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I would love some feedback on this slow jam


mystixboi1

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A while ago I wrote this song for my GF. I did this all at my home studio in a 4 hour time frame. I finally mixed everything yesterday and this is the first bit that I mixed.

 

For the keys and strings, I used an Alesis QS 8.2. For the dirty guitars, I used my Carvin CT3 into my line 6 POD XT Live into my mbox. For the acoustics and vox I used an Audio Techinica AT2020 condenser mic into a Presonus TUBE Preamp into the mbox.

 

Girl Next Door

http://users.bandzoogle.com/johnmendoza/media/mp3/02-Girl-Next-Door-first-mix.mp3

 

Thanks in advance!!!

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at this point, i've listened to this about five times......

okay......i'm going to be straight with you: i didn't review this tune b/c i had a hard time with it. i think your other song was exponentially better in quality. all of what i'm about to say, of course, is just taste-based....there is no authority in music writing, so don't take what i say as anything more than some loser's $ 0.02. :)

 

the first thing that turned me off was that you matched the vocal melody with the piano line in the verse.....not that that's always a bad idea, but in this case, it was a little too Air Supply B-side for me. i justed wanted counter-melody and i got unison.

 

lyrically, i wasn't too moved, either. i don't if it's my fault taste-wise or your fault, but i generally don't get very much out of a love song like this. there was no cleverness in the lyrical hook.....no play in the verses...it's not a bad thing, but i just feel like it's been done and done and done again. that said, i look for love songs that say something in a new way....or even in an old way, but with new images ("the luckiest" by ben folds comes to mind....google the lyrics, if you can)

 

the super-soaked guitar solo with harmony and no drumming over the piano and string synth pad was not a big point of appeal for me, either. i'm not expecting big-budget sound here, but i feel like the song was overproduced- even without the drums. a tune like this always done better UNDER-produced......i'd lose alot of the 'extras' and try to minimalize it more - make it intimate; not showy.

 

all in all, i would try revisiting this with new ears and perhaps a bit more lyrical images....

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The only down side is the verse, and I'm not sure what exactly I'm looking for....it just lacks some pizzazz (sp?). The chorus is fine as is.

 

I wonder if drums would make this a bit more dynamic. It's actually one of very few songs with no drums that I've heard lately, so it's kind of a interesting difference.

 

I actually think the mix is great.... The arrangement on the chorus is really cool - vocally superb. Guitar break w/harmonies is cool. I don't think this is over-produced... I think it's well produced (*ducks from flamers).

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Hello mystixboi1

 

I believe the song is well structured and crafted and also

the recording is very nicely done (well balanced). But really... I lost interest

on the first 30 seconds. I found it monotonous and it kind of reminded me of an old Richard Marx song... Right Here Waiting...

 

I did liked the chorus and the harmonies!

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