Solitary Being

[BrianKeesy]

#3 from my catalogue. No recordings of it yet but I'm working on it. As always, I'll update when I do get them recorded.

 

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Dm

I am a solitary being

C Am

Floating in a solitary stream

Dm

of mixed consiousness

C Am

full of incompetence

 

 

I am the man alive

always shifted in overdrive

pulling a world of hurt

draggin it through the dirt

 

 

 

What makes me me makes me you

What makes us us is solitude

What turns the world is right

What turns us on is inside

 

 

 

I am the solitary being

settled in my pool of genes

swimming through my ooze

drinking it like good booze

 

I am a man deprived

Nothing left to be revived

Never felt like being stoned

Yet here I am all alone

[Flying_Milkman]

I like the first verse, the rhymes and overall flow work well for me. However, after the first verse a few of the rhymes seem overly convenient, almost as if they were an afterthought thrown in. Overall I like the song, I just feel like some of it is "forced" sounding. The one that sticks out to me the most is...

 

"swimming through my ooze

drinking it like good booze"

 

...Just doesn't quite do "it" for me.

 

Just my opinion though. I like where the song is going

[Li10]

Yeah I agree on the ooze/booze bit. I liked the last verse best, I can connect with this because I'm not very sociable. Yeah the first verse is good as it is, but I didn't like the "never felt like being stoned" line in the last verse. I don't think it really fits in with the rest of the verse but maybe thats because I don't understand it, do you mean stoned as in execution or stoned as in high?

[blue2blue]

It reads like it might sound pretty cool sung. I have to agree with booze/ooze. Even if the pacing makes the seemingly tight rhymes feel more open... booze and ooze is just gonna sore thumb, I'm afraid.

 

That said... I kind of like the rhyme... it just draws too much attention to itself and might pull the song out of balance. But see how it feels sung... you never know.