince the listener that the girl is worth singing about, then maybe you can convince us that the song is worth listening to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mechanix72 Posted May 11, 2006 Members Share Posted May 11, 2006 Josh needs to work on his voice. I like the guitar, it's nice and moody. The songwriting is ok, nothing spectacular, but with some adjustments it could be good. The lyrics are predictable. For some reason the intro kinda reminds me of the song "Not Enough" by Our Lady Peace. I like it. Keep working on it and it could turn into a good single. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members guitardude24 Posted May 12, 2006 Author Members Share Posted May 12, 2006 Thanks guys! I agree with all the stuff you all said. I wrote the lyrics something like 5-6 months ago, and they could definately use some sprucing up. Also, about teh vocals. They were done on 2 takes, and he had just learned to song that day, so under those circumtstances, I'd say they aren't bad...but I know they can be much better if some time is put into them, which I will do when there is time! Also, I actually took the vocals from my first recording of this song, from a few months ago and pasted them into this version...but the tempo was slower on this one, so I had to use Audacity to slow the tempo of both the lyrics and the solo acoustic tracks...i'm not sure if that had an effect on the quality or not. I agree that this is still in need of work, as is every project really... The ending will NOT fade out...i ahted to do that, but I didn't have the drums finished so I copied/pasted and faded instead of having the ending I wanted...it will be fixed! I've been working on my lyric writing, and need a lot more work, so I think that if I'm feeling up for it, i'll mess around and try to show more, as was suggested...but could you give specific examples...I tend to over-use metaphores when trying to 'show, not tell" and it ends up sounding like I'm trying to hard and it doesn't always work. Thanks again for the comments, it's really very valuable to get other peoples opinions, so thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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