Members IanAlderman Posted September 18, 2008 Members Share Posted September 18, 2008 I was with youFrom the beginningShowed love unconditionalHow did we get this way?I want to be forever youngBut it's such a waste You are the rapist And I am the victimThey heard me pleadingBut they never did comeThere are two in hereOnly one will leaveIt'll be you Because you are killing me You disown meTell me never come backYou never did love meAlways loved to stab my backYou wash my bloodFrom your blood stained handsI always loved youHope you understand You are the rapist And I am the victimThey heard me pleadingBut they never did comeThere are two in hereOnly one will leaveIt'll be you Because you just killed me That's what I've got so far. No music, just seeing what can improve here. Once again, I appreciate your time for reading this and any feedback you have, both good and bad. Kind regards,Ian Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted September 19, 2008 Members Share Posted September 19, 2008 Reads a little like a rap...not bad but not that good unless the music production brought it together...good rap and melody would sound right to me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members myredshoes Posted September 19, 2008 Members Share Posted September 19, 2008 Can I do don't like/like? don't like: unconditional. or any 5 syllable word. you are the rapist I am the victim. my reasons for disliking this are social/political. Disregard me on this point.you wash my blood from your blood stained hands. I would replace the second blood with another descriptive term. I would say "love stained hands". Or "wash the love". But I am perverse. Still don't like the blood twice in such quick succession. like:I was with you from the beginning. Like that it begins with a beginning.there are two in hereonly one will leaveit will be you because you are killing me. This is so good. Few words, lots said, visual/physical. don't understand:they heard me pleadingbut they never did come. don't quite get it in this context, the sudden referencing of these other entities, but I'm sure it makes sense to you. Being understood is not a goal I often set for myself; I am usually pretty much involved in creating emotional landscapes out of personal material, and most of what I do is remove information. So the incongruity in these two lines is only that "they" are suddenly referenced in this work, and I'm not sure there's room or need in this work for these others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted September 19, 2008 Members Share Posted September 19, 2008 Rape meRape me, my friendRape meRape me again I'm not the only one Hate meDo it and do it againWaste meRape me, my friend I'm not the only one Nirvana, Rape Me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members myredshoes Posted September 19, 2008 Members Share Posted September 19, 2008 Rape meRape me, my friendRape meRape me againI'm not the only oneHate meDo it and do it againWaste meRape me, my friendI'm not the only oneNirvana, Rape Me I'm not sure what this Nirvana lyric might be saying to us about Ian's verse. Do you think they are too similar? I was having trouble with the rape because I am only willing to read it literally; I have a disagreement with rape used as a figurative device. I read it figuratively at first because of the relationship context that was given.Reading it figuratively I dismissed it. Read literally, the third time through; it's a very tough song. At that point I don't know how much I am reading and how much I am reading into the piece. It's easier to like read literally, just very hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MisfitKay138 Posted September 20, 2008 Members Share Posted September 20, 2008 I'm not sure what this Nirvana lyric might be saying to us about Ian's verse. Do you think they are too similar?I was having trouble with the rape because I am only willing to read it literally; I have a disagreement with rape used as a figurative device. I read it figuratively at first because of the relationship context that was given.Reading it figuratively I dismissed it.Read literally, the third time through; it's a very tough song.At that point I don't know how much I am reading and how much I am reading into the piece.It's easier to like read literally, just very hard. literally or figuratively, its still a strong view, rape is essentially the stripping away part of one's self and i think its a good expression for strong lyrics. i like these lyrics, but im also a little unclear on it myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eclepto Funk Posted September 20, 2008 Members Share Posted September 20, 2008 i have issues with the use of rape as a metaphor unless used (as in the Nirvana lyrics) with the brutality which the word implies ... and i feel a lot more comfortable when it's coming from a female artist (comfortable in the sense that it isn't being misused; i still can't get through Tori Amos's "Me and a Gun" without having to turn it off -- it's just that powerful) to use "rape" as a metaphor for "i feel you've done me wrong" is total crap and a cheapening of the word and the metaphor unfortunately, the song at issue is so weak lyrically, that the use of the word rape seems (to me) just theatrics, someone using a word they don't really understand the full significance of or to put it another way, there are several cliches in the song, and rape just seems like one more cliche thrown out there without any real meaning for the writer my .02 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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