Sleep song

[dbd1963]

My wife asked me to sing a lullaby to my daughter and her friend during a sleepover. I didn't know one, so I made one up on the spot. This is the (now 2nd) draft of an extended version of that song (first on list):

 

ReverbNation for dbd1963

 

If you would be so kind to render any kind of comments you like, I would appreciate your efforts.

 

Lyrics:

 

Sleep my children

sleep you well

what tomorrow brings us

only time may tell

 

Sleep, sleep a good while

until morning dawns

sleep, the moon is rising

and the sun is gone

though the light lingers on

 

Dream my children

dream you well

where your thoughts will take you

only the night can tell

 

Dream dream for a while

of things as they might be

Dream until morning

for dreaming sets you free

 

Not long until the cares of the day return

to make you grow all too fast

and leave your youth in the past

dreaming is just one little way

to make your childhood last

for you grow all too fast

 

Sleep my children

sleep till break of day

sleep, the shadows are retreating

sun is on its way

 

Dream, dream for a while

of things as they might be

dream until morning

for dreaming sets you free

free..

[dbd1963]

Thank you for the compliments! I don't think anyone has ever said I have a good voice before.. maybe it's getting better as I get older.

 

I don't think I'll ever make a real lullaby out of it. Even when I was singing it to the girls, they were laughing and I was too loud. (Of course, the lyrics I sang to them were way different, too. I was trying to get them laughing. I swear!)

 

Thanks for giving a listen.

[dbd1963]

I updated the file with some mixing changes.

 

And I also fixed a problem arising from the fact that my v-vocal does what I tell it to do, not what I want it to do..

[rockinrobby]

I'm from northern VA!

[dbd1963]

Yeah for Northern VA!!

 

Represent.

[Oswlek]

Great interaction between the two guitars in the opening and the bass lays a lovely foundation.

 

Something about the movement at the end of the falsetto "sleep" is off. I can't tell if there is a pitchy note or if I just don't like it. I like the idea of a mildly surprising moment there, but the song sets such a nice groove that I don't think you should disturb it as much as you did.

 

Nice middle 8.

 

I LOVE the mellow break after the bridge. I'm not sure if those are the same chords that I didn't like before, but that part kicks ass. I will say that when the extended "sleep" comes in again, I didn't like it yet again.

[dbd1963]

Thanks Oswlek -- yeah, those notes are Es that should be Fs. I didn't catch that the V-Vocal ironed them flat like that. The one that sounds right didn't get flattened. I'm fixing that now.

 

It used to be easier for me to catch these "just out of tune" notes, but I lost most of the hearing in my left ear, which seems to have been my reference ear. My right ear takes a while to tune into it. One reason why I can't really be a live singer now.

 

Thanks again for your comments.

[Oswlek]

 

Thanks Oswlek -- yeah, those notes are Es that should be Fs. I didn't catch that the V-Vocal ironed them flat like that. The one that sounds right didn't get flattened. I'm fixing that now. It used to be easier for me to catch these "just out of tune" notes, but I lost most of the hearing in my left ear, which seems to have been my reference ear. My right ear takes a while to tune into it. One reason why I can't really be a live singer now. Thanks again for your comments.

 

 

No problem at all, it is a terrific song. If you are doing some pitch fixing, you might want to check out the bridge.

[dbd1963]

I did check the bridge, and I hope I did the job there and elsewhere. I'll know myself in a day or so.. sigh.

 

I want my ear back.

[dbd1963]

Updated again -- sped it up a bit and took out some of the doubled vocals.

[Oswlek]

Nice job improving the vocals, sleep is a lot better as is the bridge. "Dream" still feels a bit off, and so is "one" in "one little way".

 

I actually like the slower pace better. The extended "sleep" type parts feel a bit rushed now and there were a few spots when you went for some higher notes that felt like you didn't have the breath capacity because of the faster vocal pacing.

[dbd1963]

Thanks for the input. I'm liking the faster pace right now, but I may change my mind soon enough. It seemed to drag on.. it was more than 5 mins long before, now it's just over 4.

 

I noted an acoustic guitar part that did not accept the new timing. I had used Sonar's stretch to time ability, which is pretty cool. But there's always that one last detail..

 

I will also look into the vocal bits you mentioned.

[Eclepto Funk]

i love the vocals here ... the voice has such an excellent tone to it, and you put it through its paces so well

 

love the melody. the chorus/post chorus? sounds amazing

[dbd1963]

Thank you, sir!

[dbd1963]

Did a re sing of this one, and it's probably the 2nd song on the list now. You can get there via the ReverbNation link in my sig.

[Marshal]

I'm having trouble with the whole U2 type musical tune being a lullaby. The lyrics aren't very fresh and new. But lullabies are predictable with an occasional fresh twist to show originality (and individual love). But they are always quiet and pretty, and awe-filled. Not rockin' out.

[dbd1963]

Marshal, I agree with you about the lullaby not being much of a lullaby. I'm pretty well sick of this tune at the moment, but eventually I'm actually going to turn it into a progressive rock song. And I doubt it will be about sleeping so much at that point!

[Marshal]

ha ha ha. Well keep a good spirit about it. We all live and learn. Nobody is perfect, (least of all me).

[blue2blue]

My wife asked me to sing a lullaby to my daughter and her friend during a sleepover. I didn't know one, so I made one up on the spot. This is the (now 2nd) draft of an extended version of that song (first on list): ReverbNation for dbd1963 If you would be so kind to render any kind of comments you like, I would appreciate your efforts. Lyrics: Sleep my children sleep you well what tomorrow brings us only time may tell Sleep, sleep a good while until morning dawns sleep, the moon is rising and the sun is gone though the light lingers on Dream my children dream you well where your thoughts will take you only the night can tell Dream dream for a while of things as they might be Dream until morning for dreaming sets you free Not long until the cares of the day return to make you grow all too fast and leave your youth in the past dreaming is just one little way to make your childhood last for you grow all too fast Sleep my children sleep till break of day sleep, the shadows are retreating sun is on its way Dream, dream for a while of things as they might be dream until morning for dreaming sets you free free..

 

Nicely done. The melody seems to lead your voice where it doesn't always seem prepared to go, but most times, when you first go up to that high, slightly cracked falsetto, a la Orbison, I find it really compelling. If you can become more familiar with the twists and turns you clearly have in mind in the extended melody following that part, I think it will greatly improve the performance impact.

 

I'm not sure the momentum of the piece is really geared to dropping the little ones off in the land of Nod, but it's got a nice feel, apart from that. No reason a lullaby has to be boring...