"Skinny Girl"

[Bright_Midnight]

here's our latest track, called "skinny girl", and we would appreciate any feedback that you have.

 

link: http://soundclick.com/share?songid=9291000

 

lyrics:

 

i'm poised to release

no fear to let down

if you whisper in waves

then i will heed you

scattered sound

a reflection of you

don't don a new face

i prefer it your way

 

then stepped in a lowly man

with a bitter word branded on his face

he swept her up with gifts and deeds

until it was commonplace

the smoky nights they came and went

with no importance to be saved

until one day the loving stop

so he turned around and begged her

may i be your slave?

skinny girl

 

give up some grace for me

i'll wear it fine for you

but please, just keep your promise this time

 

give up some grace for me

i'll wear it fine for you

but please, just keep your promise this time

 

my empathy is justified with warm belief

in the simple and divine

but all your interests coincide with an audience

thats just outside your reach

just hear me out, dont grind me up

like a fragile note in the middle of this street

listen not to the pleading boy

just count on me to keep the weaker parts

the weaker parts at bay

 

give up some grace for me

i'll wear it fine for you

but please just keep your promise

please just keep your promise

 

give up some grace for me

i'll wear it fine for you

but please just keep your promise

please just keep your promise

skinny girl

 

thanks!

[LeonardScaper]

OK.......

 

I read through the lyrics first. Not bad......a little odd, but with some interesting and provocative imagery.

 

Then I listened without the lyrics. This is one of those songs where the instrumentation and lyrics kind of meld together.......kind of old school, back to the days when you played a song fifteen times to try to pick up the words.

 

For me that's not a bad thing. I like the guitar tone and the vox.......hearing Morrison and The Doors a bit. Also liked the way you changed gears at the bridge.....interesting.

[blue2blue]

Like Lenny, I feel like this song works best as a whole. On inspection, the lyrics seem a bit like they were grabbed out of the air for sound more than actual meaning. Elements are suggestive but seem to defy assembly into a coherent whole. (Not necessarily a bad thing.)

 

But that approach seems to fit your post-post-something or other, somewhat arty approach to the music and vocals. If the lyrical impression is kaleidoscopic, even a little vexing, I think the approach fits the music fairly well in many ways.

[Bright_Midnight]

thanks for the feedback! yes, this song is definitely not traditional pop by any means, and i wanted to make one that was compelling to listen to start to finish, with different sections to keep the listener hooked, instead of a verse chorus rinse and repeat approach.

[Dingoist]

Listened to it a couple of times over two days. Let me start by saying I'm not trying to tear this apart, but there

 

Not, that I'm going to comment much on mix, but I want to hear the vox more. It kept me from really hearing the lyrics, and if I can't hear the vocals clearly, I have trouble caring about the lyrics and then I hear the song as an instrumental with a voice solely as an instrument lacking context.

 

I like the guitar sound, and the groove at the beginning. I hate the forced transition at 0:50 -- bugs the heck out of me, I'm not sure why. Perhaps continue some percussion in there to help tie the transition together. Once again the shift at 2:48 is forced and awkward, but not as bad as the first.

 

So, IMHO, from a composition point of view, you need to keep the swing going better. You loose it awkwardly in a few places, but you do pick it up later.

 

Let me hear the vocals. I want to hear the lyrics.

 

I'm not bitching on it too hard, there's a lot of good elements to it. It starts off with a swing that wants to take me with it, unfortunately looses it, but finds it again. I like that guitar sound.

 

Conceptually I like it. I like the approach that you are going for. Makes me want and go pull out Jane's Addiction Ritual, and listen to Three Days. That's a good thing. Take a listen to that tune, and hear out it does the transition about 3:02 without loosing the groove of the song.

[Bright_Midnight]

Listened to it a couple of times over two days. Let me start by saying I'm not trying to tear this apart, but there Not, that I'm going to comment much on mix, but I want to hear the vox more. It kept me from really hearing the lyrics, and if I can't hear the vocals clearly, I have trouble caring about the lyrics and then I hear the song as an instrumental with a voice solely as an instrument lacking context. I like the guitar sound, and the groove at the beginning. I hate the forced transition at 0:50 -- bugs the heck out of me, I'm not sure why. Perhaps continue some percussion in there to help tie the transition together. Once again the shift at 2:48 is forced and awkward, but not as bad as the first. So, IMHO, from a composition point of view, you need to keep the swing going better. You loose it awkwardly in a few places, but you do pick it up later. Let me hear the vocals. I want to hear the lyrics. I'm not bitching on it too hard, there's a lot of good elements to it. It starts off with a swing that wants to take me with it, unfortunately looses it, but finds it again. I like that guitar sound. Conceptually I like it. I like the approach that you are going for. Makes me want and go pull out Jane's Addiction Ritual, and listen to Three Days. That's a good thing. Take a listen to that tune, and hear out it does the transition about 3:02 without loosing the groove of the song.

 

thanks for listening!

 

i took some of your advice and boosted the vocals higher in the mix and uploaded it to the page, so if wanted to take a quick listen and see if it was an improvement or not, i'd greatly appreciate it

[Dingoist]

Much better.

 

I went back and re-listened to 0:46-0:52 more, when listening to the in isolation (after 4 or 5 times) I find it less irksome, though I do think the transitioning is much better handled about ~2:48, I think it has grown on me more, I've gotten more used to it though it could still use a touch of *something* to aid it.

 

If I have to pick a favorite "movement" it would be the part through 1:47 to 2:46. I dig that a lot.

[Bright_Midnight]

Much better. I went back and re-listened to 0:46-0:52 more, when listening to the in isolation (after 4 or 5 times) I find it less irksome, though I do think the transitioning is much better handled about ~2:48, I think it has grown on me more, I've gotten more used to it though it could still use a touch of *something* to aid it. If I have to pick a favorite "movement" it would be the part through 1:47 to 2:46. I dig that a lot.

 

awesome! thanks for listening again, i appreciate it

[Bright_Midnight]

any other thoughts?