Baron85 Presents: A new song and a naked chick!!

[baron85]

Every Girl I've Ever Met

 

Instead of doing the homework that is beginning to pile up, I wrote and recorded this today. Guess I needed to get it off my chest.

 

Tell me what you think - I do love feedback.

 

 

Oh, and here's the naked chick I promised:

 

[baron85]

I might have to work on getting some other naked chick on here. This one isn't working.

 

Any thoughts/critiques on the song, though?

[tamoore]

The playing and singing is great! I'd love to hear the voice louder in the mix. So points in the song it sounds like maybe it's too high for you..

 

The instruments and picking all work well together..

 

The transition between the verse and the chorus feels a little funny, buy not too bad..

 

The bridge area seemed to go on too long. Great idea, just kind of repetitive, and I feel it would have more of an impact if it were shorter.

 

It feels like there is a runaway tempo going on that you might have intended, but it was slightly uncomfortable as a listener.

 

Overall, very nice work. I love the feel of your material. Very organic.

 

Thanks for sharing.

[Chicken Monkey]

I hear the need for a brutal rewrite, but the emotional thrust is definitely there. Particularly distressing are the 3rd line, first verse, and 2nd line, second verse. Seems like you're really cramming the words in there without saying anything particularly important--it shouldn't be too difficult to put something there that flows better and says as much. I also don't know what it means to "let" a "line". Is that a fishing thing, or something? Maybe I'm the only one that that doesn't make sense for.

 

I like the playing a lot. The overall arrangement is a little frustrating to listen to, because you're right on the line between solo/demo recording and full band recording. I keep wanting to hear either more instrumentation, or a more stripped-down version. The guitar parts sound really great; you've got TWO guitar parts, rather than just one strumming and one wanking. They really need some keys, bass, and drums, though.

[baron85]

Tamoore: You're probably right on A). singing, B). bridge, C). runaway tempo. I might tune down a half step to rectify A, shorten it a bit for B, and hopefully, someday get somebody to play some drums for me to get C in line. I don't mind the transition between the verse and the chorus - I think it's due to the rough nature of the recording that it sounds a little "off".

 

Chicken Monkey: I was thinking that if I added drums, I'd try limiting it to something not a drum set (and coming in at the beginning of the second verse). I'm thinking like the percussion used in Factory Girl by the Stones, or something like that. Nice catch on the "you're every line that I've let" line - I originally intended to sing in the background "go", and sing "alone" after "you're every night that I've slept", and so on. But I didn't like the sound of it, so I cut it out. Now the line doesn't really make sense. Just curious, are you implying that most of my other songs feature a "strummy" guitar and a "wanking" guitar?---because you'd probably be right.

[eeglug]

Nice song. Kinda Stonesy. (When do we get to hear a Big Star-ish tune?)

[Chicken Monkey]

 

Just curious, are you implying that most of my other songs feature a "strummy" guitar and a "wanking" guitar?---because you'd probably be right.

 

 

NO. You usually seem to have your stuff pretty well integrated. It's a general tendency among solo-capable guitarists to assume that since they CAN play lead guitar, they SHOULD play lead guitar, so they strum through the song, and then overdub some meandering lead line through the whole thing. I think something like that came up in the GJ contest this year.

[baron85]

 

Nice song. Kinda Stonesy. (When do we get to hear a Big Star-ish tune?)

 

 

I'm not sure if any of my songs are Big Star-esque. I have one that reminds me of Guided By Voices, and another than reminds me of Little Feat, but I suppose other people could hear other influences in those. However, I refuse to release either until I get some damn drums.

 

Chicken Monkey: I know what song you're talking about. It was MUCH better when he took out most of the lead guitar.

[rsadasiv]

+1 on the organic feel and good integration between the guitar parts.

 

Transition at :51 is weak. Chorus is too long, and again the transition is weak. Bridge is too long. The arrhythmic strumming transition from the bridge back to the chorus at 3:00 is terrible. All the parts (verse, chorus, bridge) are fundamentally good - you just need to tighten the whole thing up a bit.

 

Factory Girl is one of the great Keef songs - I could see some tambourine/bongo percussion, and maybe add a mandolin part to spice up the bridge. I don't know how many drunken friends you have hanging around, but a "roomful of people singing along" vocal track (thinking more Country Honk here) could fill out the second chorus.

 

As far as the lyrics - I think they are servicable enough. There's a reason the Stones never printed lyric sheets with any of their album sleeves.

[baron85]

 

As far as the lyrics - I think they are servicable enough. There's a reason the Stones never printed lyric sheets with any of their album sleeves.

 

 

Ouch. That one stings a little bit. I have to admit, Mick Jagger could come up with an evocative lyric from time to time. He had just the right mix of arrogance and vulnerability (from Get Off My Cloud to Moonlight Mile). They weren't poetry, but they certainly weren't bad.

 

Oh, and as for my songs, I noticed that the transition from the bridge back to the chorus was off, but I didn't have the time or inclination to fix it . . . this is merely a demo track so A). I don't forget it and B). I can get some feedback on here. But you're right on most, if not all, points.

 

You're critical, and I like that. If you have time, you wanna check out my other songs (My Sweet Delilah, Running Down, The Beautiful & The Damned, Come On Down) and give me some feedback on them? I'd love to hear what you think.