Songwriting Challenge 15 - You or U - The Reveal

[rsadasiv]

Write a song in which the lyric contains the word "you" or in which the first letter of the title is u.

 

All I Need Is You - tspit74

 

Fire Island - rsadasiv

 

Six AM After the End of the War - Eclepto Funk

 

You Need Somebody - Chicken Monkey

 

You're Too Ubiquitous (Heavy Version) - eeglug

 

You're Too Ubiquitous (Lite Version) - eeglug

 

What About You - Sentry68

 

Presence - boydog

 

Thanks to everyone who participated, and if I forgot anyone, send me a PM and I will update this post.

[Chicken Monkey]

All I Want is You--It's a little muddy--are the vocals double tracked? I can't quite figure out what's going on there. This sounds like 80s movie soundtrack New Wave, as much as that can be a good thing. The chorus is really strong in a throwback-cheesy way. Maybe a minute too long; it could have faded on the way into the guitar solo.

 

Fire Island isn't loading at the moment.

 

6 am--the overdubbing is starting to sound a lot more natural. This doesn't seem to have a chorus, and the lyrics aren't clear enough/narrative isn't strong enough to sustain interest. I'm a sucker for the tambourine--if that had come in 20 seconds earlier, it might have kept me into it. It's those little changes that makes the difference between dull and listenable. Are the lyrics available? That might make this one a lot more interesting.

 

You Need Somebody--I wanted to make this a dumb pop-soul cracker, but I'm not quite there yet. I wouldn't have called it "done" if it weren't for the deadline.

 

I've got to serve dinner. I'll come back to these.

[eeglug]

All I Need Is You - a real smoochy drippy superslick love song. Interesting to use low harmony/octave vocals. Very well crafted. Lots of fun to listen to.

 

Fire Island - Some of the rhythm here is a bit chaotic at the beginning. The lead guitar reminds me of early Roxy Music Phil Manzanera and that's a good thing in my book. I really dig how much you're rocking out on this. I'm not sure I like how you've arranged the "over babylon" phrases. You're underplaying the harmony/chords here making it hard to 'read'. I love the "la-la, To Fire Island" section. Lots of good fun in this track.

 

Six AM After the End of the War - This song moves at a kind of stately pace befitting the end of a war. I would've liked to hear a bridge to take the song in a different direction. Nice work.

 

You Need Somebody - it's a bit too much of a formulaic Soul Champions number for me. If you did it with a good cooking band live on stage, I'd probably love it. You say you're not done so I'd like to hear how you change it.

 

What About You - Sounds pretty good...nice voice and confident production. Some of the lyrics seem a little cliche but maybe I'm missing some deeper meaning in there. The style of this song isn't really up my alley so I'm at a loss to add further comments - but good work.

[Eclepto Funk]

All I Need is You: this is more like Brian Wilson meets Phil Spector =). i can see this song holding its own to "Kokomo" any day, and that ain't half bad. the melody does interesting things and the harmonies are lovely. a very charming song.

 

Fire Island: the word play in this song is amazing ... and the guitar is just full of drive ... the "ooh la la la ooh's" are priceless ... i would try to work them in earlier? perhaps start the song with them? they're just so good it's a shame they're so brief. this is definitely one of your best efforts.

 

You Need Somebody: compelling beginning rhythmically which turns very nicely into the "you need somebody" repeats. some of the lines/rhymes seemed a little expected. i love the turn into "what you gonna do..." for more effect, i would try to change the background tracking to that bridge ... make it stand out more. very nice.

 

You're too ubiquitous: wow! very nice. i love this song. in the "heavy" version, i think the sparse chorus would work very, very well if it built more to a real crescendo, an almost screamed "ubiquitous" with totally heavy backing, rather than your approach to tone it down on that word. a very fun version.

 

i prefer the "light" mix probably because there's so much more contrast between verse and chorus, but i'd still try to climax on ubiquitous. very, very nice. this version is a keeper for me.

 

What About You: my god, what a presence this song has ... it just comes down, here i am. despite the hints of Skinnard and "Knocking on Heaven's Door" the song develops into a very nice and full melody which turns so very nicely right before the solo. the sound here is rich and deep, very, very nice.

[rsadasiv]

I'm having a hard time figuring out what to write. I love both versions of Ubiquitous and I enjoyed the classic rock stylings of "What About You". I thought that both "All I Need Is You" and "You Need Somebody" were both somewhat underwritten, although in different directions.

 

I'll try again tomorrow - distracted right now.

[Sentry68]

All I Need is You- Are you using a harmonizer? A couple vocal pitches sound a little electronic here and there. I think it's a little too light on the bass and drums- it could stand to come up to the front a little more which would give it a bit more of the pop bouncy drive. The construction is excellent for the style, all the pieces are there. I love the guitar tone in the solo and the lead vox sounds very good. I think it could use a little cleanup, but I like it a lot.

 

Fire Island- this is a totally unavoidable groove. The guitar almost crosses the line into chaos here and there, but then deftly pulls back. I dig the whammy and the bends a lot. It's a very kitschy beach tune, just doin' it's own thing. Everything works so well together it's easy to miss just how much is actually going on and how much went into it. Great production on this too, it's A1.

 

6AM- Love the title on this one. It's got a great swaying feeling, almost morning-after, half-drunk, and bleary-eyed. The lyrics seem a little more black than blue, and maybe vague enough to take the title literally OR metaphorically- I get a story of someone switching focus between devastation present in front of them to a far away loved one, which is very interesting. I also see it could be after a big fight with a loved one instead, but it wouldn't make as much sense to me that way. I like it.

 

You Need Somebody- This sounds very east-coast rock to me (whatever that means). Some cross between Michael McDonald and Billy Joel. That's not to say I don't like it, I do. It's very catchy radio rock. It does sound unfinished, there's a flat note or two, and it needs a little more fill and of course a good 'ooh la la la' female backup trio. I think this might pick up some good energy if it were a few bpm faster. Good tune.

 

Ubiquitous- The word alone is one I wouldn't try to write in a song on a dare, but you pulled it off pretty well. The lyrics are cohesive, it's got a good post-punk sound, maybe a little Green Day in it. I think I dig the heavy version a little bit more- in fact I think it could be even more raucous and dynamic.

 

What About You- Don't try to read too much into the lyrics. It's loosely about love with a little distrust... kind of gun-shy on both parts. It's not really finished, but it's a great tune for knocking back a couple beers and singing too loudly. I only sang and played harp on this one, my buddy Tbone did the rest, including the mix.

 

Thanks to all for the critiques, it was fun to get a song ready for the challenge.

[tbry]

Tspit74......Great work...like the background vocals and haromny vocals...good production...nice pop/rock sound and production

 

rsadasiv......good production...rocking guitar...sounded like a B3 Hammond organ goin on too...nice african/carribe groove near the end...

 

Funk......Love it...That had style!!...good playing and singing...

 

Chicken......Good song..well done...good recording and singing...I need somebody!!

 

eelug...good stuff...Nice bass line and drum...like the lyric...ubiquitous...never heard that used in a song...you did it good man...good job!!...(lite version)

 

Sentry......you know what your doing...I can tell...Really,really good!!...lyric and music beautifully matched...I think I like...outstanding...

 

All these were very good...no BS...very good...I would be proud if I could do this good!!

[Tbone Deluxe]

Hello everyone,

 

This is my first post and I'd like to introduce myself . Sentry68 and I have been friends for many years and we get together as often as "life" permits to decompress from it all and enjoy playing some music together.

 

My passion has been recording, mixing and writing instrumentals for my own enjoyment and sanity. But Sentry68 has been pestering me for some time to get involved in this site. Put my" head on the chopping block" so to speak for the sake of improvement. So we have set a goal for ourselves to get more active in working as a song writing team and challenging one another.

 

I am sure most of his post will be from a solo writing standpoint sense he is writing a lot lately. But I am looking forward to us working together and getting some of my own random ideas into actual song form as well as his.

 

What about you - is our first post on a team writing level. I did very little on the lyric part other then the song title and a few scattered line and vocal melody option ideas. Its all new ground for me but it's a start.

 

Big thanks to Sentry68 for kicking sand in my face to get me out of the box .

 

Thanks to everyone who took the time to listen to the song. And I am listening to everyone's efforts right now and I'll return the favor and post on yours as well ASAP.

 

Take care ,

 

Tbone

[rsadasiv]

 

Fire Island - Some of the rhythm here is a bit chaotic at the beginning. The lead guitar reminds me of early Roxy Music Phil Manzanera and that's a good thing in my book.

 

 

I didn't realize it until you said this, but you are absolutely right. I thought I was ripping off "Heartbreaker" but I was really ripping off "Mother of Pearl".

 

I have updated my avatar accordingly.

[tbry]

Hello everyone,

What about you - is our first post on a team writing level. I did very little on the lyric part other then the song title and a few scattered line and vocal melody option ideas. Its all new ground for me but it's a start

 

From what I listened to you guys should be a great team...I don't know what others heard but for me I could tell you guys have experience...good team work... good luck!!

[rsadasiv]

All I Need Is You - Good pop song - everything is where it's supposed to be. Vocal doubles aren't completely tight. The chord progression is servicable but not super compelling. It's structured just like a pop song but it doesn't really have a hook.

 

Six AM After the End of the War - We need to hook you up with Van Morrison and get Rick Rubin to produce - I'm telling you, it would be great. This does work as a political song, but while I don't think it suffers from being abstract, I do think it suffers from being impersonal.

 

You Need Somebody - You really have a hell of a way with a vocal - nice and easy and soulful. However the accompaniment is so simple that it's almost ... not sure what the right metaphor is, I've tried brain damaging, brain damaged, simple minded, retarded, naive - none of them really capture the idea but I guess it's safe to say that the accompaniment could use some more fleshing out.

[Tbone Deluxe]

All I need is you - This one got me tapping my foot pretty quick and you have a catch hook on your hands. I can sense the wall of sound effect you are going for and you are really close. If you get the main vocal , snare ,kick and bass guitar locked in for overall dominate volume level first you'll have it .Those other layers get added and BANG ..your wall of sound.

 

Fire Island - When this started I wasn't sure what was going on. The splice edits had me distracted and I was disoriented on what I should be locking in on to settle into a groove. Maybe I was just the only one to experience this ? The groove on the vocals is great.

Once the bridge hit, all that was confusing before made sense. I love the guitar work later on and it hit a home run driving the song .The lyrics are great, very cleaver word play.

 

Six AM- I really like the mellow vibe to this one. Lyrics are very good and paints a mental picture with real depth. The Second verse seems a little rushed into...I think you got some time to play with there. Maybe not a chorus but just a little breathing room before the second set of lines come in . Just an idea...I like this one a lot.

 

You Need Somebody- I like this one so far. I want to hear it once its completed. As a pop song I think you are hitting your mark. But as I listened it was forming into a Soulful R & B song with a horn section and beautiful backup singers with really ,really big.....vocal cords.

 

ubiquitous - Ok, I'll admit it ..I had to Wikipedia this title! I know Sentry68 would get a good laugh off that .But there was a great song here so it was well worth it . I like both versions ...I'd put both on the greatest hits record. But if I had to pick I'd maybe go for the Heavy a little more. With either version, the music hooked and reeled me in first . The lyrics however on a second listen are really strong and hold their own well with the music.

 

What about you- This song reminds me of scrambling to record tracks and mixing until 3am . ha ha ...I'm way too addicted .

[Eclepto Funk]

hey all, thanks for the feedback on "Six A.M."

 

i would appreciate any comments on the singing (what i am working on the most these days). to simplify things, do you think the vocal track

 

1. is more bad than good, re-do

2. is more good than bad, but re-do

3. is pretty good and can be left as is

4. is more than pretty good

 

thanks in advance!

[Sentry68]

Funk, I'll give you somewhere between 2 and 3, mostly just because the performance could improve. I like your vocal tone and style, and it goes well with your playing. But the last one you did (Resurrection day?), I believe you posted one version in last month's challenge that I liked much better than the re-track you posted afterwards in a separate thread. I liked it because it was unpolished and more heartfelt.

 

I think your style relies heavily on performance and mood. I suggest you worry much less about slight imperfections in pitch and concentrate on the nuance and inflection. It carries a lot of emotional weight when it's good, and far outshines any minor imperfections.

 

I know how you feel about singing, I am easily disgusted with my own vocals. I did like 50 takes just to get the subpar vox for What About You. I cringe to hear myself sing sometimes.

[Eclepto Funk]

ah ... you rock in What About You ... that's an excellent vocal track, and a very nice song

 

i hear you on the emotion v. polish ... i guess i am trying to go a little bit more towards polish for now, and maybe when i go back to more emotion the polish will be better

 

thanks for the feedback

[Chicken Monkey]

Fire Island--You don't wear your influences very clearly--I hear no Rolling Stones. That's a good thing. The first half of the intro is cluttered beyond my capacity to listen, but it clears up after that. I love the piano when it comes in, but its point of entry seems a little random. I love the fakeout coda, but you need some really strong vocals to pull it off--Ooh la la la, etc. The backing track during that part is perfect, too. Is that heavy whammy bar usage I'm hearing? You totally stole my idea...

 

Six AM, part 2--this is a lot easier to listen to while I'm reading the lyrics--I love the water-color feel to your writing. I wish I could do that. The chorus needs one more "thing" added to it to stand out. Maybe a organ pad or something? I think the vocals are fine. That's what your voice sounds like, and you're faithful to the melody.

 

Ubiquitous--I'm loving the backing track on the Lite version. The lyrics (outside of the creditworthy use of a 5-dollar word) are a bit humdrum. They are kind of in the "I went to the store and I bought some bread and make a turkey sandwich" line. The vocal is a little too bored to sell them. I'm loving the whole arrangement, though, down through the harmony voice.

 

What About You--It sounds like you wanted a harmonica on this, rather than needed a harmonica. I'm really feeling the unexpected leaps in the melody on the bridge. You've nailed that rich acoustic/crunchy electric roots rock feel, and the drum programming is good, too.

 

In regards to "You Need Somebody", I might just finish this one out a bit over Christmas break. I haven't had a lot of time for recording lately, so I was just up against a deadline to get this one turned in. Ram, I was aiming for that fine line between stupid and clever, but it looks like I overshot.

[eeglug]

Eclepto Funk, rsadasiv, Sentry68, tbryson, Tbone, CM - thank you all for your comments and for taking the time to listen to 2 versions of the same song - all of your remarks are much appreciated.

 

Ram, your voice bears some similarity to Bryan Ferry's so the avatar is pretty apt.

[rsadasiv]

You're Too Ubiquitous (Heavy Version) - Drum programming sounds good - I thought the snare sound was a little boxy - maybe try a little parallel/New York style compression. Real Robyn Hitchcock/Soft Boys vibe. Bass is good. Lots of great hooks in the guitars. Good job on the vocal doubles - fit each other like a glove. That descending pedal arpeggio riff at 3:10 is one of my favorite guitar moves. Nice track!

 

You're Too Ubiquitous (Lite Version) - I like the Steve Cropper/John Lennon upstroke rhythm guitar riff, but it's not as punchy as it could be (double not quite on)? A little more treble and volume so you get a tiny bit of amp distortion right at the attack. The stereo interplay in the guitar parts around 1:30 is interesting. The downstrokes should sustain a little longer - automate a compressor just over those parts. Actually, I think a little more crunch and sustain in the guitars for the whole song would be ok. Wait a minute, I should have listened to the Heavy Version second.

 

Going back....yeah, the tone is much better on the Heavy Version, but I still like the upstroke riff - put them all together (can you tell that I have a problem with over-indulging guitar players ).

 

 

What About You - a little Oasis, a little "Knockin on Heaven's Door". I really like the vocals, I don't know what you are complaining about, you have a great voice. Chorus with the electric guitar is great. This is a much better snare sound than the one on Ubiquitous. Drums are solid all the way around. I'd kind of like a bridge, but it's still a good song and a fun listen.

 

Great job everyone. And Soundclick should be giving us some kind of kickback - every single song was hosted on Soundclick this month.

[rsadasiv]

 

hey all, thanks for the feedback on "Six A.M." i would appreciate any comments on the singing (what i am working on the most these days). to simplify things, do you think the vocal track 1. is more bad than good, re-do 2. is more good than bad, but re-do 3. is pretty good and can be left as is 4. is more than pretty good thanks in advance!

 

 

Somewhere between 2 and 3. On the up side, this is definitely the best lead guitar I've heard from you.

[Boydog]

so how do I get in on this ,, or can I ?

The name of the song is Presence and it's on soundclick

 

 

 

 

here !

[tbry]

Your avatar is all need to see/hear right now...

[Tbone Deluxe]

Hey Eclepto Funk,

 

I thought I would comment on your post of your vocal tracks .( I should add a little disclaimer here that I avoid my voice ever being captured on any form of recording medium whatsoever) So take this as a totally subjective comment from a non-singer .

 

Your vocals are preforming on this song in my opinion. A rerecord might even bring out something even better. But I did listen to the song about 5 times today so I think I am sold on it being good work.

 

These are just a few thoughts , nothing works on every song or style so you might just give them a try, decide what YOU like and discard the turds. I'm just throwing these out as a possible way to enhance a already good performance.

 

With a mix like " what about you " with so many layers and things going on you really got to carve the crap out of everything EQ wise to make it all fit. ( if you solo'ed the majority of the tracks they would sound tinny and grossly unexciting musically) And it never fails..right when I think I got a formula and a grasp on it all, the next song comes up and ..crap !

It's back to trial and error.

 

With Your music the whole beauty of it all lies in the focus of a artist and his guitar delivering the song with minimal backup. In this case a sparse mix can have those few elements larger and filling the speakers with body.

 

So this opens up some options. While you can't go overboard with a stereo spectrum and keep a feel that seems true and authentic to your style , you sure can use it to your advantage.

 

EQ wise there are a few area's that can really set a voice back or drive it home large and up front.

 

95-150 -vocal pops/ and plosives live here so sometimes a dip is needed.But its also the low meat sweet spot of the male voice. If you have to cut here, you have another option higher up to play with for effecting low end. The 180-200 range. ..You'll just have to play around to find your sweet spot in your own voice. A little bump(180-200) can really take you from the background and set you in the listeners lap.

 

200-350- I'm usually looking at a little dip here to around 250 to take some boom out of the voice. Just explore and see what you think.

 

400-750 is referred to as the vocal honk range. a little dip here and you remove some nasal issues or sometimes even a boost on the right voice sounds tasty.

 

5K-8K is sibilance range. De-essing if needed lives here but it also seems to me to be the upper sweet spot to a voice,consonants live here too .So I think I am adding here as much as cutting it just depends on the track and voice.

 

11k-14k is that really airy breathing range that can really add at times.

 

Acoustics very in the low end sweet spot but on a spares mix with no bass 95-150 isn't unheard of leaving I wouldn't think. If bass guitar is there you'll have to cut to make room.

 

1k- 1.5k can be a boost or cut for vocal or guitar without sounding too bright.

 

3.5k -5k can really bring out the pick strumming of the guitar. Its a harsh range so a little will do.

 

These are some EQ tips I've picked up on, read about, or someone gave me a break and told me about over the years. Its not a exact science but might give you some areas to start exploring.

 

Reverbs

I am the first to admit I like reverb and use it too much. its kind of a taboo anymore with people thinking it can date a piece because its been over done and its just tired.Delay has really taken over this area in many genres. But reverb is kinda a delay too right?

 

So sense I love reverb ,I'll just live in denial and talk about it anyway.

 

I'm trying to get out of the drenching of reverb on vocals , to some mild success, but use it to help give some depth while keeping vocals up front and present. I "try" to use it to help created a room and environment verses being too obvious an FX. ( I look for anything to help sense my recording room is pretty horrible)

 

A few things you might try and see if you like is don't rely on one verb to do all the work.If you sing in a real room there are early reflections that move with the vocal performance and also some late reflections that the delay gives a sense of depth.

 

I have had a hard time with this and still struggle but one thing I've noticed is if you feed the vocal into a reverb FX buss with early reflection ( like a short plate) you can leave this in mono .So its pumping and helping drive the performance in the middle where the voice sets, suttle without being too noticeable . If you find a sweet spot here and lower it just to the point you don't notice it you are there...but when you turn it off ....you go "oh no that wont do" and turn it back on .

 

Now take a middle to long delayed refection reverb and keep it stereo( to another FX buss) . and tuck it underneath ever so slightly . you should start getting room depth forming an enviornment .

 

This can be done with both vocals and guitar feeding into the same 2 verbs. Heck, play around and use 3 or more. Just keep it suttle and you got a thickness you can't get from one reverb.

 

Now if you start hearing some sibilance from the reverb that seemed fine with the dry track, just put and EQ before the reverbs and dip the 5K- 8K range .You'll be able to use your verb a little more now without it causing so much problem.You could even boost in the air range of 11K-14K and get a real moody swirling surreal effect dancing in the verb.

 

A little dab of chorus effect and flang in stereo to feed the guitars to on a FX buss could widen the guitar just a little on the sides to leave more room in the middle for your vocal track.Lower it to the point you don't notice it anymore. You'll even gain some apparent volume of both the guitar and vocal without having to boost. And it shouldn't make either seem too processed or out of place.

 

You might not use any of this, or you might have tried and trues that you already use that leave them in the dust. Just trying to share with a fellow music lover.

 

All the best man and I'll be looking for your next upcoming song posts.

 

Tbone

[eeglug]

Ram - wow, thanks for the detailed remarks! All the guitars (both versions) are my brand new Epiphone Sheraton II. I'm still working out how to get tones out of it. Many people like swapping the pickups on Epi guitars but right now I'm stubborn about keeping it it as is.

 

The Lite version is a clean channel sound with no crunch whatsoever. The Sheraton is probably not the ideal for the kind of part it's playing but I still like it the way I have it. I was too lazy to open my Fender Strat case. I also think that brighter guitar sounds compete with my vocals in my mixes - another reason I opted for a more jazzy tone.

 

My intent on the Lite version was to really be as minimal as I could - having done the heavy version where the space is very filled out. I was thinking of early Talking Heads...I wanted the guitars to be really clipped and chopped. However, the song has a groove that potentially invites throwing in tons of soulful licks all over the place...

 

Well eventually I might experiment more with this Lite version based on your comments...

[rsadasiv]

Great post Tbone.

[tspit74]

Fire Island - Before I listened to it, I thought you might have covered the Jay Ferguson tune from 1978. This is cool and really has that Stranded-era Roxy Music vibe. Probably my favorite song of yours. I wasn't expecting this at all. Very cool.

 

Six AM After the War - This is really good too. I like the Americana/late period Dylan vibe.

 

You Need Somebody - Musically and melodically this is very sound. However, I can't help but think that it's missing an angle. It needs a clever perspective. Seeing as it has a bit of a Randy Newman feel to it, I'd suggest being more specific and descriptive and funny. If I wrote this one, I'd make a list of less than admirable character traits that the singer might have and juxtapose them against really admirable and pure traits that the woman has. Almost like she's so pure and sweet that she could benefit from rolling around with an unscrupulous pig for awhile. Bring her down to earth and make her real. A great start. Just needs to be a little more compelling and personalized.

 

Ubiquitous - I must confess that I don't know what the word means. But the song is catchy. I think I like the heavy version better. I don't have any suggestions. It's a solid song and fully realized. Good job.

 

What About You - This sounds really professional. Definitely has that "Knockin' on Heaven's Door" thing happening. I like it.

 

As for my song, All I Need is You, I don't really rank this song very highly. It was an experiment. I jumped in my car one morning and the chorus popped into my head. I thought it sounded kind of Outfield-ish. After kicking the the song around in my head at work, I figured I'd combine it with a Phil Spector approach for the hell of it. So that's what it is: The Outfield produced by Phil Spector. I find the song a bit too lightweight. I may be able to rape the intsrumental theme and put it in something else. Too be honest, I didn't have time to do something fresh this month and looked around at the last minute. This was the closest thing I had in the bag that fit the challenge criteria. It's not a song I would put on a cd (if I was making a cd). Just a fun experiment I did one night.