Another Sad Song

[BrianKeesy]

Song #2 from my collection. Simple title "Another Sad Song". I started this as an up-beat song with sad lyrics to try to contrast the two but it just wasn't working out and then stumbled on this chord progression that I felt worked out ok.

 

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=817595&content=music

You can stream it from that link.

 

Thanks for the input.

 

-Brian

 

---------------------

You used to be my love but now your just another sad song

Am F C G Am F C G

You thought I wan't there so now Im gonna a move on

Am F C G Am F C G

You said it wouldn't work so you just gave up

Am F C G Am F C G

I said I was in love but you thought i wanted to {censored}

 

Am7 D F C

So how should I feel after you broke my heart

Am7 D F C

And how should it feel since you tore it apart

Am7 D F C

Is this what I get for playing my part

 

 

You used to be my love but now your just another sad song

 

You built up your wall and i tried to break it down

 

Everyday youd add a brick and i couldn't get in

 

Everyday id knock it down and youd start again

 

 

Am7 D F C

So how should I feel after you broke my heart

Am7 D F C

And how should it feel since you tore it apart

Am7 D F C

Is this what I get for playing my part

 

 

You used to be my love but now your just another sad song

 

I only wanted to feel like I belonged

 

You never looked at me even though I stared at you

 

The look on your face everyday made me blue

 

So you used to be my love but now your just another sad song

[blue2blue]

I wonder if maybe you have two songs here...

 

One uses a central metaphor of a love affair turning into 'another sad song'...

 

The other (potential) song uses the brick wall being torn down and built up as its central metaphor. (By the way, I think there could really be something in there with that image of it being built up and knocked down... Of course, it's tricky, if you get too caught up in it it will become clunky and obvious. Songwriting is like dancing... on the rim of a volcano. )

 

Now, if you wanted to get tricky... you might be able to get a song-within-a-song thing (or maybe you do already but haven't quite drawn the lines connecting all the dots).

 

But I wonder if the best way to deal with this song might be to let the two bits go their own ways, drawing two focused, coherent songs out of this.

 

PS... though your guitar playing's a wee bit shaky, I enjoyed the dark tone of your voice, it sounds mysterious and conveys emotion -- but part of that mysteriousness may be that I had some difficulty making out the words as you sang them. (Thanks for the lyric sheet! It always helps when words are an issue.)

[myredshoes]

Don't have speakers here but have a Martin.

It appears to be manufactured out of kitchen countertop scraps.

 

You've written out a very nice chord progression and it does fit the lyric well, but:

I like your original idea better - contrasting up music and down words.

 

I think one reason for this is that up music allows you to get almost any lyric content across. Particularly if your voice is not bell-like (my own lyrics can be very difficult to make out, my voice deep, dry and percussive) and the lyrics are not out there in front, your initial plan can result in a very nice subversive arraingement.

 

If that sort of thing interests you, I think you should continue pursuing it.

 

I don't particularly care for some of the lyrics.

"You never looked at me even though I stared at you" does not seem to belong in this song. It's a superfriendlyneighborguy type lyric which conveys creepiness to me. I'm not sure what it's doing in this song, the woman never looking at your protagonist, despite the whole staring thing, after they have broken up, his heart is broken, etc...

I don't understand that part. Not that all things aren't possible in love because {censored} knows they are, but I personally find this verse in this postion in the song a bit confusing.

The line would make more sense to me at the beginning of the song, when that response behavior might have warned the guy off, had he not chosen to ignore it.

 

I hope you won't take that as some kind of a criticism of anything other than the position of a line in a song. You're obviously a songwriter.

And I hope you would do the same for me when you see me writing something that seems wierd to you, okay?

Because usually I am so close to my songs that I can't even see them.

[Microwave Walrus]

damn sounds really good, maybe i'm listening too carefully tho...i just woke up...

no offense, but your vocals are bad

and you need a backup band or something

 

but i can definitely hear a groove there

 

the chords in the chorus could be improved, tho, I'm guessing

[BrianKeesy]

I wonder if maybe you have two songs here... One uses a central metaphor of a love affair turning into 'another sad song'... The other (potential) song uses the brick wall being torn down and built up as its central metaphor. (By the way, I think there could really be something in there with that image of it being built up and knocked down... Of course, it's tricky, if you get too caught up in it it will become clunky and obvious. Songwriting is like dancing... on the rim of a volcano. ) Now, if you wanted to get tricky... you might be able to get a song-within-a-song thing (or maybe you do already but haven't quite drawn the lines connecting all the dots). But I wonder if the best way to deal with this song might be to let the two bits go their own ways, drawing two focused, coherent songs out of this. PS... though your guitar playing's a wee bit shaky, I enjoyed the dark tone of your voice, it sounds mysterious and conveys emotion -- but part of that mysteriousness may be that I had some difficulty making out the words as you sang them. (Thanks for the lyric sheet! It always helps when words are an issue.)

 

 

I was gonna try to make it a "song in a song" but I haven't figured out how to make the change yet. There was a whole crap ton of other lyrics that had gotten scrapped as well so that is something I'm still working on. I'm sort of into the whole "rock opera" thing so I like putting too much stuff together and making it work.

 

I've been working on the guitar playing but I'm mainly a bass player so that is what I do most of my work on. And I just recently started singing. I have a hard time enunciating the words while trying to adjust the melody my voice is doing yet. Any good exercises that would help that?

[BrianKeesy]

 

I like your original idea better - contrasting up music and down words. I think one reason for this is that up music allows you to get almost any lyric content across. Particularly if your voice is not bell-like (my own lyrics can be very difficult to make out, my voice deep, dry and percussive) and the lyrics are not out there in front, your initial plan can result in a very nice subversive arraingement. If that sort of thing interests you, I think you should continue pursuing it.

 

 

I really wanted to do that so I'm working on an arrangement with my band that will allow me to do it with those chords and that progression. I have a peppy sort of bass line that I wrote the lyrics off of but then I put those chords to it and now my bass line doesn't fit anymore. So hopefully it will work out in the end.

[BrianKeesy]

I don't particularly care for some of the lyrics. "You never looked at me even though I stared at you" does not seem to belong in this song. It's a superfriendlyneighborguy type lyric which conveys creepiness to me. I'm not sure what it's doing in this song, the woman never looking at your protagonist, despite the whole staring thing, after they have broken up, his heart is broken, etc... I don't understand that part. Not that all things aren't possible in love because {censored} knows they are, but I personally find this verse in this postion in the song a bit confusing. The line would make more sense to me at the beginning of the song, when that response behavior might have warned the guy off, had he not chosen to ignore it. I hope you won't take that as some kind of a criticism of anything other than the position of a line in a song. You're obviously a songwriter. And I hope you would do the same for me when you see me writing something that seems wierd to you, okay? Because usually I am so close to my songs that I can't even see them.

I try not to take things too personally. Sometime I do and I don't mean to but the way you explained what you were feeling about the lyric made me feel the same thing so that was good. Thank you for not just saying "this line sucks".

 

What I was trying to convey was that towards the end of the relationship it was to the point where she didn't even want to look at the Protagonist. And even though he would go above and beyond what he wanted from her, he just couldn't even get the simple things.

 

I'll try to work on that one tonight. Or whenever I feel like it. I don't usually give myself a timeline. That makes my lyrics terrible.

[myredshoes]

I try not to take things too personally. Sometime I do and I don't mean to but the way you explained what you were feeling about the lyric made me feel the same thing so that was good. Thank you for not just saying "this line sucks". What I was trying to convey was that towards the end of the relationship it was to the point where she didn't even want to look at the Protagonist. And even though he would go above and beyond what he wanted from her, he just couldn't even get the simple things. I'll try to work on that one tonight. Or whenever I feel like it. I don't usually give myself a timeline. That makes my lyrics terrible.

 

Well, the line doesn't suck. It's a killer line. It was the placement in this song that bothered me.

 

"...the point where she didn't even want to look..."

 

There's your line. Needs two more syllables.

[BrianKeesy]

Well, the line doesn't suck. It's a killer line. It was the placement in this song that bothered me. "...the point where she didn't even want to look..." There's your line. Needs two more syllables.

 

anymore

 

the point where she didn't even want to look anymore

 

hrmm.

 

I'm gonna try that out tonight and see how it feels.

 

I knew I came here for a reason.