Members gubu Posted July 30, 2009 Members Share Posted July 30, 2009 Please tell me what ye think. The band I'm in are gonna try and do a version............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted July 30, 2009 Members Share Posted July 30, 2009 Welcome to the Songwriting Forum. The basic mission of the forum is the discussion of the art and craft of songwriting and offering assistance with feedback and constructive criticism on new songs and other works in progress. Of course, giving thoughtful comment requires some time and energy. Like so much in life -- what you get out of it will likely depend on what you put in... I hope you'll share your insight with others when they're looking for critiques -- it's a great way to let people get to know you. And the more that people know you as someone who is willing to help out, the more eager they'll be to help you when you're looking for some good ol' constructive crit. blue2blue moderator, songwriting forum SW Forum Guidelines and Resources ________________ Hey, gubu -- I think you forgot the link to the song... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members gubu Posted July 30, 2009 Author Members Share Posted July 30, 2009 Welcome to the Songwriting Forum. The basic mission of the forum is the discussion of the art and craft of songwriting and offering assistance with feedback and constructive criticism on new songs and other works in progress. Of course, giving thoughtful comment requires some time and energy. Like so much in life -- what you get out of it will likely depend on what you put in... I hope you'll share your insight with others when they're looking for critiques -- it's a great way to let people get to know you. And the more that people know you as someone who is willing to help out, the more eager they'll be to help you when you're looking for some good ol' constructive crit. blue2blue moderator, songwriting forum SW Forum Guidelines and Resources ________________ Hey, gubu -- I think you forgot the link to the song... Thanks, I'll try not to cause any trouble!! Link up soon, trying to convert the mp3 down to 128kbps so I can attach.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members gubu Posted July 30, 2009 Author Members Share Posted July 30, 2009 Link up^^^^^^^^^^^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted July 30, 2009 Members Share Posted July 30, 2009 Got it! This has a fine, classic early 60s folk song vibe, right down to the gospel-ish archetypal elements. I don't normally go too far to giving lyric feedback unless they're posted but in this case, even my old ears were able to make out the lyrics clearly (although my old brain still likes to see the lyrics all laid out which may not be the best way to approach a song as a normal listener [depending] but really helps in lyric critiquing and getting a quick grasp on things). Anyhow, this felt and sounded really cool, I liked the imagery and wording, but I kind of felt like I wanted more... maybe a little more development... we have hints at a bigger story, the wild-eyed shepard, the six deal-cutting devils, but I want more story... the last bit kind of makes a gesture at tying it together but... I'm thinking two more verses. (And, ask around, me asking for a longer song is not something you'll hear very often, at all. ) A great start and a great, classic feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eclepto Funk Posted July 31, 2009 Members Share Posted July 31, 2009 i like the feel of the song a lot, the melody, your voice, all very nice it does sound like a beginning though, both musically and lyrically ... i kept waiting for the song to explode and take me somewhere Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members gubu Posted July 31, 2009 Author Members Share Posted July 31, 2009 Thanks guys. I was hoping when we record a band version that we can give it that extra development through a lead break but maybe it does need something else, a middle 8 maybe? Anyhoo, blue2blue asked for lyrics so here ya go:- I met this shepherd in the night on a dark mountain road,He turned around to face the light, his eyes were burned out cold,And he said, 'brother will you tell me, have you seen my flock?'And I said 'yes I seen them back that way - down in the valley.' I met 6 devils that same night, further along the road,All clothed with fires burning bright, with cloven feet and more, And they said, 'stranger here's the world for you, sign upon this line.'And I said 'keep on burning, try your luck - down in the valley.' I met 9 sisters later on about a mile from home,With masks and garlands, starry globes, their voices softly rose,And all around me danced their question - 'what's the word along the road?'I said 'there's trouble brewing back that way - down in the valley.' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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