Members bee3 Posted March 22, 2011 Members Share Posted March 22, 2011 I have a rough of this at home which I can post later. Thoughts on the lyrics? Talk to me softlyWhisper in my earYour deepest secretsI could be your friendOr moreIt depends what you're looking for I have the answerMaybe I'll tell you For sureIf that's what you're looking for All this time I spendWaiting hereDying hereYour love I don't resentWaiting forDying for Break it slowlyI don't want to hearYour sad excusesI could be anywhereBut hereJust to make it clearYou, you are so shallowMaybe I'm gullibleIt's trueIt's the best that I can do All this time I spentWaiting hereDying hereYour love I now resentWaiting forDying for Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted March 22, 2011 Members Share Posted March 22, 2011 I can't seem to read/listen to your work without thinking of other songs. Talk to me softly.... [video=youtube;SLBbgwN1Mao]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLBbgwN1Mao Aside from that, I really like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 22, 2011 Author Members Share Posted March 22, 2011 Aside from that, I really like it. You just destroyed me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted March 23, 2011 Author Members Share Posted March 23, 2011 Just uploaded this one... Click here to listen. I'm thinking this may need an instrumental passage of some sort... Thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oswlek Posted March 23, 2011 Members Share Posted March 23, 2011 Cool. I'm sure you'll get to it when you are finalizing the mix, but you need to seperate the vocal parts more. They are stumbling all over each other and neither wants to give up dominant position. The phrasing was a little funny on "It depends what you're looking for". You might want to revisit that line. Nice vocal lift on "all this time". I like how the lead vocal steps aside and lets the backing do a little more in that part. Perhaps it is the similarity in opening tone to "One of My Turns" but I hear the song surging forward at some point. Perhaps after "It's the best that I can do". Despite being short, it does drag a little. Aside from the "all this time" there really wasn't any candy to reinvigorate listener interest. I don't think you need to dramatically change anything, but some choice layering that makes you nod in agreement with yourself would be nice. Something sweet and simple that keeps you going just long enough and then BAM!! the song leaps forward and grabs you by the balls. At least, that is what I'm thinking after a couple listens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted March 23, 2011 Members Share Posted March 23, 2011 I think you're on to something. It's very late Beatlesy and John Lennon-like, but not necessarily derivative, as in, "Oh, he's just copying such and such a song." Very listenable tune. I like the "shallow/gullible" line a lot. LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted March 25, 2011 Members Share Posted March 25, 2011 I like the Rhodes and the breathy vocals (Brian Wilson demoing "I Know There's An Answer" or something from Big Star - Third/Sister Lovers). Not crazy about the lyric - the first two verses are kind of creepy, the third verse seems vaguely misogynistic and I don't know quite what to do with the mysticism of the chorus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members slicepaperdavid Posted March 25, 2011 Members Share Posted March 25, 2011 Very nice song, I really enjoyed it. Reminds me of Jon Brion/Elliot Smith/Elephant 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KingOfBling Posted March 26, 2011 Members Share Posted March 26, 2011 Nice vocal harmonies. Would like to hear some percussion behind it - some hats, shakers, or hand drums would fit nicely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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