Lyrical review duders

[Shart]

A song I threw together. Simple progression goes from A to E

Any opinions are appreciated. I'd like to expand the chorus some. Thoughts?

 

Secret Agent Man

 

Secret agent man hiding in the trees

Monkeys wearing suits, scratching on the fleas

Telescopes, satellites, audio devices

Whistle while you work when nothing else suffices

 

Standing in {censored} creek over balls deep

Can

[blue2blue]

Lots of details and images, it might have an interesting effect when sung. A few choices seemed a little "rhyme-driven" but overall it stays on message, for the most part.

 

Still... (to go along with the motiff:)I wasn't sure if I got enough clues to be able to puzzle together what the spying was all about. Or, you know, maybe that's the point -- there are a few other songs that focus pretty tightly on paranoia, I think the Stones have one from the late 70s (FBI something or other? Could it be something like, "Somebody's Watching Me"? Anyhow, I kind of remember liking it.)

 

I suspect you could tighten this up a bit, get rid of the perfunctory or arbitrary bits to make room for some more interesting or funny details that might help us see a little more easily why they're spying on this guy and maybe give us a little more reason to care about his plight or identify with him.

 

A good start, I think. Do a quick recording and let us hear how it sounds with music.

[Shart]

Thanks blue and yes there are some arbitrary bits. The "whistle while u work" line comes to mind as does the "arrowheads" line. I'll post an acoustic version in the next day or two.

 

Here's lyrics to another song. Suggestions welcome

 

Bipolar Bitch

 

She

[Dtob]

Secret Agent Man -- it's great. You should think about changing the "suffices" line because it's too on the nose and rhyme driven. Maybe make it a quasi rhyme with a phrase like "pay the price."

 

Overall, you've got a nice, quirky, character driven song that really works. Good stuff. Consider changing the 1st line and title to Secret Agent Men... it works better with the images you've created in the rest of the verse.

 

I hope this is constructive for you.

[jonnythesaint]

maybe toooo explicit, I like a majority of it though, but I don't know what style of music it is. Reminds me a little bit of one of my favorite song writers...Tom Waits, just in the fact that you have some good descriptions of things and people.