Spirit Wings

[Cripes]

I wrote this about 10 years ago in a strange frame of mind. Could never wrap it around a melody. Still trying from time to time but get to doing easier things. It's just one long run-on sentence at the moment.

 

Here comes the road the sun is rising

One last look it's time to start

All over land and into life

The days are good too good to stay for

Now the ride is mine and you your eyes did

Hold the stars that filled the evening sky

On mystery flight that wonderous night that

Tribal call of primal urge into ourselves

Compelled by will we stay forever yes

We say we say on shiver cool the ground

It holds us molds our souls for moments

Longer than the night that leaves the honesty

So true as hearts know better leave while

Happy sad for happy hours gone not fair

We know what's real so very real we can't repeal

The dreams of what could be will never

Be but cooling embers sparked by life

In step with all the grace of blowing sage and

Endless dawns that mark the youth that parks the

Want of new horizons firmly in the eyes will never

Lose the colors color yearns to scream to tell to

Yell to all who'll look and maybe see there really

Is a place from sea to shining sea and not less

Brilliant than the core of who we are we are just

Skidding never rolling with the life presented

Free no charge to take the dare to touch the air

To listen to its laughter carried low enough to

See the trees the grasses dance the melody the

Winds compose the ballet of the skies and all that

Flies beyond desire within the heart to soar the heights

To lose the lashes binding earthly creatures

In our hopeless copeless sense of life we trade

We run away to seldom see through eyes that want

To focus on the truth but rather seek the hocus-pocus

Life beyond the real illusion glitters techno-purges

Void the landscape clean the pallet no one cares

In droves we fashion truth from lies we hypnotize

Ourselves to walk to talk as ordered never hearing

Mystery cries to stop to find our spirit wings

To raise our heads and feel the wind to let the ancients

Rise within and lift our souls away.

[MDR]

Good stuff, with plenty of potential. There's enough material there to make a dozen of my songs!

 

It'll need a bit of work, both on meter and rhyme, to get it songworthy. A large task, indeed, and I can understand why you put it aside in favour of simpler work.

 

Perhaps you could take a section of it, and work on the section, make it into a song. Once that was done, maybe you could extrapolate to the remainder of the lyric.

 

Good luck. no doubt the results will be worthwhile!

 

R

[IanAlderman]

Maybe, you could take the song and make it into 3 songs- make it a trilogy based on something and use the lyrics at hand. With enough work on meter and rhyme, it could really have potential,

[myredshoes]

I like it as one piece. Maybe you could insert instrumental sections and changes to keep it rolling musically...

 

It depends on how much you like it and can invest in it.

 

I did a long piece I called extinction spike last winter.

Mine was so ungainly and self-indulgent that I gave it up even though I liked the concept. I think I liked the idea too much, and I think I wasn't saying a whole lot of interest (to anyone but myself) in the work itself.

 

Have you considered a severe distillation of what the content means to you?

 

I haven't seen extinction spike in a while but I know it's still around the house and I could probably deliver the relevant content in under a minute today. If I cared to. Which I don't.

[Cripes]

Thanks folks. *Gasp*...3 songs?! Masochism.

 

I think the message behind the words is just a bitch about getting away from whatever the reality of life meant to me at the time. Reality is in a constant state of flux and relative to much I don't know or understand or care about. So, the bitch doesn't carry the universal weight I thought it did, in retrospect. Even rants become passe, I suppose.

 

Still, like some mention it could be spared the circular file by cutting up and developing of the pieces. I didn't look at it that way. Thanks.

[Sentry68]

I like it as one piece too. It's Jack Kerouac's version of America the Beautiful (whaaaat??). I wanted to snap my fingers in applause after reading it.

 

I don't think you can read this lyrically- the lines have to flow one into the next to get to where it's going. Standing alone some of them would be nonsensical, but when I read it like the free verse poem it is, it's excellent. You could cannibalize it to write a few good songs, but why? Let it live, man!