so i was watching late night tv...........

[funkified1985]

and all these stupid tele evangalists were on.

 

they made me angry.

 

so i gotz my guitar and churned out these lyrics. i'm gonna fix them up later and give them to tamoore to turn in to a gospel song. or maybe not.

 

Preacher Man

 

i am the preacher man

i am right and they are wrong

i am the preacher man

i will reach you through word and song

 

hello there ma'am i am the preacher man

care to listen ma'am care to aid my plan?

do bring your child before they grow wild

and lead sinful lives amongst painful lies

 

whats that you say you're not interested today

well your opinions may differ but please do stay.

cuz a dangerous world affects a moral-less girl

and with no guidance she turns to violent concerns

 

do not doubt me miss i can explain all of this

just you step inside and experience true bliss

i have spoken truth and have broken through

come start a life new because i know you better than you do.

 

i am the preacher man

i am right and you are wrong

i am the preacher man

i will reach you through word and song

 

these are my tools to persuade many a fool

that choose to defy my word and my rules

what your troubles done will be doubled come

your judgment of not just you but your son.

 

yes its all quite clear you have much to fear

but not to worry because i can save you m'dear

listen to my every word until you definetly learn

your life before me was completely absurd

 

i'll give you false hope and we're all close folk,

hang yourself and they will give you the rope.

but don't feel dismay cuz i will heal away

all of your pains because i know you're much better off this way

 

i am the preacher man

i am right and you are wrong

i am the preacher man

i will reach you through word and song

 

now don't misbehave like those that do crave

all that is evil of which only i can save.

one of them you were but a 'thank you sir'

is all that i need so say it be freed.

 

 

[bridge]

so say it and be freed.

you've said it you're freed.

i have power and i have demands.

i will spread my word to foreign lands

i will talk to you until you cannot leave.

because you will now believe what i believe.

those that dare to say i'm wrong

will not be around for very long.

so unite with me i am the preacher man.

and i have control over you as only a preacher can.

 

i am the preacher man

i am right and they are wrong

i am the preacher man

i will reach you through word and song

 

 

 

 

 

 

there you go.

 

a few nips of rum was involved.

 

fightings man drink.

 

:mad:

[kurdy]

Actually, this is not bad at all for someone who's drunk.

 

Don't know if you recall, but there was a thread in this forum not too long ago where someone posted a song they wrote about a similar subject--this song might have come in handy to use as an example of the right way of doing it (the poster in question didn't take criticism well).

 

This is really good. The message is loud and clear, yet it doesn't come off as too preachy. It does seem a bit long, but if you come up with some catchy and interesting music for it, it shouldn't be too much of a problem.

 

The only line that I think could specifically be better is the one about "false hope". Since the song is in character, you want to make the singer sound as if he believes in what he's saying. A preacher man would never say he'd give anyone "false hope". He'd consider what he gives to be real and true. It's up to the listener to fill in the blanks as to what he's really offering.

[funkified1985]

Actually, this is not bad at all for someone who's drunk. Don't know if you recall, but there was a thread in this forum not too long ago where someone posted a song they wrote about a similar subject--this song might have come in handy to use as an example of the right way of doing it (the poster in question didn't take criticism well). This is really good. The message is loud and clear, yet it doesn't come off as too preachy. It does seem a bit long, but if you come up with some catchy and interesting music for it, it shouldn't be too much of a problem. The only line that I think could specifically be better is the one about "false hope". Since the song is in character, you want to make the singer sound as if he believes in what he's saying. A preacher man would never say he'd give anyone "false hope". He'd consider what he gives to be real and true. It's up to the listener to fill in the blanks as to what he's really offering.

 

thanks for replying.

 

well i wasn't drunk when i posted it here but i was partially liquored up from rum when i wrote it on paper. i originally posted this on gj but then realised there was a songwriting forum so copy pasted the exact thread here. forgot

 

i'm having difficulty getting the right music too it. these aren't the sort of lyrics i write. the delivery would have to be quite fast which i'm no good at coming up with melodies for. usually i write music first then think of melodies over it. so far all i've been doing is trying to adapt this to vocal-less songs i already have.

 

i know what you mean about the false hope thing. as i was writing it i was really divided about how subtle to make it. i was curious if a listener would be able to get the point of the song. that the song is satirising and mocking preachers and the empowerment and righteousness they think they have. i'm debating what to replace it with. generally i like things that flow well rhythmically as well as how it rhymes (its why a lot of my lines don't actually make sense).

 

i was worried that this style of song had been done before. i've been meaning to write it for ages. but then yeah....late night in front of the tv........and some evangelists came on........benny hinn......jesse duplantis. i got my pen and just wrote it all in about 10mins.

 

i admit i am an athiest and don't mean to offend christians on this board. the song is just presenting a stereotype that i just see all too often in many religions.

[tamoore]

 

 

 

 

I hear a Kings X type sounding song to these lyrics........

[funkified1985]

I hear a Kings X type sounding song to these lyrics........

 

omg it would be awesome.

 

i don't have any access to recording gear.

 

so even if i put music to these lyrics it'll all but disappear as i forget them.

 

i don't even want to wonder about the tens of songs i figured out and have totally forgotten.

 

i should really buy a pod and an m box.

[Chicken Monkey]

I'd do a major edit and cut it to about half-size. Clear, concise, and to the point. That might take the pressure off on the rapid-fire delivery thing.

[funkified1985]

I'd do a major edit and cut it to about half-size. Clear, concise, and to the point. That might take the pressure off on the rapid-fire delivery thing.

 

how would you recommend doing that without doing the writing it all again.

 

i guess i could cut it to two verses the first time...........then one verse after each chorus. that'd get rid of 3 verses.

 

i'll see how things go thanks for the reply.

[cuppycup]

I think you've got a pretty good theme, but the lyrics seem boring to me. Maybe these aren't any better, but I took one of your verses and gave it a shot.

 

cuz in a dangerous world as a godless girl

with no compass you're surely a godly concern

so stick to my words and dodge the slow burn

in elysian fields let's await His return

[blue2blue]

 

I'd do a major edit and cut it to about half-size. Clear, concise, and to the point. That might take the pressure off on the rapid-fire delivery thing.

 

 

I was just thinking along similar lines... I see that much verbiage and I think, too long.

 

Happily, it's easier to trim out the less necessary or redundant parts than it is to fill in a song that's not all there... (At least it is for me.)

[funkified1985]

I think you've got a pretty good theme, but the lyrics seem boring to me. Maybe these aren't any better, but I took one of your verses and gave it a shot. cuz in a dangerous world as a godless girl with no compass you're surely a godly concern so stick to my words and dodge the slow burn in elysian fields let's await His return

 

ah yours are much better than mine

 

but i feel like they're too good. they seem like the lyrics that would actually be in a worship or praise song. if you get what i mean.

[funkified1985]

i just got the words to finally fit over some music.

 

i'm in guitar pro transcribing right now.

 

all the verses will fit.

 

180bpm song ftw.

 

i've got the first verse rhythmically and melodically downpat. so now i need to change the lyrics slightly to the other verses to match it exactly.

 

i agreed with you guys that i was gonna have to edit this down. but once i started writing the music....i think i made it work.

[cuppycup]

yeah, I hear you. The message might get lost and you'll end up on Christian radio. I don't know what genre you're into, but my stuff's generally pretty low-key, so it might not work at all. I might try something like this for a faster tempo.

 

cuz it's a dangerous world for a wayward girl

with no compass you're sure to make all the wrong turns

so stick to my words and you won't get burned

just spare a few bucks to earn virtue in return

 

I'm not suggesting you use any of this, but I hope it's an example of using more alliterative and internal rhyming. I also threw in some word play like moral compass, but referring to direction like a traditional compass. Cheesy maybe, but I think it's interesting. Same with "you won't get burned." It has the dual meaning with hell.

[funkified1985]

hahah i have a midi composition of the song.

 

synth lead for the vocals. it should be ok to follow with the lyrics.

 

and some guitars. no drums.

 

oh how it sounds awful

 

http://www.sharebigfile.com/file/178581/preacher-man-mid.html

 

yes its 7 mins 30.

 

yes there are long instrumental parts.

 

yes the verse length is an awkward 10 bars instead of an 8.

 

yes there is a midi {censored} up in the intro regarding tempo change. for some reason it comes blasting in at 180 bpm.....when its supposed to just be a gradual increase from 120 to 180.

 

yes that is a 5/4 bar in the bridge part.

 

[funkified1985]

yeah, I hear you. The message might get lost and you'll end up on Christian radio. I don't know what genre you're into, but my stuff's generally pretty low-key, so it might not work at all. I might try something like this for a faster tempo. cuz it's a dangerous world for a wayward girl with no compass you're sure to make all the wrong turns so stick to my words and you won't get burned just spare a few bucks to earn virtue in return I'm not suggesting you use any of this, but I hope it's an example of using more alliterative and internal rhyming. I also threw in some word play like moral compass, but referring to direction like a traditional compass. Cheesy maybe, but I think it's interesting. Same with "you won't get burned." It has the dual meaning with hell.

 

hahah yeah it'd be a disaster if it ended up on christian radio. it'd be like bush using "born in the usa" at one of his political rally things.

 

i need to learn to write lyrics more like how you do. i don't ever write lyrics at all and need the practice.

 

still i'll probably keep the lyrics pretty much the same despite everyone's recommendations. i know it may seem stubborn.......but its just a matter of principle. i wouldn't wanna be using somebody elses lyrics or ideas but i will take what you've said in to account for when i write other songs in the future.

 

i'm new to this songwriting board......i should have spent more time here ages ago. curse you Guitar Jam!