Cliche'

[VSpaceBoy]

I think this is my most cliche' song to date. any suggestions?

 

_______________________________

-Wish it away-

 

 

Grab on

Pull the spell off

Drag me

(I won

[blue2blue]

I'd say they're more familiar, everyday phrases, familiar constructions.

 

I don't think anyone should feel compelled to always say everything in a novel way -- although it's nice when something makes us look at something in a new way.

 

But... I have to say I'm not getting what I feel like is a complete picture from these lyrics. Or even the hint of one...

 

Now, obviously, with certain kinds of music, there's a synergism... put these lyrics with angry punk or metal music (just pulling stuff outta the air) and, with the right vocal, melody, delivery, it might be perfectly clear.

 

But if you were looking for these lyrics to stand more on their own to evoke a feeling or story... well, I think you'd need to flesh them out, some... breathe a little life in the form of narrative or metaphor or... something.

[Tullsterx]

I don't think its too cliche. . . hell, everythings been said before, go ahead and don't worry about being cliche. If it comes to you then say it. They seem kinda vague and general though. But, I'm not real big on lyrics having to make sense or tell a story or anything. Umm. . . not that these don't make sense.

[VSpaceBoy]

I'd say they're more familiar, everyday phrases, familiar constructions. I don't think anyone should feel compelled to always say everything in a novel way -- although it's nice when something makes us look at something in a new way. But... I have to say I'm not getting what I feel like is a complete picture from these lyrics. Or even the hint of one... Now, obviously, with certain kinds of music, there's a synergism... put these lyrics with angry punk or metal music (just pulling stuff outta the air) and, with the right vocal, melody, delivery, it might be perfectly clear. But if you were looking for these lyrics to stand more on their own to evoke a feeling or story... well, I think you'd need to flesh them out, some... breathe a little life in the form of narrative or metaphor or... something.

 

 

Wow great post. Thanks for the help!

 

Yes, to be completely honest, I tried to keep it a little vague. The song is about my own addiction, and my stuggles with it. It makes me feel vulnerable to talk (or sing) about so I'm trying to leave the song more to be interpreted.

 

but, it you have no idea where I'm going with it, I guess I should help.

 

Also to let you know, this song starts as a slow, clean rock song. Then builds to a louder, somewhat heavier ending.

 

Thanks again.

[VSpaceBoy]

I don't think its too cliche. . . hell, everythings been said before, go ahead and don't worry about being cliche. If it comes to you then say it. They seem kinda vague and general though. But, I'm not real big on lyrics having to make sense or tell a story or anything. Umm. . . not that these don't make sense.

 

Thanks for your feedback. Please read my reponse above if you want an idea of what the songs about.

Thanks!

[eagle1]

I don't think it's too cliche either but you have to keep in mind that even if you try to "hide" a cliche with something clever you'll end up with the same thing. And like someone said above, everything's been said before sometimes with cute words, sometimes with colloquial/informal words or not.

I understood what you wrote and I believe it would make for a good song.

When you guys decide to record it, please post it.

[VSpaceBoy]

I don't think it's too cliche either but you have to keep in mind that even if you try to "hide" a cliche with something clever you'll end up with the same thing. And like someone said above, everything's been said before sometimes with cute words, sometimes with colloquial/informal words or not. I understood what you wrote and I believe it would make for a good song. When you guys decide to record it, please post it.

 

You know you're right. I do just that, often hide cliche ideas in something clever.

 

Thanks for reading and yes, I'll post something when I have it recorded. Thanks!

[blue2blue]

Wow great post. Thanks for the help! Yes, to be completely honest, I tried to keep it a little vague. The song is about my own addiction, and my stuggles with it. It makes me feel vulnerable to talk (or sing) about so I'm trying to leave the song more to be interpreted. but, it you have no idea where I'm going with it, I guess I should help. Also to let you know, this song starts as a slow, clean rock song. Then builds to a louder, somewhat heavier ending. Thanks again.

 

Sometimes there's a lot of power in keeping things spare. But if you're looking for power in your words, sometimes you have to give it up, too. They don't call it confessional writing for nothing.

 

 

Now... in light of what you've told me here in this thread, when I look back at your lyrics, I've now got some of the information I hadn't picked up before (which is amusing, since a fair slice of my own writing deals with addiction and its consequences)... and I can sense more of the undercurrent of emotion.

 

While it's likely I might well have heard that in your voice and music if I were to see this song performed, just taking the lyrics here on the page as a universe unto themselves, I think the song would be more successful getting over to me with a few more hints as to the framework.

 

But, as you noted, it's a deeply personal song and it's coming from someplace in you that is in flux... and maybe you'll never be comfortable with specifics, for that matter.

 

Writers have written around things since the beginning of writing.

 

In fact, I'd say a LOT of writing is about something the author is not comfortable with -- and THAT's where a lot of the energy comes from, for him and for us the audience, as well. The other stuff -- love is good, treat your fellow man right, my GF is pretty, there's no struggle in that... it's preachin' to the choir. Nice to hear when well done but not necessarily compelling...

 

But show me a man or woman's struggle with good and evil, temptation and salvation, show me the pain of their loneliness or despair, their longing... you've got me.

 

Don't tell me about it. Show me.

 

I don't want a report on someone's status: I hurt so bad. Yuh... well, we all got our crosses to bear.

 

But if a songwriter shows me with images or details -- or he makes me look at things in a new way by changing the focus from what I expect -- or if he makes me look a a situation differently by -- maybe (to drag us back on point somehow, anyhow ) inverting a cliche or other expectation... reinventing, as it were... that gets me involved. I'm no longer receiving a summary of a situation, I'm experiencing bits and pieces of it or exploring something familiar from a new angle in the case of a suprise ending or other subverted expectation.

[VSpaceBoy]

Sometimes there's a lot of power in keeping things spare. But if you're looking for power in your words, sometimes you have to give it up, too. They don't call it confessional writing for nothing. Now... in light of what you've told me here in this thread, when I look back at your lyrics, I've now got some of the information I hadn't picked up before (which is amusing, since a fair slice of my own writing deals with addiction and its consequences)... and I can sense more of the undercurrent of emotion. While it's likely I might well have heard that in your voice and music if I were to see this song performed, just taking the lyrics here on the page as a universe unto themselves, I think the song would be more successful getting over to me with a few more hints as to the framework. But, as you noted, it's a deeply personal song and it's coming from someplace in you that is in flux... and maybe you'll never be comfortable with specifics, for that matter. Writers have written around things since the beginning of writing. In fact, I'd say a LOT of writing is about something the author is not comfortable with -- and THAT's where a lot of the energy comes from, for him and for us the audience, as well. The other stuff -- love is good, treat your fellow man right, my GF is pretty, there's no struggle in that... it's preachin' to the choir. Nice to hear when well done but not necessarily compelling... But show me a man or woman's struggle with good and evil, temptation and salvation, show me the pain of their loneliness or despair, their longing... you've got me. Don't tell me about it. Show me. I don't want a report on someone's status: I hurt so bad. Yuh... well, we all got our crosses to bear. But if a songwriter shows me with images or details -- or he makes me look at things in a new way by changing the focus from what I expect -- or if he makes me look a a situation differently by -- maybe (to drag us back on point somehow, anyhow ) inverting a cliche or other expectation... reinventing, as it were... that gets me involved. I'm no longer receiving a summary of a situation, I'm experiencing bits and pieces of it or exploring something familiar from a new angle in the case of a suprise ending or other subverted expectation.

 

I completely agree. Struggles are usually more interesting to ppl. Its hard to be compelled to listen to proclamations of sad day versus pulling you into the story.

 

Back to this song, yes, how I sing it, especially the ending, is very full of emotion for me. Maybe I should add a few little lines someone to paint more of the picture.

 

Thanks again for the great post!

[LittleZeus92]

It wasn't really cliche', because it uses everyday expressions, but it does have a good message. Thanks for the reply on my song too, I replied to other people's songs, plenty of times, but they never reply to me. I've been telling a lot of people how I feel for their music, maybe that will help?

[VSpaceBoy]

It wasn't really cliche', because it uses everyday expressions, but it does have a good message. Thanks for the reply on my song too, I replied to other people's songs, plenty of times, but they never reply to me. I've been telling a lot of people how I feel for their music, maybe that will help?

 

Yes, its definately a start. As I wrote before, we're a community that helps each other.

 

Thanks for checking out my song!