The Happy Man

[kshelt76]

Hey all,

This is my first venture into this part of HC. Here's a song that popped into my head. Very new lyrics so they're quite rough.

 

The Happy Man

 

A little man sits in the corner, a smile upon his face.

But no one sees what lurks beneath, a rage that fills his space.

The pain and sadness have become, the only air he breathes.

And all the anger that waits beneath him is yearning to be free.

 

And yet there he sits, with that stupid smile, fixed upon his face.

So that everyone who thinks they know him, see nothing of his pain.

They think he's happy, that he has joy, yet they don't really know.

How dark it is, to be someone, who feels only sorrow.

 

Sure he smiles, sometimes he laughs, sometimes he's truly glad.

But that doesn't change who he really is, a man that's truly sad.

And so he waits, wanting things to get better, but he knows they probably won't.

So he sits there waiting, for silly wishes, tumbling further down his hole.

 

And when he's alone, and the smile is gone, he contemplates his life.

The darkness closes, the tears are gone, and a new day has arrived.

Time to wear his silly smile, like a shirt for his face.

And soldier through the pain and sorrow, the rage that fills his space.

 

 

Like I said, its sort of rough still, just wrote it this morning. Tell me what you think!

 

Thanks all!

[blue2blue]

I think the guy in the song needs someone to really talk with.

 

 

I kind of feel like you're 4/5ths of the way there with this. We see the guy and we hear about the dichotomy between his outward demeanor and the anger and disappointment inside him -- but why it's there, why he's like that, is a bit of a cypher... a riddle without enough clues to solve it.

 

Just as the guy in the song needs someone to draw him out (maybe), I think the song needs you to draw it out just a little more, to give us a little more so we can go from distant sympathy to comprehension and empathy. That might be a tough order to fill, I understand, but I think it's the key to making this character study come alive.

 

[mxclod]

Really liked it.There is no explanation to the sorrow which can leave it up to the reader to decide but it would be more powerful if you had an inkling as to the suffering.Very nice tho!