Totally Not Commercial, But Do You Think...

[Writer]

I'm sure everyone here has had a song just pour out of them that you felt you just had to write at one time or another.

 

Well, that just now happened to me. I was thinking about my father, who has been gone for several years. I am one of the youngest kids in the family and my parents were older when I came onto the scene. My father was a member of what I've heard called the "Greatest Generation". Well, I don't know about the entire generation, but I think he was pretty damn great!

 

So, this song...which is a true story...just came out.

 

Do you think these lyrics could be re-worked to actually be considered for recording? It seems too long to me...not to the point enough for recording.

 

I'd love to tell the world about my daddy.

 

Here it is:

 

(V1)

My daddy was just fifteen years old

But the mines turned him into a man

When they took his father away from him

And left him alone to stand

In his shoes

He did what he had to do

To take care of the family

In his father's shoes

For two years he headed out every day

And went into the earth's belly

 

(V2)

Now, some men can go into the ground

For years without giving it a thought

But daddy couldn't stand it anymore

Down there with his father's ghost

So in his shoes

He walked into the town

And signed his name on the line

In his father's shoes

He took a solemn oath before God

He'd defend with his very life

 

(Bridge)

He turned eighteen years old

On a ship headed out to Pearl Harbor

He was wishing he was home in the mountains

Looking out for his mother

He was sorely missing them all

But he knew he had to stand tall

A man has to be a man, after all

 

(V3)

He was just twenty miles from the sea

In a place that looked like paradise

He'd just barely settled into his bunk

And heard something wasn't right

Rifle in hand

And ran out to the field

And waited there to hear

What went wrong

No one there knew what they would do

But their honor overcame their fear

 

(Bridge)

 

(V4)

So many years have passed since that day

And my father hardly uttered a word

I wanted so much for him to explain

The medals that were on his shirt

Why was he quiet

Never talking about it

The story must have been grand

I'll never know

But I guess it should be that way

'Cause real heroes never let it show

 

(Bridge 2)

 

He turned eighteen years old

On a ship headed out to Pearl Harbor

But now he's gone

And I'm sitting here

Missing my dear father

I loved him most of all

But I know I have to stand tall

I have to make him proud, after all

[Stackabones]

I think this is a very sweet tribute to your Dad, but I wonder what kind of limits you've set for yourself for recording. Maybe it's the idea of commercial? I don't care if a song is one minute or ten minutes long. Hit the red button and record it. Aim for something greater than commercial.

[Writer]

I think this is a very sweet tribute to your Dad, but I wonder what kind of limits you've set for yourself for recording. Maybe it's the idea of commercial ? I don't care if a song is one minute or ten minutes long. Hit the red button and record it. Aim for something greater than commercial.

 

In this case, I was just wanting to get it out for myself. So, the song as it stands if fine for me.

 

However, I've been asked to write for a couple of people here and I would love to have my father's story told where it could be heard by many people.

 

When I write for myself, I generally don't care about the length of the song...but when it's for other people who are looking to record, I try to keep it at least somewhat shorter than Gordan Lightfoot's Wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald,.

 

I'm just not sure if this story can be told the way it is and have an appeal to someone looking to record. I'd like it to be, but I just don't know...

[Matximus]

I think this is a great story and the way it is done now could certainly be turned into a powerful and personal work. And a lot of times when someone just goes out and says what they have to say the way they have to say it - commercial conventions be damned - people tend to respond to that.

 

On the flip side, If you wanted to go with a more commercial angle, I'd consider choosing one angle that is most important to you and build a simple hook around that that. And then make some tough choices and artfully whittle down the other threads. You don't need to tell people everything about him to leave a powerful impression.

 

For me, the most moving angle was the question: What did my daddy do to earn that medal? The idea of a little girl asking that question has a lot of power. That's something I think a lot of people can relate to and has special resonance today - and commercial potential - because of all these three-time veterans coming back from Iraq and Afghanistan