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A Perfect Life

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  • #16
    Did I mention that I really, really like the idea of life being blurry. That's brilliant. There are some days where everything is a blur, you're rushing around, trying to get places on time. It's all a blur.

    The only problem I see with the opening verse is that it should probably go something like this:

    I have no worry
    even though life is kind of blurry
    I don't need to watch a watch make time go by

    or

    I have no worry
    even though life can get blurry
    I don't need to watch a watch make time go by


    Neither of these lines bother me like the current one does.
    Don't listen to Justin.
    LCK - 2/21/2012

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    • #17
      Life can be a blur but I don't think that blurry works to describe life.


      I agree with that.

      I think you could get away with...

      I have no worry
      even though life is a blur
      I don't need to watch a watch make time go by


      As a listener I get that rhyme, even if it is only implied.

      Although you could get the rhyme even closer by singing it as...

      I have no worry
      even though life is a blur....I
      Don't need to watch a watch make time go by
      Leonard Scaper

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      • #18
        ^^ that's what I would do, being the EXPERT songwriter that I am. lol
        All things must pass...

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        • #19
          So... what about:

          I have no worry
          Don't want to live my life in a hurry
          I don't need to watch a watch make time go by

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          • #20
            So... what about:

            I have no worry
            Don't want to live my life in a hurry
            I don't need to watch a watch make time go by


            To beat a dead horse, "life is kind of blurry" is a great line. In fact it's one of the best lines in the song.
            “I think you make yourself an antenna for songs, and songs want to be around you. And then they bring other songs along, and then they’re all sittin’ around, and they’re drinking your beer, and they’re sleeping on the floor.” —Tom Waits

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            • #21
              To beat a dead horse, "life is kind of blurry" is a great line. In fact it's one of the best lines in the song.


              I agree.
              __________
              Your god doesn't exist but my god does and he is all loving. If you disagree with me I'll kill you. - Prince Ea

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              • #22
                If it's ok with the Lees, it's ok with me.

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                • #23
                  To beat a dead horse, "life is kind of blurry" is a great line. In fact it's one of the best lines in the song.


                  It certainly is much better than the cliche worry/hurry pairing. I just really dislike the set up of the line and hope Justin changes to one of your suggestions.
                  Don't listen to Justin.
                  LCK - 2/21/2012

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                  • #24
                    I'm late to the party, so I'll grab a different line to pick on:

                    By which we'll abide

                    ...sounds kind of stilted and un-conversational. Plus, I don't think the meaning really fits. It makes me think, "we shall abide by this rule." The rhyme is a long I sound, so you should have plenty of replacement word choices for building a new line.

                    I really like the melody. It has shades of "Our House," but not enough to sound borrowed. I'm also getting a little John Lennon vibe for some reason. Again, in a good way, not a borrowed way.
                    Beware of deepities.-- Daniel Dennett

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                    • #25
                      So... what about:

                      I have no worry
                      Don't want to live my life in a hurry
                      I don't need to watch a watch make time go by

                      You read my mind. I heard this revision in my head before reading this. Wow. Cool song dude

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                      • #26
                        FYI... I did post the 'finished' version of this in the October thread: http://soundcloud.com/justind/a-perfect-life

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                        • #27
                          Just listened again. Love it. It has such a relaxing, happy vibe that it almost doesn't matter what the words are.
                          Beware of deepities.-- Daniel Dennett

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                          • #28
                            You need a bigger guitar.


                            Great song, though.
                            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGxDwt26FZc
                            http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/marshallsongs
                            http://www.reverbnation.com/#!/marshallsongs

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                            • #29
                              Listening right now......and smiling.

                              Who needs to tiptoe through tulips to feel good with a song like this.

                              I love how you end it. Really good work on this one.
                              Leonard Scaper

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