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Over My Head

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  • Over My Head

    Hopefully I'm linking this right.  This is a bare-bones demo--just guitar and two voices.  Voices aren't perfectly in tune, guitar isn't perfectly in time, but I think it's a fun song and hopefully put together enough to listen to.  I'll likely flesh this out with an instrumental break, reprise the bridge, and repeat the first verse, but I don't want to over-demo it, as I'd like to try it with my band.  My biggest concern beyond a general "proof of concept" is that there are a couple of sore-thumb cliches in it that I really like, but may spoil the song a bit. 

    Over My Head

    Mama, can I have a word with you

    I'm in trouble don't know what to do

    I found a girl and she drives me wild

    But she treats me like a red-headed stepchild

    Oh, I'm in over my head.

     

    Daddy, tell me just where I went wrong

    How did I let myself get strung along

    I had her tamed, but to my surprise

    It went out the window when I looked in her eyes

    Oh, I'm in over my head.

     

    BRIDGE:  I'm in deep, it's getting deeper

    She's trying to shake me and I'm trying to keep her

    I thought I had this, but instead

    I'm in over my head.

     

    Honey, I just got one thing to say

    How could you treat a loving man this way

    I'm only here, trying not to drown

    But you keep on pushing me down, down, down

    Oh, I'm in over my head.

    <div class="signaturecontainer"><a href="http://jukejointhandmedowns.com" target="_blank">Jukejoint Handmedowns (my band)</a><br />
    <br />
    <a href="http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/everything-but-the-squeal/id517608194" target="_blank">Find our album on iTunes!</a><br />
    <br />
    <a href="http://idlehandsmusic.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">A Month of Songs </a> (Songwriting blog)<br />
    <br />
    <div class="bbcode_container">
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    <div class="bbcode_postedby">
    <img src="images/misc/quote_icon.png" alt="Quote" /> Originally Posted by <strong>gennation</strong>
    <a href="showthread.php?p=42081230#post42081230" rel="nofollow"><img class="inlineimg" src="images/buttons/viewpost-right.png" alt="View Post" /></a>
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    <div class="message">Neither of us is gay or anything, it just happened.</div>

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  • #2
    This is good as is, but two spots that could be stronger are wild/child and out the window.

    Neither are bad but with the wild spot especially that is a chance to really grab the listeners attention.
    ...

    Comment


    • #3

       

      I think it sounds great. It does feel like you're not 100% certain of the concept, lyrically. You're in over your head because... she's what? She's mean, like in V1? Or because she's a vixen, or at least incredibly sexy, like in V2? Or that she's trying to dump you like in the bridge? And then in V3 we finally get a clear "over my head" image. So... I think cliches like "drives me wild" are fine if they are truly supporting the concept, but it doesn't feel that way quite yet to me. I'd create an offline synopsis.

       

      She is way out of my league and what was I thinking even trying to make her mine. Of course mom and dad you think I'm worthy or even better the her but look at her! Look at me! I'm a skinny scared boy trying to make his way and she's the movie star from Gilligan's Island!!! Tina what's her name?!??!? Help! I'm drowning!!! And she's surely gone.

       

      Right now it feels like each section is supporting a different story. Not majorly, but enough that it seems to me that while this could rise up to be something special, it isn't focused enough, funny enough, etc. yet.

       

      Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

      Comment


      • Lee Knight
        Lee Knight commented
        Editing a comment

        Oh... and the bridge is cool but the 3rd line musically feels a little like a throw away. It think it needs something less predicable. Maybe like the Charlie Brown song sung low, why's-everybody-always-pickin'-on-me when you sing:

         

        I thought I had this, but I found out instead

         

        Something to break it up and be a little hook.


    • #4

      Linear Rhino has an idea-o

      Feel free to disregard, but I think an extended metaphor might solve what everybody is talking about and I think you'd only have to adjust 4 lines. wild, child and surprise, eyes.

      Here is the idea...

      Mama verse - she drives, think fast, reckless, she has lead foot

      Daddy verse - we went through the guard rail into the ocean, river, etc...

      The bridge and honey verse - stay the same because you are in the water trying not to get in to deep but going down

      ...

      Comment


      • #5
        Good stuff Mr. Rhino!
        Thomas Jefferson said... "The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter." hmmm...

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