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"I Wish They Were You" -- WIP with rough demo

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  • "I Wish They Were You" -- WIP with rough demo

    Here's the current version of the lyric, along with a guitar/vocal/whistling demo.

     

    I Wish They Were You

    (2:45)

    1.
    Why can

    "I write from a different place. I do not even know what it is called, or if it has a name. It just comes and I sculpt it. But it is also a lot of hard work." —Van Morrison

  • #2
    Very much in the Steve Goodman vein, at least to me. Which is a real positive.

    One little suggestion - maybe take out the word "process" and substitute "meantime" instead. "Process" is such an inelegant, industrial term in it's connotations.

    nat whilk ii

    Comment


    • Oswlek
      Oswlek commented
      Editing a comment

      The verses are lovely, but the bridge felt wrong somehow.  First off, the opening melodic note was too similar to the rest of the song, so even though the chords changed, I didn't get the proper set of change.  It also felt more free-form, as if you were just winging it, if that makes any sense.  You often spring unexpected chords, but they almost always feel right once I get used to it.  I'm on my third listen now and the bridge still isn't hitting my ears quite right.


    • LCK
      LCK commented
      Editing a comment

      nat whilk II wrote:
      Very much in the Steve Goodman vein, at least to me. Which is a real positive.

      One little suggestion - maybe take out the word "process" and substitute "meantime" instead. "Process" is such an inelegant, industrial term in it's connotations.

      nat whilk ii

      Thanks for the Steve Goodman reference. That's very gratifying.

      You're right about the word "process." Thanks.


  • #3
    Yeah, the shadows couplet is a winner. Nice. And the chord/melody change seems like it might do the trick.
    Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

    Comment



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