Members Beakybird Posted February 1, 2009 Members Share Posted February 1, 2009 I am a professional musician who has decided to make a departure and to become a professional songwriter, but I have never tested these songs on the wider public. I would be so grateful for opinions: www.myspace.com/larrylevin This looks like a great forum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Beakybird Posted February 1, 2009 Author Members Share Posted February 1, 2009 I'm sorry. I put down the wrong url. Beakybird Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted February 1, 2009 Members Share Posted February 1, 2009 Welcome to the Songwriting Forum. The basic mission of the forum is the discussion of the art and craft of songwriting and offering assistance with feedback and constructive criticism on new songs and other works in progress. Of course, giving thoughtful comment requires some time and energy. Like so much in life -- what you get out of it will likely depend on what you put in... I hope you'll share your insight with others when they're looking for critiques -- it's a great way to let people get to know you. And the more that people know you as someone who is willing to help out, the more eager they'll be to help you when you're looking for some good ol' constructive crit. blue2blue moderator, songwriting forum _____________________ I listened to the amusingly titled "I Want to Scuba Dive into Your Eyes." I don't normally give extended comments on lyrics unless they're posted somewhere (too easy to get them wrong and easier to get a grip on all the issues from a lyric sheet) but these are fairly easy to hear. The title phrase is so loaded... it seems to push this song, inexorably, into 10cc territory. Not a bad place to be, they managed to make it all work with their big hit (the one with the line about how the absent lover's portrait on the wall "hides a nasty stain just being there")... but it's tough to walk that tightrope between humor and bathos. And an outright funny idea like scuba diving in someone's eyes with its play off so many other songs about diving/swimming/falling/drowning/etc into someone's eyes is hard to get past on the way to genuine emotion. I suspect that will work for some but be a challenge for others. Clearly you've pored a lot of production work into this (right down to 10cc like vocal beds that oozed in after I'd written my reference to 10cc) and I suspect you're probably not inclined to rewriting at this point. Feedback on songs is probably best during the early stages before things get written in stone. Another thing: there's no rule about it, or anything, but, in general, I think folks have found it best to ask for feedback on one song at a time, since it means the feedback is more focused and one has a better chance of getting multiple, overlapping viewpoints that will help give different perspectives on the song. Anyhow, an interesting, amusing, ultimately charming song with a healthy dose of pop irony that echoes past masters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Taylor Davis Posted February 1, 2009 Members Share Posted February 1, 2009 Hey I gave a listen and I liked all I heard. you really are a pro!excellent production values.Who mixed these tunes? WHO DID WHAT? VOCALS, GUITARS ECT... the third song ain't as listenable to my ears but I really like the ELO/beatlesque type harmonies.I liked your use of hippie type phrases in the lyrics. very sixties. very imaginative and colorful. your vocals could be stronger on a couple of tunes yet your overall performance is killer. great songwriter skills. you know what you're doing. you remind me of somebody. can't quite put my fanger on it. I asked for an add. thanks for lettin me share. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members popthree Posted February 1, 2009 Members Share Posted February 1, 2009 scuba dive, into eyes... 'll start by saying its not my type of music.....however, i think it is a strong song. i think the right artist would buy that song, record it and make a hit of it. its got a quirky, funny thing about it...and its got a lot of pop appeal. the one part that doesn't jive, IMO, is the bridge. it sounds too formulaic...it doesn't work for me...of course, i'm terrible at writing bridges so take that comment with a grain of salt. if you are a pro musician you probably have the ear of someone who can do something with this tune. good luck and good fortune. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Beakybird Posted February 1, 2009 Author Members Share Posted February 1, 2009 Thank you much blue2blue. I will give a listen to some of the songwriters and leave feedback. You're comments are apropos. I think I wrote a great song, hopefully it's not too dated to be a hit. The second song is extremely Beatlesque. Perhaps too Beatlesque for anyone to want to cover it. That would be a shame, because it is such a happy, sweet song. With the third song, it's frustrating. I put a lot of work into it, and I thought that I had a really amazing hook, but something got lost between my heart and other people's ears. As I said, I'm a professional musician - doing the senior circuit in Chicago. I play an arranger keyboard and sing oldies. The arranger keyboard is a great tool for laying down song ideas. It lays down a basic accompaniment. I started out with the chord progression of the song done on the arranger. With Scuba Dive, all I liked was the bass and drum parts. I added digital piano, nylon guitar and some distorted guitar from my keyboard. Then I did the solo with my electric guitar using an amplifier plugin. I used a TC Helicon Harmony M for the harmonies that were out of my range. It was hard working with the device. I was having midi problems and my voice isn't always perfectly in tune. I think if I had a great voice, I could have done these songs myself. For Sweet Purple Dream, I liked all of the arranger parts. I only took out one track, and I gave some movement to the bass. Then I did the singing and the harmonies. I have some great chord ideas. I would love to find a killer lyricist who can get my songs out of the love rut. I have several great non-love songs that I'll post someday, but I write too many sappy songs. Popthree, what I like about the bridge on my song is that it ends in a solo that is a 5th up from the verse, and the solo goes into the verse in the original key. Again, thanks. Larry Levin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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