"The Other Side of Blue" - a WIP (borrowed from Stick's song w/ the same title)

[Oswlek]

I might be the only person not bothered by Pavolv's dog. It is a nice combo of a universal phrase that is still unique in song. I'm willing to hear it before saying it won't sound good.

[LCK]

 

I might be the only person not bothered by Pavolv's dog. It is a nice combo of a universal phrase that is still unique in song. I'm willing to hear it before saying it won't say it won't sound good.

 

 

Thanks. We'll see what develops...

[Mahuska]

 

I really love that streamlining of the Pavlov idea. Nice. It's very Porteresque.

 

I'm with these guys, like their observations and suggestions.

Now I'd like to hear the Music

[LCK]

This may be getting tedious for some of you, but I thought I'd show you a newer version of the lyric.

 

The 1st verse bugged me, not necessarily because of the reference to Pavlov's dog, but to the way it didn't fit into the storyline, thematically. I think it's better now. In fact, I quite like it, finally. It helps that I reversed the order of the 3rd and 4th lines.

 

In the 2nd verse, I'm still tweaking the 3rd line.

 

The bridge has some smallish changes, most notably the word "darkened" which is echoed by the word "beckoned' in the 2nd line. I don't like the frank sexuality of saying "bedroom" doors, though. I liked it better when it wasn't so specific. So any ideas for a replacement word are welcome.

 

Anyway, for anyone interested in my writing process, here's the latest (and yes the tune is coming).

 

 

 

The Other Side of Blue

 

 

 

 

 

Just like clockwork when it rains

I can

[ShadowsofBirds]

On singing "Pavlov":

 

 

 

 

'fraid I can't be much help with your lyrics - I really need to hear them sung against the music to make any kind of critique.