Need Music..these lyrics are definitely commercial

[emotionography]

Hi,

My name's Jerry Browning and I have a website with my poetry and lyrics on it. I'm looking for muscians to put vocals and music to a song I wrote a little while back. I think this could be a profitable.:

In Thru the Out Door

If you play the mp3 of my rendition of it acapello (which isn't so good), you can get an idea of the melody.

Thanks,

Jerry Browning

Emotionongraphy.net

[rockinrobby]

in through the out door? You know this could be taken one of several ways?

 

[blue2blue]

 

________________________

 

 

 

 

 

Jerry

 

These lyrics have some potential to be tightened into a nice, coherent package, but, as it is now, the frame devices (theater and heaven gate-crashing) are the main places where the particulars of your lyrical arc really connect up with your refrain device/hook. (Although I do note that sexuality rares its pretty head in there, but I'll leave that angle to our randy friend, Robby.)

 

That said, hooking the incidents through the middle of the song up to the refrain might work to tighten things up -- but I guess there is the danger of making it too 'on the nose.'

 

Still, there's definitely a song lurking here. Heck, maybe it's just fine the way it is (I mean, when it hooks up with some music ).