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"I Wish They Were You" -- WIP with rough demo

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  • "I Wish They Were You" -- WIP with rough demo

    Here's the current version of the lyric, along with a guitar/vocal/whistling demo.

     

    I Wish They Were You

    (2:45)

    1.
    Why can

    “I started being a songwriter pretending I could do it, and it turned out I could.” —James Taylor.

  • #2
    Very much in the Steve Goodman vein, at least to me. Which is a real positive.

    One little suggestion - maybe take out the word "process" and substitute "meantime" instead. "Process" is such an inelegant, industrial term in it's connotations.

    nat whilk ii

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    • Oswlek
      Oswlek commented
      Editing a comment

      The verses are lovely, but the bridge felt wrong somehow.  First off, the opening melodic note was too similar to the rest of the song, so even though the chords changed, I didn't get the proper set of change.  It also felt more free-form, as if you were just winging it, if that makes any sense.  You often spring unexpected chords, but they almost always feel right once I get used to it.  I'm on my third listen now and the bridge still isn't hitting my ears quite right.


    • LCK
      LCK commented
      Editing a comment

      nat whilk II wrote:
      Very much in the Steve Goodman vein, at least to me. Which is a real positive.

      One little suggestion - maybe take out the word "process" and substitute "meantime" instead. "Process" is such an inelegant, industrial term in it's connotations.

      nat whilk ii

      Thanks for the Steve Goodman reference. That's very gratifying.

      You're right about the word "process." Thanks.


  • #3
    Yeah, the shadows couplet is a winner. Nice. And the chord/melody change seems like it might do the trick.
    ___

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