My first new song in a month

[jaybunting]

I kind of suffered from a creative drought for a while there but this song just kind of came to my head yesterday. Pretty simple, and a lot my lighthearted than usual, but hopefully it's musically and lyrically engaging enough to hold an audience's attention. Please let me know! All comments/criticisms are appreciated. Thanks.

 

"The Time I Need"

[YOUTUBE]xSTv9n3qMD0[/YOUTUBE]

 

http://www.myspace.com/jaybunting

 

 

Lyrics:

Will I work real hard only to grovel?

Will I try to write the Great American Novel?

Will I stay in school then quit in a panic?

Will I buy a garage, become a car mechanic?

Who knows how it goes

But I'm starting to doubt that I can figure it out

"That's life," I sigh

I only hope it's not like jumping rope

Will I join the corps fight in 70 wars

Be elected president and start 70 more

Will I be a shrink charge 90 an hour

Be a physicist discover oxygen power

I try to decide

But I get nowhere fast I keep living in the past

No clue, it's true

So if you got a hint I'm begging you for it

 

Cause I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead

I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead

I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead

I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'm leading now

Hope I get it straight before they're telling me

Way to go, you're finally caught in the middle of it all

Way to go, you finally know how it feels to be alone

Where to go? Heaven knows which way the wind'll blow

Only heaven knows which way the river flows

 

Will I buy a bar and drink all the liquor

Will I buy another and only gets sicker

Will I move west keep playing the guitar

Will I buy 20 houses smoke Cuban cigars

We'll see how it'll be

But if you don't reach for something then you'll wind up with nothing

Might be just a dream

But a life of reality has only been killing me

Will I keep on dreaming and hope for the best

Will I give it all up and and just settle for the rest

And I can't understand

I've got the world at my feet but I'm stuck in my seat

But I won't sit and mope

Gotta get out of bed keep moving right on ahead

 

Cause I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead

I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead

I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead

I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'm leading now

Hope I get it straight before they're telling me

Way to go, you're finally caught in the middle of it all

Way to go, you finally know how it feels to be alone

Where to go? Heaven knows which way the wind'll blow

Only heaven knows which way the river flows

[Beakybird]

You're very witty with words. A lot of this is very funny.

 

I found the guitar strum monotonous and the music, not so hot. Especially found the chorus repetitive.

 

I would weed out a few of the words, learn a few variations on the strum, maybe slow it down a tad.

 

Lyrically, it seems like you hit upon a great theme of angst that is shared by a lot of people coming of age or graduating. This is good.

 

You are so talented with words, so don't let me discourage you, but do make your strumming more interesting, especially when you are repeating the same chords.

 

Beakybird

[speierg]

I have to agree with Beakybird on this. Let me emphasize though, that I thought the verses were quite strong...there may have been a few lines that could be reworked just a touch so it doesn't sound like you're trying to cram extra words into them, but overall, I REALLY liked the verses....in fact, I would say that the verses of this song are probably the best stuff I have heard from you.

 

The chorus is where I felt the song was weak....but perhaps you can kill two birds with one stone here...if you rewrite the chorus you could (a) change up the chord progression and strumming pattern and (b) make the chord lyrics a bit less repetitive.

 

In my opinion, this song could also use a short bridge to bring in one more different element to keep the listener engaged.

 

I would encourage you to keep working on this one. It has some really great potential if you can get the chorus/repetition/add a bridge stuff all worked out. Great beginning!

[tspit74]

I've got to agree with the others about the strumming. The same chords at the same volume throughout the duration can get fatiguing.

 

I think the words are great.

 

It could maybe use a bridge with very different chords, no strumming, different feel. A song within a song type of bridge.

 

However, with a band, you could do a lot with arrangement to keep those same chords interesting. Excellent job nonetheless.

[kurdy]

 

However, with a band, you could do a lot with arrangement to keep those same chords interesting. Excellent job nonetheless.

 

 

I agree with this.

 

I've commented on one of your other songs before, and I think I said something similar. The way you performed it makes it sound a bit repetitive, but with the right musical arrangement, you may not have do very much, if any rewriting at all. This one kinda reminds me a little of the Barenaked Ladies.

 

I hear a big chorus of voices coming in during the chorus. Perhaps singing the first line of the chorus, "I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead" on your own the first time, and then keep adding a new layer of voices or harmonies each time that line repeats. I think it would add a real "sing along" quality to the song that would be very appealing.

 

I think you could also give a similar treatment to that little "scat" vocal section at the end.

 

I think this song definitely has a lot of potential. Nice work.

[jaybunting]

Thanks guys. Yeah, I agree that it kind of get monotonous. I'll record a full band version and see if that helps anyway, otherwise a slight rewrite is in order.

[AceCAdams]

Lyrics: Will I work real hard only to grovel? Will I try to write the Great American Novel? Will I stay in school then quit in a panic? Will I buy a garage, become a car mechanic? Who knows how it goes But I'm starting to doubt that I can figure it out "That's life," I sigh I only hope it's not like jumping rope Will I join the corps fight in 70 wars Be elected president and start 70 more Will I be a shrink charge 90 an hour Be a physicist discover oxygen power I try to decide But I get nowhere fast I keep living in the past No clue, it's true So if you got a hint I'm begging you for it Cause I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'm leading now Hope I get it straight before they're telling me Way to go, you're finally caught in the middle of it all Way to go, you finally know how it feels to be alone Where to go? Heaven knows which way the wind'll blow Only heaven knows which way the river flows Will I buy a bar and drink all the liquor Will I buy another and only gets sicker Will I move west keep playing the guitar Will I buy 20 houses smoke Cuban cigars We'll see how it'll be But if you don't reach for something then you'll wind up with nothing Might be just a dream But a life of reality has only been killing me Will I keep on dreaming and hope for the best Will I give it all up and and just settle for the rest And I can't understand I've got the world at my feet but I'm stuck in my seat But I won't sit and mope Gotta get out of bed keep moving right on ahead Cause I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'm leading now Hope I get it straight before they're telling me Way to go, you're finally caught in the middle of it all Way to go, you finally know how it feels to be alone Where to go? Heaven knows which way the wind'll blow Only heaven knows which way the river flows

 

excellent guitar intro, awesome guitar skills, especially for an

acoustic.

Will I work real hard only to grovel?

Will I try to write the Great American Novel?

Will I stay in school then quit in a panic?

Will I buy a garage, become a car mechanic?

Who knows how it goes

 

excellent intro lyrics.

 

But I'm starting to doubt that I can figure it out

"That's life," I sigh

I only hope it's not like jumping rope

Will I join the corps fight in 70 wars

Be elected president and start 70 more

Will I be a shrink charge 90 an hour

Be a physicist discover oxygen power

I try to decide

 

oxygen power, very funny, seeing as you need it to live and as a human

race, sometimes we fail to see this. very aggressive for an acoustic

song. excellent.

 

now to the best part of the song, your finish, and the penultimate.

 

Will I buy a bar and drink all the liquor

Will I buy another and only gets sicker

Will I move west keep playing the guitar

Will I buy 20 houses smoke Cuban cigars

--

very agressive and hard hitting, yet again for an acoustic song, you

have used the mastery of language to make a point, instead of

electrical trickery and guitar licks.

 

We'll see how it'll be

But if you don't reach for something then you'll wind up with nothing

Might be just a dream

But a life of reality has only been killing me

Will I keep on dreaming and hope for the best

Will I give it all up and and just settle for the rest

And I can't understand

I've got the world at my feet but I'm stuck in my seat

But I won't sit and mope

Gotta get out of bed keep moving right on ahead

--

second line is true, reach for something we all need something, a

partener, life, freedom? To be you even if it is a FREAK?... ...

 

Cause I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead

***

I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead

I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead

I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'm leading now

***

Hope I get it straight before they're telling me

Way to go, you're finally caught in the middle of it all

Way to go, you finally know how it feels to be alone

Where to go? Heaven knows which way the wind'll blow

Only heaven knows which way the river flows

 

FINALLY... You talk of heaven. Excellent finish.[/font]

[micmike]

All this feedback is great. I agree with all of it (after skimming).

Man monotonous as anything. You're a bit pitchy.

But you have a great low timbre to your voice, work it.

[blue2blue]

http://www.myspace.com/jaybunting Lyrics: Will I work real hard only to grovel? Will I try to write the Great American Novel? Will I stay in school then quit in a panic? Will I buy a garage, become a car mechanic? Who knows how it goes But I'm starting to doubt that I can figure it out "That's life," I sigh I only hope it's not like jumping rope Will I join the corps fight in 70 wars Be elected president and start 70 more Will I be a shrink charge 90 an hour Be a physicist discover oxygen power I try to decide But I get nowhere fast I keep living in the past No clue, it's true So if you got a hint I'm begging you for it Cause I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'm leading now Hope I get it straight before they're telling me Way to go, you're finally caught in the middle of it all Way to go, you finally know how it feels to be alone Where to go? Heaven knows which way the wind'll blow Only heaven knows which way the river flows Will I buy a bar and drink all the liquor Will I buy another and only gets sicker Will I move west keep playing the guitar Will I buy 20 houses smoke Cuban cigars We'll see how it'll be But if you don't reach for something then you'll wind up with nothing Might be just a dream But a life of reality has only been killing me Will I keep on dreaming and hope for the best Will I give it all up and and just settle for the rest And I can't understand I've got the world at my feet but I'm stuck in my seat But I won't sit and mope Gotta get out of bed keep moving right on ahead Cause I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'll lead I ain't got the time I need to figure out the life I'm leading now Hope I get it straight before they're telling me Way to go, you're finally caught in the middle of it all Way to go, you finally know how it feels to be alone Where to go? Heaven knows which way the wind'll blow Only heaven knows which way the river flows

 

I'm liking this quite a bit. I like the way you've handled the typically tricky aspects of all that rhyming, it has a nice, jumpy flow that works -- and chews through all those words with admirable dispatch.

 

One concern, I feel like there's just a little too much repetition of that one line in the chorus.

 

Also, get that damn pop screen out of the way and let the l'il gals see your face. You ain't gonna be young and pretty forever, bro. Make hay while the sun shines.