Members cmjoyce22 Posted September 20, 2006 Members Share Posted September 20, 2006 new song here looking for constructive feedback leave a link to your song/thread and i'll critique yours if you'd like here it is:these days thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members goosonique Posted September 20, 2006 Members Share Posted September 20, 2006 cool .....just stop doin the vibrato ah ah aa aa thingy. More feel ...yes !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tamoore Posted September 20, 2006 Members Share Posted September 20, 2006 Good playing, and I liked the Chorus.... Simple, and memorable... Not my favorite style of music, but you do it well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members emdub123 Posted September 20, 2006 Members Share Posted September 20, 2006 I like the music, but the vocals were a bit lackluster. Maybe restrained would be a better word. You're not singing with enough feel. I have the same problem, it's hard when you're doing multiple takes and singing a song for an hour or more to maintain a high level of enthusiasm... I don't know what your other songs sound like, but I would probably recommend against pursuing the "white guy funk"/jam band sound if you're trying to get to the next level. Seems like it's a pretty crowded field right now... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Geno_xl Posted September 20, 2006 Members Share Posted September 20, 2006 I like the chorus it's simple and catchy. The lead guitar work underneath the chorus gave it some nice (and much needed) flair. I was a little let down at first by the 1st half of the guitar solo because I had been impressed up to that point by your chops. However, the second half of it was much better and made up for it. I think there might be a slight timing issue in the opening verse between the drums and guitar but it's hard to tell at this volume. I also wasn't a huge fan of the lead vocal, you may want to try a slight doubling effect for this. That said, I'm not an actual singer myself so don't take that to heart. Overal, I liked it It's not the typical style I listen to but I can appreciate it. I think with just a little minor tightening up this could be a great song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rcb Posted September 20, 2006 Members Share Posted September 20, 2006 Cool tune, man...tasty playing. I thought the vocals could be a little stronger overall, but I really like the doubling in the chorus. I dug the harmonized breakdown, too, although I would have had the bass come back in with the beginning of the solo instead of a few measures beforehand. What happened to the organ? That was adding some good flavor in the back, and the last time it's heard is when it accents the beginning of the solo. It would be nice to hear it come back in the last chorus and outro section. Good work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JSimms Posted September 20, 2006 Members Share Posted September 20, 2006 Nice job. Just a few criticisms: The bass and kick don't seem to be doing it for me--Particularly the kick. It sounds kind of like you were using a room mic for the kick sound and thus is not really all that focused. Some e-qing may fix this. It may just need a little boost in the mix. Actually I am not fond of the drum sound in general. The cymbals don't seem to have any brightness--which is ok if they have warmth, which unfortunately they do not. This is not that big a deal though. Drums are the hardest damn thing to record well. The vocal is also a little in the mud i.e. lost in the mix. I love the verse melody btw--Very Jethro Tull-like. Did you double the drum part at times, or have you got some slap-back on them? Is it my imagination? Whatever it is, I kind of like it. Anyway, these are real nit picky things. Overall you have done a really nice job, and this is a really good song. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bluesway Posted September 20, 2006 Members Share Posted September 20, 2006 a good production would speak volumes for this, but i'm not going to get into that. i dig this tune. (if you hear some of mine, i'm sure you'll see why) the guitar playing was some tasty {censored}, man. nice, bluesy fills. it's probably a good time playing this one live. as far as songcraft, it was pretty typical funky/bluesy and that's a cool thing. i liked the chorus more and more each time i heard it, too. at first, it was luke-warm to me at best, but over the span of the first listen, i dug. good times. makes me wanna eat crawfish, drink some bud and dance my silly white ass off. again, good times EDIT - yeah..i'm doing it again....responding without reading other posts. the only knock i would have, too is the vocals. good voice, good pitch, boring presentation. as someone said to me when i posted my first tune ever in here: it sounds like you're reading from a menu. now, i don' t know if i would go that far for you, but you're definitely reading from something! lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cmjoyce22 Posted September 21, 2006 Author Members Share Posted September 21, 2006 thanks everybody first off, it don't actually do much white guy funk stuff, if you click that "BACK TO MUSIC PAGE" button you can hear some of my other stuff second, the vocals... i get that critism a lot, i'm trying to work on it. i think one of the problems is that i record in my apartment, and i'm too shy to belt it out. i don't want my neighbors to hear me singing with no music next door, or when they're walking down the hall. i know i need to work on that. if you listen to the rest of my stuff you'll see the same problem: weak vocals. again, thanks everybody. i'm trying to improve my songwriting/performance/recording. your comments help a lot. -chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cmjoyce22 Posted September 21, 2006 Author Members Share Posted September 21, 2006 one more thing, about the "reading from a menu" comment. i AM reading the lyrics off a page. i didn't write them, a friend of mine did, so i didn't really know them while i was recording. i think next time around i'll try to get to know the lyrics well enough before i record so that i don't have to read them. maybe that will help me put a little more emotion into it too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bluesway Posted September 21, 2006 Members Share Posted September 21, 2006 about the lyrics thing. you don't even have to. just take the recording in littler bites instead of the whole verse. studio singers don't memorize lyrics anymore! it's too much work! just read the line individually, sing it....and move on in steps. (dude, when i do my own music, i can't remember the lyrics) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Geno_xl Posted September 21, 2006 Members Share Posted September 21, 2006 Originally posted by cmjoyce22 thanks everybodysecond, the vocals... i get that critism a lot, i'm trying to work on it. i think one of the problems is that i record in my apartment, and i'm too shy to belt it out. i don't want my neighbors to hear me singing with no music next door, or when they're walking down the hall. -chris oh man, I know exactly what you mean. I've got the same problem in my new apartment. Lately, I've been recording vocals in the nearby bathroom (I know) just so that I can close the door. At least this way I can pretend that they don't hear me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rcb Posted September 21, 2006 Members Share Posted September 21, 2006 I figure that all my neighbors think I'm a little off, anyway, so I've just ceased to give a {censored}. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Geno_xl Posted September 21, 2006 Members Share Posted September 21, 2006 good for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members arellspencer Posted September 21, 2006 Members Share Posted September 21, 2006 Originally posted by Geno_xl oh man, I know exactly what you mean. I've got the same problem in my new apartment. Lately, I've been recording vocals in the nearby bathroom (I know) just so that I can close the door. At least this way I can pretend that they don't hear me. recording vocs in the water closet? what in the hail/????I belt oot line after loud line in my humble abode with the winders wide open and the across the street neighbors hear me. I thought about being embarrassed but why should I be? I ain't at all. They be outside listenin to me sometimes. I just keep right on jammin. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Geno_xl Posted September 21, 2006 Members Share Posted September 21, 2006 Originally posted by arellspencer recording vocs in the water closet? what in the hail/???? I belt oot line after loud line in my humble abode with the winders wide open and the across the street neighbors hear me. I thought about being embarrassed but why should I be? I ain't at all. They be outside listenin to me sometimes. I just keep right on jammin. but I bet they have no idea what your singing anyway... just kidding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ToxicBass Posted September 22, 2006 Members Share Posted September 22, 2006 Originally posted by arellspencer recording vocs in the water closet? what in the hail/???? I belt oot line after loud line in my humble abode with the winders wide open ...yeah but how do you keep your amp from fallin' in? http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=481684 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Christopher Kai Posted September 22, 2006 Members Share Posted September 22, 2006 The musicianship is way ahead of the vocal quality on this bad boy. Good stuff- great song, in fact. A great singer would take this from great to exceptional. Your tone, licks, fills, phrasing- is all wonderful to listen to. There's no shame in admiting you're not a world class singer... I admit it all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cmjoyce22 Posted September 22, 2006 Author Members Share Posted September 22, 2006 i admit i'm not a great singer, and i know i never will be an aretha franklin or stevie wonder. but you don't need a great voice to make great music. see dylan, tom waits, even john lennon really. but in any case, i need to learn to sing better. i can hit the notes pretty well, i'm just missing something. just not quite sure what it is or how to improve though. i think it's something i can get better at. advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JSimms Posted September 22, 2006 Members Share Posted September 22, 2006 Originally posted by cmjoyce22 i admit i'm not a great singer, and i know i never will be an aretha franklin or stevie wonder.but you don't need a great voice to make great music. see dylan, tom waits, even john lennon really.but in any case, i need to learn to sing better. i can hit the notes pretty well, i'm just missing something. just not quite sure what it is or how to improve though.i think it's something i can get better at.advice? Sounds like a confidence issue to me. You have a nice timbre to your voice, you just don't sound like you know exactly where you are going. Timid is the word that comes to mind. The cure for this: Repetitions--Thousands and thousands and thousands of repetitions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dinlgeStaff45 Posted September 22, 2006 Members Share Posted September 22, 2006 yea less vibrato, but keep it where it counts, then it will be the greastes ever. maybe even better than jimi hendrix( maybe)! see ya i gotta go now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cmjoyce22 Posted September 22, 2006 Author Members Share Posted September 22, 2006 "Thousands and thousands and thousands of repetitions." you mean like keep recording the vocals on a song over and over and over? or do you mean in a more general since? sing a lot and practice singing a lot? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted September 23, 2006 Members Share Posted September 23, 2006 Coming in late, so most other people have already made my points. I like the guitar work, very nice and slinky/funky. A little noodly at times, but that's ok for the song. I liked the organ, and wished there was more of it. The drums were a little weak and, like JSimms, I noticed (not in a good way) some kind of slapback/stick noise going on with the snare. The vocals, well, +1 on everyone else's comments. Basically a good performance of a good song. Wasn't really prepared for the white-boy funk (your last song was solo/acoustic as I remember), but I got into it pretty quickly. I think it would be more effective with a wider dynamic range, but since both the drums and voice are naturally dynamic instruments, maybe dealing with those issues will fix the dynamics issue as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mr.O Posted September 24, 2006 Members Share Posted September 24, 2006 Originally posted by JSimms Sounds like a confidence issue to me. You have a nice timbre to your voice, you just don't sound like you know exactly where you are going. Timid is the word that comes to mind. The cure for this: Repetitions--Thousands and thousands and thousands of repetitions. With repetitions comes creativity. Sounds crazy, but it is true. Repetition is boring so it creates innovation. And that is what seperates the boys from the men. Repetition, Repetition, Repetition. Most people can't handle that part of making music. I will never be a great anything, because I can't stand repetition. Your doing really good. Simply the vocals are a bit weak. They lack a sense of maturity. no offense, I'm guessing your not in your 50's or drink and smoke heavily!! Trust me when I say your doing better than 90% of people who try to create and capture . Never stop!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cmjoyce22 Posted September 24, 2006 Author Members Share Posted September 24, 2006 thanks everybody this forum is great, i can't beleive you took the time to listen to my song so carefully, all of your feedback is informed and well thought out, and very very helpful you all have given me very useful advice, and managed to do it in a constructive way your comments will help me improve as a musician/songwriter/recorder/SINGER! thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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