Members bloolight Posted July 2, 2007 Members Share Posted July 2, 2007 This is a work-in-progress song called "String Me On". We're a duo with two guitars, so I can't do much about the lack of a rhythm section. I wrote the lyrics and the singer wrote the chord progression. I'm playing lead and the electric rhythm guitars. http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=721240 Here are my concerns: 1.) The dynamic of the song is pretty flat. I'm trying to find ways to mix things up even though we only have two guitars to work with on stage. 2.) He's rushing through the chorus...I'm going to cut a word or two out to give him some space. So, fire away. I need some new ears on this one! *edit: I changed the link to Soudclick to make everyone's lives easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tamoore Posted July 2, 2007 Members Share Posted July 2, 2007 "Baby" might be the most overused word in all of songwriting. If I were going to suggest one you cut out, it'd be that one. The chorus is good, and the alliteration makes it memorable, IMO. Not to be anti-guitar hero or anything, but for me there was too much - although magnificently played with superb tone - guitar solo work. 4 or 8 bars is enough. Pick your best phrases, and cut it down a bit. There are quite a few trite phrases and ideas in the lyric here, which I do find a bit ironic given the fact that you do seem to be lyric-centric in the other reviews that you gave today. Not that I'm saying the lyrics are bad - they're not at all. Thanks. Post some more stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bloolight Posted July 2, 2007 Author Members Share Posted July 2, 2007 Thanks for the input. I certainly agree with the length of the solos...the second one, in particular, is too long. We're desperately trying to get a two-hour setlist in order for gigging, so we're padding things out quite a bit. Once we record this for real, I think I'll be cutting at least a third of the solo. "baby" is one of those musical wallpaper type words that is so cliche, it doesn't even register to me as cliche. I think it sings well, and I'm sure the singer will be able to sell it better once he gets more comfortable with the song. Or at least, I hope so...there was one "baby" in there that actually hit the ground with a thud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted July 2, 2007 Members Share Posted July 2, 2007 Well... provoked by the sidebar discussion of the word, baby, here, I did a search in my lyrics folder... something like 40 of my songs contained the word. 11 of them had baby in the title... [i was scared by a really loud version of Eno's "Baby's On Fire" when I was a child... of 24 or so.] Anyhow, I sort of have to echo tamoore's comments on other specifics. (Well, and there are a lot of babys in this song. )I liked the overall feel of the song... but it felt a little minor-key bound by the end of the five minutes. Given that you're trying to pad things, maybe a middle section that's really a bit different? Something that will really make that minor root sound dark and mysterious again when you come back in to it. If there was more to support the electric guitar solos (a full band arrangement, say), I think you could get away with them -- but they'd still feel long. But they do have a nice feel. As tamoore suggests, right now, they're a little out of balance with the song. Get their duration down some, tighten up (unless maybe you were to go with the divergent middle section idea... but that that becomes something else entirely). Anyhow, I like it, overall. A little tinkering and trimming and I think you'll have a strong little folk rock torch song kind of thing going. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members eeglug Posted July 3, 2007 Members Share Posted July 3, 2007 edit: you may want to consider finding another host that doesn't make us wait to download your music. It's just the perfect excuse for me to not even bother listening to your stuff. I don't have much to add to what's been said. I think some of the words don't sit well in the rhythm or perhaps it's just the delivery, especially near the end. Would like to hear a fuller arrangement of this... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bloolight Posted July 3, 2007 Author Members Share Posted July 3, 2007 edit: you may want to consider finding another host that doesn't make us wait to download your music. It's just the perfect excuse for me to not even bother listening to your stuff. I don't have much to add to what's been said. I think some of the words don't sit well in the rhythm or perhaps it's just the delivery, especially near the end. Would like to hear a fuller arrangement of this... Thanks for the advice about the hosting thing...I've just been using the first site I looked at. I've set up a Soundclick account now, which appears to be the preferred place to host. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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