Members Reverb728 Posted June 9, 2009 Members Share Posted June 9, 2009 Girls hipbones are glorious pieces of work am I right? Anyone want to critique this song? www.soundclick.com/reverb728 Hipbones: I'm your king today You'd better do as I say Whats been bothering you Whos the man that you'll choose I wanna gouge your eyes I wanna break your spine I will get rid of you I will get rid of you THose hip bones I wanna gouge your eyes I wanna break your spine I am in love with you I am in love with you THose hip bones If the weather is rough You'd better suck it up What's been bothering you Whos the man that you'll choose Chorus x 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted June 9, 2009 Members Share Posted June 9, 2009 So... what is it you're trying to say here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Reverb728 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Members Share Posted June 9, 2009 So... what is it you're trying to say here? I don't even really know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted June 10, 2009 Members Share Posted June 10, 2009 Uh huh. Interesting. How long have you been writing songs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Reverb728 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Members Share Posted June 10, 2009 Uh huh. Interesting.How long have you been writing songs? About a year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Nick* Posted June 10, 2009 Members Share Posted June 10, 2009 That sounds like some serious pain you are looking to inflict Some very weird-dark lyrics. But it's actually not a bad tune. Something about the line "those hip bones" just doesn't work for me though. Melodically it works in the song, but lyrically I just don't really get it. It leaves me a bit puzzled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Reverb728 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Members Share Posted June 10, 2009 That sounds like some serious pain you are looking to inflict Some very weird-dark lyrics. But it's actually not a bad tune. Something about the line "those hip bones" just doesn't work for me though. Melodically it works in the song, but lyrically I just don't really get it. It leaves me a bit puzzled. Heh, I'm actually not wanting to inflict any pain, on anyone. I just wanted to write something that sounded a bit acidic. Sorry the hipbones part dosen't work for you, but that part is there to stay, it's kind of personal, and it's what I wrote the song around. Maybe puzzled is a good thing? lol. I appreciate it man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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