Members Eclepto Funk Posted July 1, 2010 Members Share Posted July 1, 2010 what will hopefully be my first song for the new collection, "Ghost" http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=720152&songID=9346368 any and all comments are very much welcomed, and thank you in advance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Marshal Posted July 1, 2010 Members Share Posted July 1, 2010 Like it a lot as a song. The recording is not up to the quality of the song. The deep reverb on the voice is not the kind of treatment I like to hear. Someone I know (who knows much more than me) says when he mixes voices, all he puts on them is a 40 millisecond delay. I'd like to hear the voice more up close and personal instead of buried in a pipe. Also the clicking is a nice idea, but the actual "click" seems too snappy and shallow. Could just be the cheap headphones I've got. Very nice song. I love the Civil War Daddy thing. In fact all the images work nicely on the surface and as metaphor for deeper meaning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Okie Bob Posted July 1, 2010 Members Share Posted July 1, 2010 I like it it, wish I could hear the lyrics a little better, but remember I'm a 60 year old with 80 year old hearing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Matximus Posted July 1, 2010 Members Share Posted July 1, 2010 I like the melody and the music. I have a hard time understanding what you are saying, which is in some part probably do to the quality of the vocal recording. But you also might want to work on your phrasing or perhaps take out some of the words or maybe slow it down or something. There are probably lots of of different solutions. At this point it's hard to tell if wordiness simply doesn't flatter what you have to offer vocally, or if you are still just learning the words or if there's something else going on. But again - the music and melody are really nice. I like the guitar playing a lot too. It's a good song. I'd be happy with the song. The vocal delivery was just a too tad busy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted July 1, 2010 Members Share Posted July 1, 2010 EF...really good...kinda Paul Simon. Enunciate the words a bit better especially in the first half but the vocal sound is very good as is the guitar. Very nice work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted July 1, 2010 Members Share Posted July 1, 2010 I really liked it on first listen--there are so many great images in there. I don't quite understad why your father is mentioned, though. It sounds like it's about one man's personal interaction with the industrial revolution, which is an amazing concept for a song. Once the father comes in, then it's just more of a character sketch, and I don't know what the train has to do with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted July 1, 2010 Members Share Posted July 1, 2010 [i hadn't looked at others' comments when I wrote this, so what might seem like responses to others' thoughts are simply accidents of common inspiration.] There's a subtle complexity to this gentle song that might be missed at first... I was initially bemused by the inclusion of the final verse (about the singer's father) but I realized it was part of the fabric of the song -- a musing on the seeming promise of great things to come -- seemingly told in the present-tense but from a timely distance... signaled right off by the inclusion of the year -- in combination with that present tense. The brevity of the father's life -- presumably because he lost it in that first of the 'modern wars' (repeating firearms, the Gattling gun, the telegraph, the use -- and targeting -- of trains as engines of war supply)... the immediate promise of a little cash from the singer's presumption he'll be able to sell the photo... the new era promised by a record setting speed performance... It suggests the hesitant promise of a better tomorrow -- but from some seemingly great and unspecified distance that hints that those promises may never be completely filled. It shows how much one can work into a song without being obvious about it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eclepto Funk Posted July 1, 2010 Author Members Share Posted July 1, 2010 jesus Christ, blue... I am so grateful you took the time to think through my song. you're exactly on point for what I was trying to get at. the father explicitly died in the war in the earlier drafts, but I thought that was too obvious to be stated. I then left it up to the listener to consider why exactly the father is in the song at all. everybody else, thank you so much for the comments. sounds like I am going to have to redo the vocals. at the very least play with the reverb some. thanks all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eclepto Funk Posted July 2, 2010 Author Members Share Posted July 2, 2010 a quick few replies: Marshal: the "click" is my hand on my knee ... good old fashioned knee-slapping ... i can try and put some more bottom on it tbryson: i was worried this one was too much Paul Simon. in fact, i expected/expect someone to say "that's a Paul Simon rip off." i just hear it. in the end, i went with it anyway ... that's probably my biggest concern ... okie, matximus, chicken, thank you for the imput ... i think i need to re-do the vocals ... i'll try to see what i can do with the reverb and see if it improves it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbry Posted July 2, 2010 Members Share Posted July 2, 2010 tbryson: i was worried this one was too much Paul Simon. in fact, i expected/expect someone to say "that's a Paul Simon rip off." i just hear it. in the end, i went with it anyway ... that's probably my biggest concern ... Man, don't even worry about it...its a good song. Just go with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chicken Monkey Posted July 2, 2010 Members Share Posted July 2, 2010 The "click" was problematic, I think, for its insistency. Maybe do it half as often, and it'll fit a lot better . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dailymixdown Posted July 2, 2010 Members Share Posted July 2, 2010 Major talent. Thanks for sharing. I enjoyed this song. You should submit it to A&E for Dog the Bounty Hunter show. They feature homegrown songs like this all the time and many of them are of this same genre. Here is the company they use. You should send them this song: http://www.wayoutwestenterprises.com/ Nitpicking technical stuff.. -Minor pitch probs -You lose your lyric rhythm a few times and it kind of screws up the flow for me... check the part where you first say "engineer" -Your diction is a little blurry hear and there (you trail off.. make sure to pronounce all the way through) -I think this song would best be sung lit.. or at least half lit... so you could get a little more dreamy about it. In other words I think it deserves a little more of a "blues" like vocal and a few shots might assist in that department Ok I'm kidding on the last point.. kinda Nice work though. Amazing talent. Thanks for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eclepto Funk Posted July 2, 2010 Author Members Share Posted July 2, 2010 daily, thank you for the amazingly kind compliment. I'm glad you think so well of the song. as for my singing, you are right. that's the best of about 40 or 50 takes over 4 days. sometimes I just have to call it quits and go with what I have. singing is not my strong suit. I am hearing that the vocals could be better. I'll try, but the trouble is that this may be as good as I can sing it right now again, thank you for the enormous compliment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted July 2, 2010 Members Share Posted July 2, 2010 ahhh man i always love your stuff i actually love the vocals, tuning whatever , so much authentic character in there makes me just fall in love the only thing that slightly bothered me if youre still at the "changing" stage is the "blurry as a ghost" line i dunno why , may just be me.... everything else in the song seems like its been written by a poet but this line makes me think it was written by a child... may just be my taste though all in all its a wonderful song warts and all x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Eclepto Funk Posted July 4, 2010 Author Members Share Posted July 4, 2010 thank you all, much too kind with your praise and excellent feedback ok, in order to make the third stanza tie-in better, how would the following work. is it too obvious? my father died in the Civil Wari have a photograph of himhis life was so short sometimes i wonder ifhe didn't think it was just a dream Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jodyWayne Posted July 11, 2010 Members Share Posted July 11, 2010 Well here's my openion... I love it! It has style and charicature. It's like a folk tune to me. You've done a great job with the lyric and music. I would get rid of the knee slap, it distracts from the mellowness of the song. Anything you change now, I feel would be a personal preference thing, whether it be your preference or someone elses. Take care,jody Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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